


Wild Heart

by kalkoenvsneoklak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adopted Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - High School, Based on Love Simon, Bobby is Castiel's Dad, Falling In Love, Hannah becomes Hans, Jo is Castiel's sister, Multi, Online Romance, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-21 18:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15564195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalkoenvsneoklak/pseuds/kalkoenvsneoklak
Summary: As far as everybody is concerned, Castiel's life is pretty normal. Or, as normal as it can be for somebody who's known all his life that he's been adopted and has no idea who his real parents are. At least he has his friends. But in between having this secret crush on his best friend's brother and keeping his secret an actual secret, Castiel meets another kid at school who is the same as him. The only problem: he has no idea who this Wind is, only that he might slowly be falling in love with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a Supernatural version of Love, Simon! It has been in my head for a while, and so far I haven't come across a version of this so I decided to write one myself. It's not going to be super long, and it's mostly a merge of both the book and the movie.  
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy!

Castiel would say that his life is pretty great. He’s got a nice enough family – granted, they might be embarrassing sometimes, but that’s life for you – an amazing group of friends, and he can’t complain too much about his grades.

He realizes he’s not exactly the most normal situation around. For starters, he’s been adopted when he was five years old along with his older sister Anna, who is currently in college probably having a blast. His adoptive sister, Jo, is the same age as him, though it seems like puberty has hit her differently than it has him as she thinks it’s a good idea to start a knife collection while he just rather collects good books.

He could be considered a nerd, yeah. He’s already agreed to that fact, since he knows it’s true. He might be slightly smarter than the average students at school, but he tries to never let it show too much. He never shows his grades, never speaks up in class unless he’s asked to, and sometimes he pretends to just not know anything. It’s not that he’s ashamed for being smarter, but he’s just tired of the constant, repetitive comments.

‘ _Oh, you’re so smart Castiel, I wish I was as smart as you are!’_

_‘Yeah but that’s not fair, Castiel has a super brain!’_

_‘Holy crap, Castiel, you’re so fucking smart, you know?’_

It always leads to the same kind of thing, so he’s just decided to tone it down a bit. At least now nobody points it out anymore, which is good.

When it comes to the matter of Castiel’s friends, he’s pretty sure that the gang he’s hanging out with is… strange, to say the least.

Now, only an hour before school starts, Castiel stands in front of his house, his bag hanging over his shoulder and glasses safely put on his nose. He clears his throat when the black, familiar car comes driving up. As usual, it’s already pretty full inside.

Before the window can be rolled down, Jo walks him by with her eyes planted on her cellphone and a bubble appearing out of her mouth. She usually chews on a gum, so it’s not that abnormal. The blonde girl walks up to the door of the car.

“Hey,” she says dryly without looking up. Castiel clears his throat, tightening his hold on his backpack before joining her in the car.

“Hello,” he says, giving a smile to the person sitting in the passenger seat. That person is Sam, one of Castiel’s three best friends, the other one being Jo who is sitting next to him. Sam, a boy Castiel’s age with messy brown hair and eyes that can’t seem to decide whether they’re blue or green, is in their year. They’ve known each other since Castiel joined the school, and have been inseparable since.

The boy driving the car is Sam’s older brother, Dean. He’s a senior, graduating this year. He used to be a football-player for the school’s team, but after breaking his leg a few months ago he dropped out of the team and never really rejoined.

There’s also the fact that he’s kind of the most beautiful person Castiel has ever met in his life, but that’s a secret he’s not intending on sharing with the others.

“Heya Cas,” Dean says, giving Castiel a quick smile through the mirror before continuing driving. As soon as they hit the road, Sam turns around in his seat and gives Cas a broad grin.

“So, C, you remember yesterday that I told you I would ask Jessica to go with me to the movies?”

Castiel nods, indeed remembering it.

“Well, she said yes!” Sam shouts happily. Castiel smiles at him.

“I’m happy for you, Sam,” he returns genuinely. Jo just snorts next to him.

“Sam, you sound like one of those teenagers in those movies,” the girl mutters without looking up. Dean laughs at that, holding his hand behind him and fist-bumping with Jo without looking away from the road.

“In case you’ve forgotten, Harvelle, we _are_ teenagers,” Sam counters playfully. “Besides, look who’s talking! Who’s been crushing on the same dude for the past few years?”

Jo now finally looks up, giving Sam a murderous look with red cheeks.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, seriously? Do I ever get to meet this lucky guy?” Dean asks. Castiel clears his throat, and so does Sam. Of course, _they_ both know who it is Jo has been crushing on for the past few years, but Dean, being the one they’re talking about, has absolutely no clue about it.

After all, it’s not like Dean constantly hangs out with them. He’s got friends of his own, classmates his age and so forth.

“There’s nobody to meet,” Jo mutters back. Dean doesn’t look too convinced, but he decides to just drop it. Dean makes his last stop at the Bradbury household, where Charlie arrives with a wide smile on her face and her headphones on her ears. Once she jumps into the car, she lowers it down to her neck.

“So guess who’s got a date tonight?” she asks without even greeting anyone. It’s just how she is, and nobody takes insult in it.

“Sam?” Castiel asks, because it’s true, isn’t it?

“He does? Congratulations, Sammyboy!” the redhead calls out happily, getting her hand through Sam’s hair and messing it up. Sam groans in annoyance, leaning forward to get out of her reach. “No, but seriously, Dot said yes!”

Castiel’s truly happy for her, he really is. He can remember the day Charlie decided to come out to them, and he had been rather surprised at how easy she seemed to find it. There was no build up, no hesitating, just a random ‘oh, by the way, I’m gay’ to which everybody answered ‘okay’ and kept it at that.

After the usual stop at the coffee shop – black coffee for Dean and Jo, coffee with milk for Sam, and a cappuccino for Charlie – they continue they drive to the school. Once there, Dean chases everybody out of his car before grabbing his own bag.

“Alright, back here after school like always,” he says quickly before hurrying towards his own friends. Castiel watches him go, noticing how the sun is shining into his hair, making it look gold. Dean’s got this weird hair-color where it’s blond, but it also kind of isn’t due to the fact that it’s just so dark. It’s kind of an intriguing fact about Dean that catches Castiel’s attention once in a while.

“Hey, C, c’mon,” Sam says, poking him in the arm. “Jess is waiting for us.”

Castiel clears his throat, nodding and following after his friends. The thought of Dean is pushed away deep inside his brain. He doesn’t need it today, after all.

School goes how it usually goes. He shares most of his classes with Sam and Jo, and drama is the only thing he has with Charlie. It’s been a spontaneous decision to join the drama-team. Mostly, he did it so Charlie wouldn’t be alone in there. And drama’s pretty fun, but he’s also extremely aware that he’s probably the worst actor of the entire group.

Well, aside from Marv, that is. There’s being a bad actor and knowing it, and there’s being a bad actor and not realizing it at all. Marv is the last one.

“So, have you been on Tumblr lately?” Charlie asks as they dip their brushes into the paint and smear it over the decoration they’re making for the play.

“You know I don’t follow that stuff,” Castiel says in return. He knows what Tumblr is, has been on it a few times on his friends’ suggestions, but there’s just not many things that he wants to follow on that website.

“You should,” Charlie says, looking around quickly before pulling out her phone. Either way, even if they would get caught, Mrs. Barnes doesn’t care either way. She always lets them do whatever they want, which is what makes her everybody’s favorite teacher at this school. “Take a look at this.”

Charlie hands Castiel her phone, the usual smartphone like everybody else. On the screen, there’s the familiar Lawrence High confessions-page the girl has been binge-reading from the moment it came online. Castiel even knows a couple of the confessions the girl herself has sent in.

The confession she seems to want him to read looks like a poem written by someone that calls themselves _Wind124_. What’s so special about that?

“Charlie-“

“Just read it,” she warns him. Castiel rolls his eyes but does as she asks. He reads through the poem, and as he reads it he finds that, while its structure and form is rather lacking, the message within is actually rather strong. The person speaks about being on a road all the time, following it with the help of a GPS-system that has mapped out his destination, but his heart yearning to go another direction. It’s a confession that gets Castiel’s full attention, especially at the last words.

_… I’m gay_.

“Crazy, right?” Charlie asks with a grin. “Who do you think it could be?”

Castiel shrugs, handing the phone back to Charlie. “I guess that’s the point of these anonymous confessions, isn’t it?” he asks. “For people not to know?”

Charlie snorts. “C, don’t tell me you’re not in the least curious?” she asks. Putting the phone away again, she picks up her brush again and drops it on the cardboard to start filling in the spots they’ve missed.

“I don’t really think it’s any of my business,” Castiel returns. Charlie rolls her eyes.

“You’re no fun,” she mutters, though she’s still smiling so Castiel knows she’s not annoyed at him. At least there’s that, right?

Drama ends at the sound of the bells, and putting up their decoration to let it dry, Castiel follows Charlie out of the classroom and straight towards lunch. Sitting in their usual spot are Sam and Jo already, joined by Jessica, Dean, Inias, Benny and Victor, the last three being classmates of Dean’s.

The conversation going on at the table isn’t too interesting, so Castiel decides to just tap out for a bit. As much as he pretended not to actually care during drama, he has to admit that his mind _is_ kind of going back to that poem, his brain trying to go through every possible boy it could be in the school. Could it be Balthazar? Samandriel? Maybe Gordon or Edd? He has no idea, there are just so many people at this school. Ad after all, his ‘gaydar’, as Charlie calls it, isn’t really something that works.

He’s rather intrigued at the idea of another gay kid in the school. And yeah, he says ‘another’, and not just meaning Charlie. He’s pretty much a hundred percent sure that he falls under the category as well, though so far there haven’t really been any ideas of really coming out with it. It’s not really that big of a deal after all, he thinks.

He startles when there’s suddenly a fry thrown into his face. He blinks in confusion at the source of the attack, finding Inias looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“Are you still with us?” he asks with a smirk on his face. Castiel opens his mouth to answer, but the words fall short.

“I wasn’t, sorry,” he admits. “Did you say something?”

“Yeah, I need confirmation; are you going to the party or not?”

Castiel frowns. He can’t really recall any party being mentioned, but the way everybody is looking at him makes it obvious that there’ll be a scene if he says ‘no’.

“Uh, sure,” he says, managing a smile. Inias grins as well, showing those pearly white teeth he has. Inias is a friendly enough person, kind of shy around people he doesn’t know but eager to meet new people anyway despite that. His eyes are light blue, his hair brown in the winter and nearing blonde in the summer.  

“Alright! You’re dressing up, then?” Sam asks excitedly.

“Dressing up?” Castiel shakes his head. “I’m sorry, what kind of party is this?”

Inias smiles, clearly finding his distraction rather funny. “A Halloween party. Given that it’s Halloween in a few days?”

“Oh, right,” Castiel remembers. His eyes go over Inias’ shoulders, suddenly meeting Dean’s gaze. The boy holds up his thumbs before looking away. So, he’s glad Castiel’s going. That may or may not make something flutter inside of him, but nobody needs to know that, obviously. “Uh, sure. I’m sure Charlie’s got another pair-costume at the ready for us.”

“You’re damn right,” Charlie jokes with a playful look on her face, though her eyes are planted on the phone in her hand. She’s probably texting Dorothy. He wouldn’t be surprised, if the two have a date later today, they might be making arrangements for tonight.

“Alright, I’m glad you’ll be there,” Inias quickly says. Castiel looks back at him quickly, finding Inias appearing happy, indeed. Though his gaze is turned away, the smile on his face still lingers and, in a way, he looks a bit nervous.

Castiel decides not to look too much into it. Instead, he packs up his trash and gets up to throw it away. It’s about time to head back to class, after all.

School finishes without much special happening. Classes are pleasant enough, so he’s got nothing to complain. By the time the last bell rings, Charlie has her arm hooked into his own and the two are making their way to the parking lot. Charlie talks about the past season of a show called ‘Stranger Things’ and makes a comparison with the first season. Of course, Castiel has no idea what she’s talking about since he rarely watches TV-shows on his own. She _did_ make him watch Star Trek once, and during summer break they’ve binge-watched Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit and Harry Potter, along with the entire Marvel and DC Cinematic Universe movies. And while Castiel rather enjoyed those, he’s still one who prefers reading books. So, he _did_ buy the Harry Potter books, and after that the Lord of the Rings series. And maybe he might have bought a few of the Marvel Comics as well. Nobody needs to know about that last part, of course. It’s his guilty pleasure.

Dean is already in the car by the time they arrive. The music is playing loudly, and he’s furiously texting something on his phone. Probably messaging his current girlfriend, though Castiel’s not sure he has one. Dean and girlfriends is always an on-and-off kind of situation. He claims he’s just not made for anything serious, and nobody’s planning on speaking against it. It’s none of their business, after all.

Castiel sits in his usual seat between Jo and Charlie. Sam is in the front, and once Dean puts away his phone he starts driving.

“Alright, how about we go grab a bite to eat?” Dean offers. “I know a good drive-thru that sells amazing burgers and-“

“Dean, that food is disgusting,” Sam counters. Dean rolls his eyes, passing his hand through Sam’s hair to mess it up.

“ _And_ they’ve got some excellent salads for vegan little shits like my brother,” he continues.

“I’m not a vegan,” Sam corrects him, but Dean ignores it. He’s looking at the backseat, and after Jo, Castiel and Charlie share a short look, the three of them nod. Of course, he would never say no to a burger, he loves those. Once, Ellen even told him that he always sounds like he’s making out with his food whenever he has one.

“Alright, let’s go,” Dean says, putting up the music on a louder volume and getting them out of the parking lot. Castiel casts a quick look to the side, finding that Charlie’s still scrolling through the Tumblr page.

“Anything interesting?” he asks, genuinely curious after that one poem she showed him. Charlie shrugs.

“Eh, not as interesting as that Wind-poem,” she says. “But look at this.” She goes back to the poem and points at what looks like an email-address on the top of the post.

“What’s so special about that?” he asks.

“It’s just… it almost looks like the guy is just looking for someone to talk to, you understand? Somebody like him,” she mutters. “I hope somebody genuinely contacts him without being an asshole about it.”

Castiel nods. The address isn’t that difficult; wind124@gmail.com. Nothing special about that, as it’s just his user name.

“Why don’t you do it?” Castiel asks. “If you’re so worried?”

“C, I might be gay, but I’m not _gay_. You see?”

Castiel shakes his head. Charlie rolls her eyes.

“A guy,” she points out. “I think he wants to talk to a guy like him.”

“What are you talking about there?” Dean asks, looking at them through the mirror. Charlie and Castiel both look up from the phone.

“Nothing,” Castiel says.

“Just looking through Tumblr,” Charlie says. Dean raises an eyebrow, not looking too impressed. Luckily, he doesn’t say anything about it, probably thinking in his mind why, again, he’s hanging out with a bunch of kids younger than him?

The stop at the drive-thru is short. They get their orders at the other side, Dean quickly pays for everything, and during the rest of the drive they eat through their food (without making the car dirty, because Dean would kick them out without hesitation).

Once at home, Castiel and Jo separate – it’s not that they don’t get along; they’re actually very good friends, best friends even, but after an entire day at school the two enjoy their time alone in the secure space of their rooms.

So Castiel drops down his bag on his bed, starts up his computer with the intention of already starting the English assignment they got earlier. After going to the bathroom, he sits down at his desk with his phone in his hand. He’s just got a text from Charlie, who is giving him instructions for the costume he has to wear for the party at Inias’ place.

It’s geeky, as usual. He doesn’t mind, instead he smiles when he sees that she wants to go as the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier from those Marvel movies. That’s alright, he’s sure he can find a cheap wig somewhere.

Or, Charlie has one, as she suddenly mentions through one last text. Castiel smirks. The girl always thinks of everything.

When his computer has started up, he realizes that he never closed his last session. His last search on the internet is still open, showing him the Tumblr-page of the confessions. Just slightly curious, he refreshes the page, scrolling down until he gets to the poem.

For no clear reason, he reads through it again. And after that, again. He can’t really explain why he finds himself so interested by the poem, but… all he can think of is what Charlie said. Whoever wrote this, according to her, just wants somebody to talk to.

Should Castiel be that person? He bites his lips, tapping his chin while he tries to think it through. There’s not really a downside to this, right? Except for the fact that his e-mail address isn’t that covert. But he could easily make up a new one, couldn’t he? That’s not such a big deal, right?

Who is he kidding? His mind was made up all the way in that car, he just didn’t realize it yet back then. Without any further hesitation, Castiel opens up a new browser, heads to Google where he makes up a new account. After a quick thought, he chooses ‘thursdaymorning’ as his name. Thursday being a reference to the Angel he’s named after. It’s not something he’s ever told anybody, and it’s not exactly common knowledge, so he’s not too afraid of this person finding it out.

As for the matter of ‘morning’, well… he had to find something, right? If he would have gone with ‘wings’ or whatever else angel-related, connections might be made.

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: October 25 at 7:45 PM

SUBJECT: Hello

_Dear Wind124_

_I’m sorry if this comes over as weird. I saw your poem, along with your email-address, and I felt this strong need to form up this message. I do not wish to laugh at you, nor do I have any other form of ill-intent. I merely wish to talk to you, for I, too, have a secret._

_My life’s not the most normal in the world, but whose is? I have two sisters, one of them being my best friend at the same time. The other one is currently in college, probably having the time of her life. My father is gruff on the outside, but has the biggest heart I’ve ever known. As for my mother, she’s been through a lot but she’s always managed to pull through. I love both of them very dearly._

_Outside of the family, I have a bunch of friends. I’ll probably better spare you the details, but let’s just say that I love them all a lot and could not imagine school without them._

_But, despite the fact that they’re my friends, despite the fact that I love my family dearly, I haven’t yet found the courage, the_ urge _to tell them about this secret of mine. Now that I think of it, I haven’t even said it out loud, once. Does that make me weird? Even as I’m writing this, I find it difficult o spell it out. May, way, say… it’s just one letter difference, and yet it’s still impossible for me to write it down._

_I apologize for my rambling, in person I’m much less talkative so this is kind of a first for me. I do hope you’ll write me back._

_-Jimmy_.

 

Castiel barely thinks. The name Jimmy comes from his very first goldfish he had once won at a carnival. Surprisingly, the animal hadn’t died right away and lived for many years before finally biting the dust last year.

He presses send before he is able to talk himself out of it. In an immediate reaction, he slams the screen down, leaning back in his chair with his hand passing through his hair. What did he just do? Did he really just send something to a random stranger?

“Castiel?”

Castiel startles, nearly falling out of his seat when the door suddenly opens up, showing Bobby entering the room with a weird look on his face.

“You weren’t… _busy_ , were you?” he asks, holding on to the doorknob while frowning at Castiel, who feels his cheeks redden. He scrambles back onto his feet, picking his chair up from the ground.

“No! I wasn’t- not _that_!” Castiel calls out nervously, pushing the chair back under the desk before kicking his knee against it. With a curse, he leans against the wall while grabbing his leg.

“Oh, well, if you say so,” Bobby returns, though finding this situation quite amusing. It’s not too obvious in the way he looks, but he’s got that amusement in his eyes that is clearly showing. Castiel knows the man well enough by now to understand these secret little parts of him. “Ellen’s finished with food, you can come down in a bit.”

Castiel, who is still holding on to his knee as he rubs the painful spot, nods. “Yeah, I’ll- I’ll be right there, alright?”

“Sure, son,” Bobby returns. “I’ll get you some ice for that knee when you’re downstairs.”

After that Bobby closes the door again. Castiel sighs, feeling embarrassed at the idea that Bobby even thought he was- no, he wouldn’t. At least not while people are still awake, that is.

Once his leg doesn’t feel too bad, he heads into the hallway. He drops his phone in the pockets of his pants before exiting his room.

Jo is already downstairs, deep in conversation with Bobby about a certain knife she would like for Christmas. Castiel already knows what the man is planning on buying her, but he’s actually wondering if he would go along with the idea of another knife. He knows that Ellen isn’t too big a fan of it, but she never speaks against it.

“Ah, Castiel, can you get some glasses for me? It seems like I forgot those,” Ellen says while carrying a heavy, hot pot towards the table. There’s always an empty seat where Anna used to sit, but despite her leaving their conversations never really died down. Castiel casts a quick glance at it before heading to the kitchen, grabbing four glasses out of the cupboard and bringing them to the dining room. Ellen quickly follows him with a steaming pot of what he thinks is pasta. It’s one of the only things she can really cook. Other moments it’s Bobby who prepares the food.

“Here you go, Ellen,” Castiel says, earning him a smile from the woman. After that, he gets seated at last, immediately followed by Jo, who is still looking down at her cellphone.

“Jo, not at the table,” Ellen warns her. Jo grunts out an inaudible reply as she turns off the screen and hides the phone away in the pocket of her hoodie.

Dinner goes as usual. Ellen asks them about their day, Jo just mutters that nothing happened while Castiel explains the latest things he’s seen in class. Ellen and Bobby both aren’t really people who would bring up ‘feelings’ at the table, so their conversations are always rather dry and easygoing. People would be bothered about that, but Castiel doesn’t mind. He knows that, whenever he has a problem he’s trouble dealing with, both Ellen and Bobby would jump immediately to help him out and listen to him. As it is, though, in the years that Castiel has been living in this family, he’s pretty much grown used to the not-sharing part.

This dinner, though, something seems different. It starts when Bobby starts talking about Dean’s first day at work this weekend. Castiel only tunes in in the middle of the story, his mind far away while his fork starts poking against a few meatballs.

“-that kid knows almost more about cars than Earl, and that guy has been working for me for seven years. I mean, I knew Dean’s smart but damn, John really taught him all the tricks.”

“Well, I for one am glad that he’s starting to be more responsible. I was getting’ rather annoyed to chase him out of my bar all the time. Kid was gonn’ get me arrested for sure if he kept that up!” Ellen mutters, reaching forward to grab another portion.

“Ever since his old man got sick, the kid changed, you know?” Bobby says.

“Mustn’t be easy, his only parent left alive and the guy ends up getting so sick he has to quit his job.”

Castiel lets out a short sigh, having no trouble at all to imagine Dean, all greased up with a huge smile on his face, holding some random tools Castiel wouldn’t know the name of in his hands. Those green eyes meeting his, laughing lines appearing once he shows those white teeth. Castiel bites his lips together, leaning his head on his hand while his hand pokes some more against the pasta.

 “Castiel, is there something wrong?” she asks, a twitch of worry in her voice. Castiel feels his cheeks redden. He clears his throat, shaking his head and dropping his fork before leaning back in the chair.

“No, I’m fine,” he says. He had only been daydreaming about Dean Winchester again, but other than that, he was perfectly fine. He realizes everybody is staring at him and his breath hitches a bit. With both hands on the table, he scrapes his chair back. “I, uh, I still have some homework that needs to be done. Is it alright if I leave?”

Ellen throws him a worried glance, and Bobby, too, has his eyebrows raised. Jo lowers her gaze again, interest long lost in the conversation as she starts texting who-ever underneath the table.

After getting Ellen’s permission to leave the table, Castiel picks up his plate and brings it to the kitchen before hurrying up to his room. Once the door is closed behind him, he smashes his head against the door.

Shit, he’s tired of this. Tired of keeping everything in. But at the same time, the idea of talking about it with his adoptive parents isn’t really the most fun that comes to mind. Neither is talking to his friends. He’s sure what’s holding him back, but it’s just like that. After all, he’s known Sam and Jo all his life. Jess came into their group a little later, and Charlie seems to just have always been there without actually being there all the time.

Castiel doesn’t know. He pulls his head away from the door and turns his head to the side, catching his computer. Remembering Charlie’s words, remembering the words he had just sent to a random stranger, Castiel feels his heart skip a beat without really knowing why. He walks back up to his desk, moving the mouse to start up the screen again. Once seeing that there’s no new e-mail, he’s not sure if he’s supposed to be disappointed, or if he should have expected it. It hasn’t even been twenty minutes or so, and to be fair, before this, Castiel almost never really checked his e-mail.

Instead, he takes out his phone, ignoring the new crack on his screen from when he dropped the thing at school. As long as he can see everything, he’s not bothering buying a new screen. Remembering what Charlie taught him about apps, Castiel quickly downloads Gmail for his device and sets up his account. After that, he decides to just take a shower and head to bed early.

He re-reads his e-mail three times when he’s under the covers, constantly wondering if he didn’t just try something hopeless. Maybe Charlie was wrong, and maybe this guy didn’t want to have somebody to talk to. Maybe, that e-mail was added there without him wanting to. Maybe it was an accident. After all, anybody who _has_ this address would know immediately who the guy is, and it wouldn’t really be anonymous anymore.

Castiel falls asleep with his phone in his hand, patiently waiting for a response.

When he wakes up the next morning, he finds out quickly that there isn’t any.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story won't be the exact same as the book/movie. A few elements are taken, but it doesn't particularly follow the timeline! Whenever the book particularly inspired me, I'll mention it so it doesn't seem like I'm just copying the book or anything :D Also, it'll be a bit shorter.  
> Enjoy!

“Heya, Cas. You alright?”

Castiel blinks, realizing that they’ve already arrived at school. Everybody’s already out of the car, but Dean’s still sitting inside, his arm draped to the other seat while he looks back at Castiel with raised eyebrows. His green eyes are staring right into his, and Castiel can’t help but feel his cheeks heaten.

“Yes, I, uh, I didn’t get much sleep last night,” he lies. He went to bed way too early, but Dean doesn’t need to know that. “I must have dozed off for a bit.”

“Hey, man, it’s alright. I get what you mean,” Dean says, giving him a smirk. “C’mon, let’s join the others.”

Castiel nods quickly, unbuckling himself before opening the door. Already walking towards the school, he sees Sam leaning towards Jess as he’s telling her a story of some sorts, next to Jo who is looking at something Charlie shows her on her phone. He startles when there’s suddenly a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll see you at lunch, ‘kay?” Dean asks, squeezing his shoulder shortly before locking his car and heading towards he entrance of the school, where he high-fives his friends, getting an arm thrown over his shoulder by Benny while Victor passes his hand through Dean’s hair. They seem to be laughing when they walk inside. Castiel sighs, just wishing he had been a bit older and able to join them. He casts another look at his phone, finding, unsurprisingly, that he still doesn’t have a response.

What was he expecting, really? Charlie was wrong, and he shouldn’t have suspected. Castiel lets out another sigh, puts his phone back in his pocket and looks up when he hears his name called out. Standing at the door are his friends, who are giving him a worried look. Castiel clears his throat, forces out a smile and starts running in their direction.

During classes, he finds himself finally forgetting about it. He listens to the teachers, writes down his notes and manages to shake off that strange feeling he’s been having for the entire morning. When Sam catches his eye during class, he offers he guy a quick smile and a wave. Sam grins as well, holding up his thumb.

Sam Winchester. Castiel can remember the day he first met him. He’d been new at the school, only recently moved in with his father and brother. According to the boy, they had been travelling for a while before John Winchester decided to settle in at last. Sam had arrived in class, forced to introduce himself, and Castiel had been the boy with the empty seat next to him. As soon as Sam had been seated, the two shared another quick introduction, and after that their friendship started.

Now, while Castiel knows close to everything about Sam, the thing is different with his brother Dean. Sam is pretty much an open book; he doesn’t have the best relationship with their dad, wishes for nothing more than to have a dog, to read in his spare time, and to take walks in the nature around them.

As much as Sam has told Castiel about Dean, he knows that the older brother is kind of the opposite from him. Castiel doesn’t really know in what way, since he’s never really had the chance to get to know him all that much. At first, Dean had been the annoying older brother who did everything to embarrass his little brother. He didn’t take the time to get to know Sam’s friends, mostly just… flirting with girls at school and hopping from one girlfriend to the other.

The Singers and the Winchesters had been close, Bobby and John working together at the garage while Sam and Castiel slowly became best friends. Then, after Bobby and Ellen got together, Jo joined in on their little group.

It was only once Castiel turned fourteen that he started to notice things about Dean that he never had before. While the older boy still seemed reluctant to hang out with his younger brother and his friends, he did act a whole lot friendlier against them. And that’s when Castiel started to realize that Dean Winchester was, in fact, the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

That must have been the time that he realized how exactly he was different from Sam. He’d been aware of it ever since, yet never uttered a word about it.

When the bell rings, Castiel gets pulled out of his train of thoughts. Sam is at his desk in no time, giving him a smile.

“You okay, C? You’ve been dreamy all day,” Sam asks while Castiel gets on his feet.

“Yes, I’m alright,” Castiel assures him. He nods towards the door, and both boys head out of the class. Sam starts talking about something that happened in some TV-show he’s watching that Castiel knows nothing about. The conversation keeps up when Charlie joins them, seemingly sensing the geek-vibes going around. After a while, it strays over to their date from yesterday, leaving Castiel a bit embarrassed that he actually forgot about it. On their way to the next class, he passes a couple of his theater-friends. They are people he’s actually friendly with, but besides drama they would never really hang out. There’s Samandriel – who earned himself the name ‘Alfie’ when playing a character with that name, Gabriel, another senior who has a serious sweet tooth, Balthazar, a playboy who refuses to let go of the British accent he trained on himself despite the fact that he’s not really British, and Hannah, the shy girl who always seems to blush whenever Castiel’s around.

There are a few other members in drama, such as Marv, Jess and Charlie, but he wouldn’t really consider himself ‘friends’ with Marv. The guy’s rather annoying.

As he gets to his next class, he sees Hannah. He gives her a short nod, wordlessly following his friends. He’s all too aware that Hannah is looking away with a red face, but he doesn’t pay too much attention to it.

The day is rather boring, he finds. By the time school’s finished, he gets himself back to the parking lot, where he can see Dean already waiting for them. Castiel wills the feeling in his stomach to go away and takes a deep breath before approaching him. When Dean notices him, he opens up his mouth to say something, but that’s when Jo comes rushing past him, giving Dean a punch against his arm.

“You skippin’ class all the time? Why are you always here so early?” she asks before getting herself in the car. Dean rubs his arm, giving her a short glare. Whatever he had been planning to ask Castiel, he seems to have forgotten. Instead, he opens his own door and gets himself behind the wheel. The playful bickering between the two starts up again, and for a moment Castiel wonders how blind Dean has to be is he can’t see just how hopelessly lost she is on him.

They’re quickly joined by Charlie and Sam, the latter taking his usual place in the front seat next to his brother. The drop-off happens in the opposite way of the pick-up, so Charlie’s the first one to go. Only when she’s no longer by his side does Castiel pull out his phone.

He’s a rather private person, and he doesn’t really like it when people read along on his screen. Charlie, while being a sweet girl, is also way too curious for Castiel’s good.

Castiel almost drops his phone when he sees that he has an e-mail waiting for him. One from _Wind_ , nonetheless.

“Jeez, careful, C. One more crack and you won’t be able to read _anything_ on that screen,” Jo tells him with a smirk. Sam laughs at her comment, and Dean’s eyes meet his through the rear mirror. Castiel just shrugs, putting his phone aside with the intention to read the e-mail when he’s home. Alone. In his room. With nobody there that can yank the phone out of his hands. Ergo Jo or Sam.

It’s never happened to him that he couldn’t wait to get out of that car. Usually, he wants the trip to last longer, but this time, the moment Dean puts the car in park, Castiel jumps out of it with a quick goodbye to them both.

He’s aware that they might be wondering what’s up, but he can’t wait any longer. He has mail, and he needs to read it right away.

Ellen’s not home, and neither is Bobby. They’re both probably at the Roadhouse and the Garage. That’s good, though, because then at least they won’t see him rushing to his bedroom like an idiot. Or like Charlie who tries to watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones before she can get spoiled.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 26 at 2:31 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Hello

_Hi Jimmy._

_I’m guessing that’s not your real name, right? As far as I know, we don’t have a Jimmy at our school, but maybe we do and I just don’t know everybody here. That’s actually probably the case._

_Whoa, I’m sorry. Anyway, thanks for reaching out. I wasn’t really expecting anybody to send me anything. After all, our school isn’t quite… against people like us, so it’s not like I expected any hate or whatever our unlucky friends in other states and countries would have gotten._

_It may be a LITTLE weird that you would send a random stranger, but then again I suppose writing that poem is weird as well. In fact, I hate poetry. I suppose I was feeling a bit… weird. If my brother would know it was me, I would never hear the end of it!_

_Talking about family, I won’t go too much into detail, but I have a brother I would die for, though he doesn’t need to know that. Other than that, our family further consists of my Dad only, but I’ll tell you a secret (mostly because you have no idea who I am and I’m rather enjoying the fact that I can tell you everything without it resulting into disaster): we have a half-brother as well. He’s only a kid, around nine, I think. I never met the kid, and neither has my brother. In fact, I think my brother doesn’t even know about his existence. I found out mostly by accident when my dad was on the phone, but as far as I know, he’s no longer together with the woman._

_Man, this is weird. Normally I don’t talk to people about these kinds of things. Is it alright if I tell you all of this? I mean, I assume you sent me to talk to me, right?_

_I have some friends, too. Only a few of them are aware of the fact that I’m gay, and I’m mostly intending on keeping it this way. My own damn brother doesn’t even know, which is actually ridiculous since I tell him everything…_

_I should wrap this up, I have a class starting in five minutes. But I do have a question: How long have you known that you are ‘May, Way, Say’…? ;-)!_

_\- Wind_

Castiel lets out a long and deep breath. He would never have expected that Wind would actually answer his mail. And with such a long response? No way in hell, this is almost too good to be true. Castiel clears his throat, starting up his computer before dropping his phone on the desk. He does a quick run downstairs to fill a tiny bowl of Lucky Charms before hopping back upstairs. On his way to his room, he finds Jo leaning against the wall with her phone in her hand.

“Jow, you okay C?” Jo asks, looking up at him. “You ran out really quickly, I was almost worried you were sick?”

Castiel shakes his head. “No, no, I’m fine. I just started binge-watching a show yesterday and couldn’t wait to see the next episode, but then I got hungry.” He holds up his bowl to accentuate his point. Jo raises an eyebrow, looking unimpressed.

“Really? What show?” she asks. Castiel struggles in his mind while he tries to find an answer.

“Uh, S- uh, South Park?” he asks hesitantly. He heard Dean mentioning the show once during a drive to school, or at least he hopes it’s a show.

“South Park? Really? Wouldn’t have thought that was your kind of thing,” Jo says. She lowers her phone and there’s a grin on her face. “It’s easy that the episodes can be watched on their website.”

Castiel nods. He didn’t know that, but it might save him. He supposes that means he needs to watch a few episodes of it so he at least knows _something_ about it.

“Well, we should watch together sometimes. But not today. Today I have judo. I’ll see you in two hours?” Jo picks up her bag from the ground – Castiel hadn’t even noticed it was there – and then she pockets her phone. Taking the spoon from Castiel’s bowl, she takes a bunch of his Lucky Charms into her mouth before leaving with a quick wave.

Good, this is good. Nobody in the house. Nobody there to disturb him.

Castiel hurries upstairs, accidentally spilling some milk on the carpet without realizing it. Once he’s back in his room, his computer has started up. He quickly starts his web browser to put up a next mail.

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 26 at 4:58 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Hello

_Hello, Wind._

_You’re right. Jimmy isn’t my real name. I figured, since you’re anonymous, I would take the luxury of being as well. It makes things a lot easier, don’t you think?_

_I’m glad you feel comfortable sharing the existence of your half-brother with me, though I’m sure your actual brother should probably know about it, don’t you think? Maybe he would love to get to meet him? Maybe not. I don’t know your brother so I have no idea._

_I’m rather surprised to read that you’re averse to poetry. I find myself rather enjoying reading it. One Christmas, my parents gave me a whole book of poetry, and I recited a few of them during family gatherings. They never made me, luckily. I always did it whenever I wanted._

_I’m rather glad that people aren’t too against people like us. At least, I’m basing myself on the school’s reaction when that one girl announced she’s lesbian. That’s the reaction I hope to get, though I’m still fearful. People don’t seem as disgusted with two women loving each other as they are with two men doing the same thing. I’m sad they often don’t see that love is just love, no matter which body you possess._

_Do you have plans for Halloween? I am going to a party, and my friend has already chosen which costume I get to wear. Isn’t that sad? I cannot even choose who I want to go as, as she always has these amazing ideas and never takes no for an answer. Of course, I’m never complaining. I like her ideas, a lot in fact._

_Say, do you know of the show South Park? My sister kind of caught me running to my room and I gave her the excuse that I started watching this show, but to be fair I know close to nothing about it other than that my friends watch it._

_As to when I knew I was… ‘May, Way, Say…’? It happened around when I was fourteen I think. I had a friend who had an older brother, and I suppose I kind of started crushing on the guy when puberty hit him in the good way. I never told him, of course. To this day, he still doesn’t have any idea about it, and I want to keep it that way._

_It’s also good that you have a friend you have told, though may I ask how exactly you told him? I’m finding myself rather anxious telling my own friends, and I can’t really explain why. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it, but I just don’t want them to see me differently after this._

_\- Jimmy._

Castiel lets out a sigh, takes a bite from his Lucky Charms and leans back in his chair. He looks at what he’s written twice before sending it. After that, he adds a tab on his browser and makes a search for that website from South Park. He should watch some of those episodes.

He thinks he’s going to regret it.

  

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 26 at 10:39 PM

SUBJECT: South Park is Gay

_Don’t be surprised by the way I’ve chosen to describe this mail. I’m telling you the complete truth when I say that the show has an actual episode called like that. It’s when all the characters are suddenly ‘metrosexual’ and are acting extremely ‘gay’ against each other, until the actual gays become angry for it. All in all, the show is rather hilarious._

_The show is… well, you love it or you hate it. I think it’s genius, but I have friends who refuse to watch it because of the crappy humor and animation. But if you find yourself having trouble relating to the characters, keep on watching. It’s a long while, but in season nineteen, you’ll get a gay couple in the group. They’re quite popular in the fanbase, from what I believe. That episode, by the way, was pretty hilarious, too._

_I get why you don’t want to announce it just yet. It’s true that everybody reacted well to Charlie’s announcement, but like you said, it’s like people – mostly men – are more easy to accept lesbians because at least that way they can have more things to fantasize about in bed. People are gross._

_As for how I told my friend, it’s actually a rather shameful story. I had kind of a crush on him at the time. And one day I went to a party, got a bit drunk and tried to kiss him. He stopped me before it happened and drove me home. I was afraid that he would push me away afterwards, but instead he promised to keep my secret. He rejected me, but kindly. So, yeah. That guy was also the one that made me realize I liked men._

_Anyway, you had girlfriends before? I did. A couple of them. They never lasted long, of course, given the fact that they were lacking a dick in their pants. Obviously._

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 27 at 7:02 AM

SUBJECT: Re: South Park is Gay

_I have watched the first three episodes of the first season. There’s a lot of cursing in it. I was kind of shocked, to be honest, since these are kids. Animated kids. Kids watch these things. But, I suppose I could see the fun in it nonetheless._

_I had a girlfriend once. She was an old friend of mine who ended up liking me more than just a friend, and I just sort of went with it. We never kissed or anything, barely even held hands. We were just… ‘together’ as they say. But, to be fair, we were only twelve at the time. Now, we’re still kind of friends, but we differ so much in personality that we can’t always stand each other. Often we just hang out once a month or so before we scratch each other’s eyes out._

_I look forward to season nineteen, then. I was already happy with seeing the episode with the ‘big gay boat’. It’s fun to see that gods in their show can be homosexual as well. All animals, in fact!_

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 27 at 7:03 AM

SUBJECT: Re: South Park is Gay

_* DOGS, not gods_

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 27 at 11:05 PM

SUBJECT: Gay gods

_Gods can be gay, too ;-)_

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 28 at 7:10 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Gay Gods

_Don’t announce that to church on Sunday’s._

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 28 at 11:47 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Gay gods

_I don’t really go to church, so I suppose that won’t be too big of a deal. You go to church? My mother took me once or twice when I was really small, but after she passed nobody in my family was really one to have ‘faith’, though I think I might have caught my brother praying a few times._

_Also, I’m actually wondering who you’re going as on Halloween. I never really mentioned it, but I’m going to a party as well. Got my costume picked out and all. Of course, I’m not gonna tell you who I’ll be. No offense, but I find myself liking this anonymity thing a lot._

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 29 at 9:53 AM

SUBJECT: Halloween Mystery

_No, I get it. In fact, I completely agree with what you say, which is why I won’t be telling you who I’m going as, either. Though it’s pretty epic, in the words of my friend. And yes, I go to church. Nobody in my family is really catholic, but my mother takes me to church just so I’m not alone there. I think it’s kind of her, but in a way I think it’s also because she found a lot of support in the church when somebody in her family died and she had such a hard time._

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 29 at 11:53 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Halloween Mystery

_I’m sorry to read your mom’s had a hard time. I’m glad she’s doing better now._

_Also, I apologize beforehand if you receive any weird e-mail from me on Halloween. It probably means I’m drunk. Really drunk._

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 30 at 6:48 AM

SUBJECT: That’s illegal.

_That’s illegal. But at least I’ll be prepared. And, to be fair, if you receive something weird from me, it probably means my friends kind of got me drinking as well._

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 30 at 5:15 PM

SUBJECT: Re: That’s illegal

_that’s illegal._

_\- Wind_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting dates? What are those? And why only one chapter/week? Hell no, there should be more; And there will be more. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“You look great!”

Castiel grunts, frowning at the silver paint on his arm and the dark lines that are supposed to accentuate the robotic parts of it. He’d known that Charlie would get him to do this, but after almost two hours of work on it, he’s almost afraid to do anything with it.

“I’m going to ruin it” Castiel warns her. Charlie rolls her eyes, her hair surprisingly short to portray Black Widow’s look from the first Avengers movie. On Castiel’s head there’s a brown wig with shoulder-length greasy hair, and Charlie had the best fun drawing extremely dark circles around his eyes. At least she didn’t get him the mask, though he’s sure she would have easily found it at one of her conventions or something.

“Cosplays always get a bit ruined at the end,” she points out. “But this is good stuff. This is the shit they use in movies. Remember Guardians of the Galaxy?”

Castiel blinks. Charlie rolls her eyes.

“The movie with the green chick and the talking raccoon?”

“Ah, yes, what of it?” Castiel picks up a bottle of water and enjoys the liquid hydrating his throat.

“It’s that kind of paint. The one they used to make the woman green and the man blue and the others pink or yellow. It isn’t cheap stuff!”

“Then why would you use it on Halloween?” Castiel asks in a frown, holding up the arm and looking down at it. Despite her words, he’s still afraid of doing anything with it.

“Because, cosplay asks for dedication,” Charlie says while sticking out her tongue. “Oh, if we find a Captain America I could take a picture of the two of you?”

“It’s Halloween, there won’t be a Captain America,” Castiel mutters. Charlie seems to think they’re off for a convention, instead.

“Of course there’ll be one! And you’re not robbing me of my Stucky-picture!”

Now it’s Castiel’s turn to roll his eyes. He’s very much aware that Charlie has this idea that the Captain and his childhood friend are in a relationship – to be fair, he’s had the same idea when he first watched the movie.

“Alright, picture-time,” Charlie says, looking around in search for a phone and finding Castiel’s first. Before he can stop her, she starts up the screen, her thumb already heading for the camera-icon, only to hesitate when she sees he has a notification.

Castiel itches to take the phone from her, but when he sees she’s opening the camera rather than asking questions he lets out a relieved breath. He tries to recreate the Winter Soldier’s look as much as he can as she takes the shot before holding out his hand for the phone. Charlie locks the screen again, handing it over.

“You got an e-mail or something. I didn’t really look at it,” she says, though Castiel can somehow feel that she’s lying. She probably read Wind’s name on it, but for some reason decides not to bring it up. Castiel lets out a relieved breath, feeling the device once again in his hand and putting it away in one of the belt-satchels. This costume is ridiculously accurate, to be honest.

“I’ll read it later,” Castiel assures her. Charlie nods, though still giving him a long, thoughtful look.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she asks. Castiel frowns, his eyes meeting hers.

“Of course, I know that,” he returns, a bit confused by the sudden statement. “Charlie, is there something wrong?”

Charlie looks for a few seconds longer before shaking her head, a flash of disappointment in her eyes. Castiel feels a short moment of dread before thinking better of it. There’s no way she knows about it, right? Though… it should be easy to just tell her. She’s kind of like him, after all. Charlie should be the easiest person to say it to.

But how could he, if he can’t even _think_ the word inside his head. ‘May, Way, Say…’. That’s the way he and Wind have decided to call it, which sounds absolutely ridiculous. But, most of his e-mails with Wind are rather filled with nonsense. Though, with each notification he gets, his chest gets a little bit warmer.

So far, he still has no idea who this person is. There’s some subconscious part of him that wishes it would be Dean, since he, too, has lost his mother and has a younger brother. But that could be anybody, still. Besides, never in a thousand years would he see Dean write poetry, even if Wind announced that he hates it pretty much, too.

But with every mail he gets, he can easily imagine Dean behind his computer, a small smile on his face while he types down a response. Unless he knows better, he’ll just imagine it this way.

“C?” Charlie suddenly asks, and the urge to tell her everything is strong, but at the same time it’s like it’s stuck against a dam. Words die in his mouth, lips preparing to speak but no sound coming over them.

“I’m fine,” he returns after a while. “Let’s just go? I’m sure Jo has already fallen asleep in the living room.”

Charlie nods, grabbing Castiel’s left hand and pulling him along. Once they get downstairs, they find that Jo isn’t sleeping at all. Instead, she’s suffering the gaze of the camera when Ellen takes pictures of her costume.

“C’mon, try and look scary, girl,” Ellen urges her on. Jo rolls her eyes. She’s dressed like a zombie, having gotten help from Charlie with the special effects. She looks truly amazing, and not too much like she’s going to eat everybody alive. She looks like a friendly zombie. Yeah, that’s it.

“Aaargh,” the girl says, holding up her hands in a way that should scare little kids, though there’s not much conviction in her voice.

“Jo, zombies don’t roll their eyes at their mother,” Ellen warns her before snapping one last picture. Then she turns around, smiling as she sees Castiel and Charlie approaching. “Ah, come here! Let me get a picture of you, too.”

In comparison to Jo, Castiel doesn’t really mind. He comes to stand where Jo had been before, pulling Charlie along. The two grab their fake guns, and they take a menacing pose. Ellen laughs, taking the picture before nodding in agreement.

“Now, _that’s_ how you pose,” she says, earning her another eye-roll from Jo.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. C’mon, Sam says they’ll be here shortly.” Jo takes off, heading towards the front door. Castiel runs up to Ellen to gently kiss her cheek before following her.

“Don’t wait up for us, Ellen!” Castiel assures her.

“Don’t come home drunk!” Ellen returns. Castiel snorts.

“That’s illegal,” he says, smirking at his own joke. Except, it isn’t that funny for people who don’t know what it’s about.

By the time they get outside, they see the familiar black car coming up, revealing Sam behind the wheel with no Dean in sight.

“Wait, he actually _let_ you drive?” Charlie asks when she takes place in the backseat. Castiel follows her, knowing that Jo will claim shotgun anyway.

“Yeah, he’s already there, helped with preparations. I had to drop him off,” Sam says with a smile. “And given the fact that he’s not planning on staying sober, it felt safer for me to drive.”

Castiel can’t argue with that logic. He looks outside the window, on one side a bit disappointed that Dean isn’t here with them, but at the other side strangely excited about seeing him there. Charlie shows him some stuff on her phone about fan convention she’s planning on going to and intends to drag him along to it. Castiel won’t complain, he’s rather curious on what such an event entails.

Sam drives them carefully to Inias’ house, taking good care of Dean’s Baby (which is how he calls his car). Once they’re outside, Castiel stretches his limbs, taking another look at his now silver arm. He’s quite impressed that the paint didn’t go off. Dean would have killed him for staining the leather.

“Told ya, that’s the good stuff,” Charlie repeats, poking him in the side with her elbow. Castiel chuckles, throwing his arm over her shoulder and the both of them walking inside, only to be greeted by Inias himself.

“Guys! You’re here!” he calls out with open arms. Inias is wearing what seems like a costume related to Star Wars. There’s a big grin on his face, and when he nears them he gives them all a hug. “Most of the people are already there. There’s a pool in the back, and some more fun stuff in the garden.”

Charlie smiles, though patting Castiel’s shoulder.

“This guy isn’t getting in there, I worked too much on that arm of his,” she says with a wicked grin. Inias chuckles, but his eyes suddenly widen when he takes in Castiel’s costume.

“No way, the Winter Soldier? You need to take a picture with Dean, then! He’s the Captain!”

Castiel jumps when he gets a few pokes in the side, actually yelping without his consent.

“Hey!” he calls out to Charlie, who suddenly started to assault him.

“I told you! I told you there’ll be one! Didn’t I tell you? Because I told you!” Charlie calls out. Inias then actually starts laughing.

“Dean told me that you told him to have that costume?” Inias points out, and now Castiel throws Charlie a glare, which the girl ignores in favor of grinning to both of them.

“Exactly! Nobody’s gonna rob me of my OTP!” she says, patting Castiel’s cheek and disappearing into the crowd, grabbing a cup of soda from the bar beforehand. Castiel shakes his head, letting out a sigh.

“That girl is unbelievable,” he mutters, his right hand going up behind his neck, his fingers scratching through his hair nervously. He startles when Inias suddenly grabs his left arm.

“Wow, that work is amazing!” Inias says, blinking as he takes in the shadows and the lines. The arm doesn’t shine as much as an actual metal arm shines, but it still looks pretty awesome. “Charlie’s really talented, right?”

Castiel nods. “Right,” he confirms. He looks down at where Inias’ hands are still touching his skin, and he tilts his head a bit to the side. Inias catches up on it, letting go of him before nodding towards the bar.

“You want a drink?” he offers. Castiel opens his mouth to answer, but instead nods when he fears that his voice might crack a bit. He’s always been somebody who gets thrown off his feet by physical touch. Not because he doesn’t like it, but because the Harvelle-Singer household isn’t really the biggest ‘touchy’- family.

Once he gets a red cup handed to him by Inias, he holds it up with a smile and takes a large gulp. He almost chokes on it when he realizes that it’s not coke or any other kind of soda.

“Oh, shit, I should have warned you, I’m sorry!” Inias calls out. Castiel gets a few pats on the back from Jo, who suddenly appeared next to him. She takes the cup from him and gulps down the rest in one go. Then she smiles, winking at the both of them.

“Benny is giving his all at the karaoke stand, it’s rather hilarious,” Jo says, laughing. It’s great to see her smile like this. It’s better than the constant brooding she does at home. Castiel fears that, the moment she’s old enough for college, she’s out of here. Granted, the same can be said of Castiel, but for some reason it seems like Jo’s only mission in High School is to earn the independence she so much craves. Then she pulls on Castiel’s arm.

“Jo?” he asks.

“C’mon, let’s dance, bro!” she calls out happily. Without any chance of complaint he’s dragged along to the living room that seems to have unofficially been changed into the dance floor. So far, he hasn’t seen Dean around, but he can’t be far away.

Dancing with his adoptive sister, Castiel finds that he’s having quite some fun. Sure, people are grinding against each other, probably more drunk than they should be at their age. Somewhere to the side, he can see Jess dressed up as Supergirl, deep in conversation with Charlie. A bit further away stands Sam, who seems to hesitate on approaching her.

They head to the garden after ten more minutes. Jess and Charlie have now joined them, each holding their own cup. There’s another girl in their small group Castiel recognizes as Dorothy. When their eyes meet, they give each other a nod and a short smile.

Castiel decides to walk around for a bit. He’s not really feeling like sitting down and drinking. He catches Sam talking to Benny and Victor, but there’s still no Dean to be seen. It’s getting rather annoying, and Castiel fears that he might be getting frustrated. If that happens, people will ask what’s wrong and he’ll just get even more annoyed.

He lets out a sigh, nodding towards Meg when he sees her. She nods back, smirking and giving him a wink before continuing her conversation with Ruby a bit further away.

“CEEEEEE!” he suddenly hears behind him, and when he turns around he finds Charlie storming up to him, grabbing his arm and pulling him along. “My Stucky pic! I need it! Like, now!” she shouts as she drags him back to the crowd.

“What?” he asks in confusion. He didn’t think she was actually serious about it, but when he finds that she’s dragging him back to their group where now Dean is standing as well, all dressed up in a good-looking Captain America uniform and a shield that looks a little bit too real, he realizes with dread that she might have meant it all along.

“Cas!” Dean calls out with a smile. “Look at you! You’re dressed up as my BFF!” he’s joking, but the laughing lines next to his lips are just enough to make Castiel melt.

“I- suppose I am,” Castiel returns. Charlie pushes him towards Dean side, making him bump up against the older boy. Dean catches him in his arms easily, letting out an amused chuckle. Castiel blinks up at him for a few seconds before looking down, eyes stuck on the metal shield he’s holding in his hand. That looks… heavy?

“You like it? I bought it at one of Charlie’s conventions in the summer,” Dean says happily. “There are a few scratches on it, so the price was reduced – a lot.” Castiel can’t help it but reach for the shield. Dean lets go of it, so Castiel can observe it intently. In fact, he’s mostly doing that out of fear that he’ll start drooling while looking at Dean. He’s always liked the character of Captain America, and now seeing Dean as him… It makes him almost wish Dean would have been cast as the character as well – because at least then he could have ogled him without the chances of Dean seeing it.

“Okay, enough of that,” Charlie calls out! “I want my Stucky picture! Dean, raise the shield up to your head, hide your face!”

“Wow, thanks Charlie. I didn’t know I was so hideous to look at,” Dean laughs. Charlie rolls her eyes.

“Shut up, you know you’re the prettiest princess at the ball,” Charlie returns.

“’m Not a princess,” Dean counters, but he does as Charlie asked of him.

“Now, C, stand next to him, hide your face behind the shield as well!”

“Charlie, is this really necessary?” Castiel asks, a bit unsure about being so close to Dean.

“Y-E-S!” she shouts back. “C’mon! Get to fake-smooching behind that shield!”

Castiel rolls his eyes but he indulges her. Once they’re both hidden behind the shield, Dean gives him a smirk that does something to Castiel’s stomach. Imagine, just imagine, that this is the guy he’s been sending messages to for the past few days? That would just have been the greatest thing ever.

“Heya, Cas,” Dean says in an attempt to break the tension.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel returns. He startles when, from behind the shield, Charlie grabs his arm and lifts his hand up towards Dean’s. When she makes them hold hands, he’s surprised when Dean squeezes into his fingers.

“Chillax, pal, everything’s alright,” he assures him. “Let Charlie just take her pic and then you and me will challenge some people for beer pong, whatcha think?”

Castiel nods, wondering if his face is already bright red. He’s being super-obvious now, isn’t he? If only he could just sink into the ground.

“We can’t challenge Sam, though. He’s driving, after all.”

Castiel laughs. “You’re right,” he says. And shit, they’re standing so close. All it would take is a short step forward, and then their lips would be on each other. It’s so easy, just in reach.

“Done!” Charlie shouts, and suddenly the shield is down. Dean and Cas both take a step backward, and their hands let go just as quick. “Alright, just some photoshop and this could become an epic piece of art!”

Suddenly, Charlie is gone with her eyes on her phone. Dean is still smiling, but Castiel clears his throat and turns to the side, just wishing he could sink into the ground and disappear.

“C’mon, Cas, let’s challenge some people,” Dean calls out, throwing an arm over Castiel’s shoulder and guiding him along through the garden. “Vic, Benny! You up for a game?”

And that’s how, five minutes later, Castiel finds himself standing in front of a table with multiple cups on either side. Dean seemed pretty insistent on having Castiel on his team, and neither Benny nor Victor objected to it.

To keep it simple, Castiel pretty much sucks at the game. Or, at least more than the others. While Victor’s a good shot, still, it seems like Benny is having trouble throwing ball into cups as well. But, despite that, it looks like everybody is having fun, and the teams are pretty evenly matched.

He feels like he’s floating when Dean wraps an arm around his shoulder whenever he succeeds, and whenever he fails he’ll just pass his hand through his hair – Castiel took off the wig when they started the game because the long hairs would keep on getting in his eyes.

By the time they finish the game, Castiel thinks it’s safe to say he’s no longer sober. Not at all. No way. Because if he were sober, Dean wouldn’t have been glowing in front of him, right? Or, wait, no, Dean is always glowing. He’s a piece of art, the most beautiful thing around. But he’s not supposed to be glowing like that star from Stardust, right?

Maybe Castiel should go lie down, no?

After the game, they go their separate ways. Castiel heads back inside, being grabbed along for a bit of karaoke with Charlie but failing all the words. He has no idea how late it is, but he does notice how hard it is to stand still.

It takes him one more hour before he leans up towards Charlie.

“Toilet,” he mutters out. He has no idea where it is. Charlie points her finger upwards.

“Upstairs. I think somebody passed out on the one here, and nobody can open the door,” she says loudly to get above the music. Castiel nods, his eyes drooping shut. With wobbly legs he heads to the stairs and holds on to the metal bar to keep himself from falling down.

It’s dark, and when he tries to reach for a light switch he finds nothing. Darkness it is. Carefully he gets himself through the hallway, just opening a door at random. There’s light inside, this could be it, right?

Or, it could be his biggest crush making out with Lisa Braeden in a bed that clearly doesn’t belong to him. Surprised at the sudden intrusion, Dean looks up, eyes wide as his mouth falls open.

“Cas, what’s-“ he starts to ask, but all Castiel finds himself able to do is stare at him. Because this is the proof he needs, right? Of course, he knew Dean had girlfriends before in the past, and that he’s sleeping around a bit. But still some small part of him hoped that, just maybe, he would have changed. That the way he’d been around Castiel tonight hadn’t just been how he is with others.

Dean gets out of the bed, carefully walking towards him with his hands reaching out.

“Are you okay, buddy?” he asks. Castiel blinks only twice before turning around, grabbing the little trashcan on the ground and dumping all the contents of his stomach into it.

“Oh my God,” Lisa calls out from the bed. Castiel feels a hand on his back. The tears are running down his cheeks, hating the feeling his stomach makes whenever this happens. The puking part, that is, not the getting his heart crushed by something he should have seen happening. While that would make him cry, too, he wouldn’t have been doing it in front of Dean.

Castiel isn’t too sure of what’s happening next. It mostly happens in flashes. One moment, Dean is helping him back downstairs. The next, he’s in the car, hearing Sam talk to him without really understanding what he’s saying.

By the time he’s standing in front of the door of his house, he’s leaning heavily against Jo. The girl has her arm wrapped around his middle, and she’s holding out the key to open the door until, suddenly, it opens for them.

“I thought I said no drinking?” Ellen says with her arms crossed in front of her. The two teens look up at her with a scared expression. When Bobby suddenly appears next to him, he gives them a short look before sighing.

“Just- go upstairs, alright? We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

The two nod and Jo helps Castiel to his bedroom. There she helps him out of his uniform, gets him in his PJ’s and shuts off the light for him.

“You’ll be okay, C,” she whispers before leaving the room. The moment the door is closed, Castiel lets out a shuddering breath. No longer needing to hold it in, he lets the first tears stream down his face, unable and unwilling to hold them back.

Because every fiber in his body had hoped that Dean was Wind, and now he just feels like the biggest jerk because of that. With shaky hands, he reaches for his phone, remembering that he got a message earlier. He still hasn’t read it. The light of the screen hurts his eyes, but he bites through it.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 31 at 5:52 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Let me tell you a story

_Wow, I can’t believe you actually told him that. Did you earn suspension for it? Were your parents angry? My dad would be PISSED OFF if I did that._

_As for my most embarrassing moment in class, well, it’s in fact from a few years ago or so. I was dating this girl, and we used to have lit together. And she kept on passing me notes, telling me how much she loved me and stuff, and I would never write her back because, hello, I was fifteen? I didn’t LOVE her, we were too young for that shit!_

_Anyway, after a while it seemed like she had a lot to say, because she wrote a whole letter, and tried to pass it along again, only this time the teacher caught it and made me read it in front of class. Normally I wouldn’t have cared, really, but apparently, she felt the need to write down the ten reasons why she loved me, which were one by one more embarrassing. To put it short, I ended that relationship after that, I couldn’t take it anymore. Of course she hated me after that, but I could live with that. I totally could._

_Anyway, have fun at your party. Is it weird that I kind of wish you would send a drunk mail? Just because I think that would just be hilarious. No pressure, of course. Wouldn’t want you to get drunk just for me._

_\- Wind_

Castiel lets out a quiet breath, sniffing his nose and wiping a tear away. It’s okay. His hope might be smashed, but he forgot something. Despite being practically completely sure that there’s no way he’ll ever be with Dean, he’s not alone. Wind doesn’t know who he is, but he’s still there. Castiel is not alone.

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 1:48 AM

SUBJECT: i broke th law an live suckks

_do you know t hat feelin when ur crushing on a str8 guy?_

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 1:52 AM

SUBJECT: Re: i broke th law an live sucks

  _Oh no, what happened?_

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 1:59 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: i broke th law an live sucks

  _im crushing on a str8 guy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 2:03 AM

SUBJECT: no shit sherlock

_I got that, yeah. Don’t be a smartass. What was the guy like? He a nerd? Handsome? Lots of friend? Maybe even popular?_

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 1:59 AM

SUBJECT: Re: no shit sherlock

  _dont get me started. he's like a god or something. is that blasphemy? i don’t evn care._

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 2:03 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: no shit sherlock

  _Well, he sounds like an idiot to me. Nobody in their right mind would chose a woman over you._

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 2:10 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: no shit sherlock

_how can u say that when you don’t even know w hat i look like?_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 2:15 AM

SUBJECT: To many Re’s in the title before

_I don’t need to know what you look like to know that you’re the most amazing person I know._

_And I can assure you, it sucks for a bit, but eventually you’ll have it easier to live with it. After all, why go for a straight guy when we are so much better? ;-)_

_\- Wind_

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 1 at 2:20 AM

SUBJECT: agree

  _:-)_

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be afraid to let me know what you think! Any feedback helps out a lot :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm almost finished writing the story. I'm not following a posting-day anymore. I've never really been good at those, after all.   
> It's just chapters at random, now!

When it comes to punishment, Castiel figures it could have been worse. Sure, he’s greasy all over, and his muscles feel awful, but at the same time he feels extremely refreshed and attentive to everything around him.

Bobby has him carrying around a couple of things in the garage. Given his lack of knowledge of anything that has to do with cars, the man wisely kept him away from them and let him run around for a bit, instead. Castiel doesn’t mind too much, because it keeps him busy and it makes sure that his mind is not wondering to places it shouldn’t go.

Dean is here, because of course he is. But… in the past week, Castiel figures it’s better this way. It would have been a stupid idea, after all. No? Probably, yes. Dean is Sam’s brother. Dean likes girls. Castiel shouldn’t want to be with somebody who can’t like him for having something between his legs that girls don’t.

Besides, Dean is not Wind, and Wind is somehow always there to make him feel better in the form of electronic messages through the internet. Castiel can’t deny that his stomach isn’t still doing that fluttering thing around Dean, but… That’s just how things will be, he supposes.

His messages with Wind have kept going. Even during the two weeks that he’s stuck carrying around heavy things at Bobby’s garage, the man at least allows him his cellphone and laptop in the evening. He supposes he’s learned his lesson; no more drinking before he’s old enough. Right.

“Yo, Cas, can you get me that oil-can at your feet there?” Dean suddenly shouts out, hidden underneath a car Castiel wouldn’t even be able to name. He looks down, finding a yellow bottle at his feet. He picks it up and starts walking towards Dean slowly. He’s aware of Bobby making sure he’s not running away from his job, but he wouldn’t even dream of doing that.

“Here you go, Dean,” Castiel says, handing it to the boy with a small smile. Dean comes up from underneath the car, giving him a greasy grin before disappearing back under it.

“Thanks, pal,” he says. Castiel sighs internally before heading back to Bobby’s. On his way, he catches a quick look at his phone, finding that there’s no message from Wind, yet. That’s alright, he realized rather quickly that he ever only answers in the evening during week days. In the week-end, it’s possible to get more messages in a day.

 By the time his ‘shift’ ends at the garage, he says his quick goodbye to Bobby before hurrying onto his bike. It’s not too far from his house and while Bobby offered to drive him, Castiel rather enjoys the fifteen minutes of spending time outside. As he gets outside, he finds Dean’s car. It’s a piece of art, even he has to admit. And he knows close to nothing about them.

He makes a quick stop at the store, picking up a pack of Reese’s Wind told him he should get after he admitted that he never had them before. In Wind’s words: ‘they’re an edible orgasm’. Of course, that bit had made Castiel blush a bit when he read it.

There aren’t too many people here, which is fine. He heads towards the food department and finds the orange package easily enough. In all his life, he’s never felt the urge to try it, but after Wind’s words, he’s rather curious.

“Castiel?” somebody asks behind him. Castiel startles, nearly dropping the pack of 8 Reese’s cups in his surprise. When he turns around, he’s suddenly facing Marv, though he shouldn’t have been surprised since he would have recognized that voice everywhere.

“Hello, Marv,” Castiel says. He takes in the boy in front of him; thick, brown hair in wild curls that have been brushed out. His shirt says ‘I once ate a watch, it was time-consuming’, which Castiel has to strongly resist the urge to roll his eyes to.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” he asks, and there’s something in his voice Castiel can’t tell. It’s like he’s aware of something Castiel has no idea of. Carefully, he hums in agreement, slowly turning towards the direction of the check-out to indicate that he needs to leave. Or wants to leave. He doesn’t really care how Marv takes it; he’s never really liked that guy, after all.

“Just a few hours ago at drama,” Castiel counters dryly. Marv makes a weird noise Castiel doesn’t want to place. The boy just walks up to him, holding up his hands to indicate that he comes in peace. Why is he acting so weird?

“Yeah, okay, but, there’s something I need to tell you,” he says, and a simple tug against his arm makes it obvious that Marv wants them to start walking. “You know how you were using the computer earlier today, right? At school?”

Castiel nods, the frown never leaving his face.

“Yeah, well, for some reason you took off in a hurry and your account was still open. I kind of read your -e-mail, but not on purpose, obviously!”

Castiel stills, frozen on the spot, the moment he hears the words out of Marv’s mouth. He suddenly grabs the boy’s arm and pushes him against the shelves.

“You what?” he asks, realizing that his voice is shaking.

“I mean, you probably should have logged out, you know? I just needed to type ‘Gmail’ and got it. At first I didn’t really realize it was yours, but given the fact that you were the last one on the computer and all…”

Castiel just stares, a loud breath escaping through his nose. He realizes his hands are balled into fists. The urge to punch him in the face is just so strong. _So_ strong.

“So, why the fake name?”

“Maybe the point of it was to keep snot-nosed stalkers like you from knowing it was me,” Castiel hisses. Marv snorts.

“Guess that didn’t work out so brilliantly,” he jokes and Castiel feels his entire face heat up in anger. Just to make sure he doesn’t start punching people in the middle of the store, he lets go of him and takes a step back, passing his hand over his face.

“Listen, Castiel. I don’t have a problem with it,” Marv assures him. “It’s not that big of a deal anymore in this time, right?”

“No, you don’t get to say that,” Castiel snaps at him. “People like you don’t think it’s that big of a deal lately, but it is. It always is.”

“Chillax, bro, I mean no harm!”

Castiel shudders at the nickname.

“I suppose you don’t want people to know?”

“Take a guess,” Castiel counters.

“Alright, alright, don’t worry!” Marv says quickly. “I’m not going to show anyone.”

Castiel freezes once again, wondering how this conversation could bring out that reaction that often. He just really dislikes Marv. Once, when they were much younger, he guesses they got along pretty well, but then they grew up, Marv became obnoxious and Castiel became a realist.

“Show anyone?” he asks with a biting tone on his voice. Marv has the nerve to just shrug, as well. “Don’t tell me you took screenshots…”

“Yeah, I did,” Marv admits. “And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, as well!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me? You took fucking screenshots?!”

“Yes, that’s true,” Marv says. “I need you to talk to Jess for me.”

Castiel laughs. So, what? This whole thing is just a way for Castiel to play matchmaker? Get two people together who in no way fit? Besides, Jess has this flirting-thing going on between her and Sam. Well, they’re not a couple, really, but they could be, if they would just grow some balls. Is that a bad expression?

“Don’t tell me you want me to put in a good word for you?” Castiel almost begs.

“Of course I do, have you seen her? She’s like the living embodiment of an angel!”

“No way.”

He’s not doing that, he’s not getting in between his friends and their relationships. But, it’s becoming obvious that all Marv wants is to hang these e-mails over his head and use them as a way to make Castiel do as he wants.

He would never want to betray his friends like that, but… at the same time, he just doesn’t want to lose Wind. Because he _knows_ that the guy will bolt if those screenshots were ever put online. Wind would know who he is, he would pull away, probably never speak to him again, and Castiel would end up never finding out who the guy he’s been mailing with for the past month is.

“You’re blackmailing me,” he states.

“C’mon, no way!” Marv counters with an eye-roll.

“It pretty fucking much looks like it,” Castiel growls. Shit, he’s starting to curse. He normally only does that when he’s getting actually very pissed off.

“I can’t help the way you see it,” Marv says. “The way I see it, is that you know this amazing girl that I _want_ to know, and I need your help in getting her to like me.”

Castiel nods with his lips pressed together, his arms crossed over his chest. “Right, yes, and if I don’t do it, you’ll just put them online, right? What will it be? Facebook? Tumblr?”

If he were to put it on the confessions-blog, the story would be known to the entire school in just a matter of hours. If Castiel were a cartoon character, there would have been steam coming out of his ears and nose. He marches back up to Marv and pushes him against the shelf once again, just wanting to make it all _clear_ to him that he’s not just his puppet to use. But before he can even say anything, another familiar voice cuts in behind them.

“What’s going on here?”

Oh no, please no.

Not…

“Winchester, how nice to see you!” Marv says, awkwardly holding his hands up as if he’s surrendering. Castiel takes a quick look behind him, blinking twice before letting go of Marv. He takes three steps away from him, just to get a good distance.

“Were you going to rough him up? ‘Cause I could help you out with your technique if you want,” Dean says, a joking tone in his voice. Castiel shudders, taking in the slightly greasy appearance Dean is still sporting. He was probably on his way back home from the garage. That must mean that it’s almost eight. Shit, he’s been held up for long, the store’s probably about to close.

“Ha-Ha, very funny, Dean. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get home to feed my cat,” Marv says, straightening his jacket. “I hope you’ll think about it, Castiel.”

After that, Marv walks off. Castiel is still steaming angrily from where he stands, resisting the urge to throw something at him. He stills when there’s suddenly a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax, pal, he’s gone,” Dean says. Then, suddenly, an orange package is handed to him. “Since this was lying on the ground, I assume you dropped it?”

Castiel looks down at the package, realizing that, indeed, he must have dropped it during the entire conversation. His cheeks redden a bit but he manages a weak smile.

“Thank you,” he says, taking it from him.

“Reese’s are the best, right?”

Castiel frowns down at the package. “Of course,” he lies, because he can just remember that entire speech he got from Wind when he announced that he’d never had them before. Besides, Dean could just tell around people, and that would make it even easier for Wind to find him.

But… Castiel realizes that he wouldn’t really mind if Wind knew. The only problem is keeping him after he finds out. Wind cares a whole lot about his identity staying hidden, and takes comfort in the fact that he has no idea who Castiel even is. He lets out a sigh and looks back up at Dean, ignoring that fluttering in his stomach.

Yeah, it’s been getting better with that, but it’s not over. Not yet.

“Thank you, Dean. I might have punched his face had you not arrived when you did.”

Dean shrugs. “Eh, no trouble,” he assures him. “You need a ride home or…?”

Castiel shakes his head. “No, I’ve got my bike with me,” he assures him. Dean hums in agreement before looking out the window.

“Right, and you got your nightlight with you, then?”

Castiel sighs. “Shit,” he mutters.

“That’s what I thought,” Dean laughs. “C’mon, you got one of those ugly bikes you can fold together, right? Just put it in the trunk, it’ll fit.”

“Right, thank you, Dean,” Castiel says truthfully. The two head to the checkout, Castiel going first and heading outside to fold his bike while Dean pays for his own stuff. Once he’s ready, Dean’s already waiting by the car with the trunk open. Without effort, Castiel lifts the thing and puts it inside gently – Dean would probably kill him if he scratches something by accident. After that, Castiel takes place at the passenger seat, sitting next to Dean, which doesn’t happen often.

“So, what did that Marv wanted with you anyway?” he asks.

“He was just being a jerk,” Castiel answers shortly. He can’t explain the situation to Dean, to nobody, really.

“Really, being a jerk is enough for you to throw him against the wall?” Dean asks with a raised eyebrow. He turns the wheel, going right at the crossroads.

“He’s really annoying,” Castiel quickly explains. Dean chuckles.

“Can’t disagree with that,” he says.

By the time they’ve arrived home, Castiel heard everything about this one client he once had at the garage. It’s a rather funny story, and Castiel leaves the car with a smile. There’s a quick goodbye, and an assurance from Dean telling him that, if there’s every any trouble with Marv he just has to let him know. Castiel doesn’t intend to take him up on that. He’s perfectly capable of fixing his own shit, after all.

Castiel greets Ellen and Jo, brings his bike into the garage where he folds it back out, and then head to the kitchen to help out with dinner. Looks like it’s lasagna for tonight, which is alright for him.

By the time Bobby arrives, they all sit at the table, Jo talking about her plans for the weekend. Bobby seems distracted, while Ellen nods, clearly into the story. When Castiel feels something in his pocket vibrate, he sneakily pulls the phone out to check who it is.

He can’t help but smile when he sees it’s Wind.

“Why are you smiling like your sweetheart just sent you a message?” Bobby suddenly asks, eyes sticking on him while there’s a small smirk on his face. Castiel looks up from his phone, mouth falling open but no word able to come out. When he tries to find an answer for it, he just can’t.

“Castiel Singer, I already told you that there are no cellphones allowed on the table,” Ellen warns him. Jo rolls her eyes, but Castiel quickly turns off his screen and puts the device back in his pocket.

“Now, c’mon Ellen, I want to know who this girl is. What’s her name?”

Castiel huffs out, embarrassed. He’s sure his face is red, especially because of all the eyes looking at him.

“There’s no girl, alright? Charlie just sent me a funny picture, that’s all,” Castiel quickly lies. Nobody seems convinced.

“Right, and what was the picture about, then?” Jo asks with one raised eyebrow and a teasing tone in her voice.

“Uh, it was about… a cat in space. You know how much I like cats,” Castiel makes up. “Which reminds me, I feel the need to bring up once again-“

“No, Castiel, we’re not getting a cat,” the two adults say simultaneously. They’re already used to the monthly question that comes back around the same period of time. Castiel is glad that he could use that to distract them from the message.

It takes ten more minutes before Castiel is back on his way upstairs. With it being Monday, there’s still the entire week ahead of them. Castiel throws himself on the bed, fishing out his phone and opening the message immediately.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 21 at 8:56 PM

SUBJECT: Foodgasms

_Jimmy, I sure do hope you got yourself those Reese’s, and the only reason you haven’t already told me about it is because you’re still high from that salty chocolate peanut butter taste in your mouth. To hold on my end of the deal, I got myself those cookie-dough Pop Tarts. I haven’t been this impressed by Pop Tarts before, and this might even come close to pie! It’s not AS good, but it’s definitely up there._

_I hope you’re having an alright day. Mine’s well enough, though school’s murder if I’m completely honest. Graduation is getting closer and closer, and I’m still waiting for any word from the universities I’ve sent my application to. It’s like, I’d like to get far away from here, but also not too far since I don’t want to be away from my brother, you get me? And at the same time there’s just so much homework, tests, and it’s like the teachers are pushing us even harder than before. I often just fear I won’t be able to succeed and I’ll have to do my senior year all over again!_

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 21 at 9 PM

SUBJECT: Graduation

  _Wind, I’m sure you’re doing great. There’s no way they’ll fail you on your senior year. You would almost have to skip all the classes and fail every exam for that to happen, no? They can’t be THAT strict, right?_

_As a matter of fact, I’m opening the first cup now. It’s lucky that it’s not hot outside, otherwise they would have melted. It’s not handy, writing this with one hand as I bite down in this piece of candy. But, holy crap, that’s literally the best taste I’ve ever had in my life, I think! I’m closing my eyes, typing this blindly now as I take in the taste of chocolate and peanut butter mixed all together, and I even groaned. I just hope nobody heard me, otherwise they’ll be thinking I’m doing strange things here._

_But, even though I’m having one of these, what you call, ‘foodgasms’, there’s still something passing through my mind; you say you’re graduating? I didn’t know you were a senior. That must mean you’re turning eighteen in the next year, right?_

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 21 at 11:45 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Graduation

_If you can still think about me graduating, you’re not doing the foodgasm right. Try again, take another cup._

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 22 at 6:58 PM

SUBJECT: I did take another cup

_Wind,_

_I shouldn’t have pointed it out the way I did. I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want any details between us, and the thing about you being a senior probably just slipped in your worry. Let’s just forget about it, alright?_

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 22 at 11:03 PM

SUBJECT: Take more

_Thank you, Jimmy. You’re the best. I just wish that I wasn’t such a fucking coward so I could just tell you a time and date for us to meet. Because I want to meet. So much. And there’s even a possibility that I might kiss you. Just saying._

_This is weird, right? We haven’t known each other for that long, after all. But we talk all day, I tell you things I’ve never told anybody else before, not even my little brother who I tell everything to. And yet here I am, spilling my guts to a guy online I’ve never met before. Oh, how I hope now you’re not just a creepy old bastard trying to get some young boys for action._

_Shit, now I’m actually scared. Tell me you’re not? Prove to me that you’re not?_

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 23 at 6:36 PM

SUBJECT: How??

_Wind,_

_How am I supposed to do that? It’s not like I can send you a picture of myself, right? I mean, I could, but then you would know who I am, while I don’t know who you are, and I don’t think that’s even remotely fair, right?_

_Don’t worry, though, I’m not some creepy old bastard enjoying the company of teenage boys. That’s just gross. Besides, if I were an old man, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that Mrs. Barnes slapped Mr. Ezekiel’s ass at school just because she thought it was ‘tight’._

_And, not to just be a copy-cat or something… but there’s a chance I might kiss you, too._

_Just saying._

_\- Jimmy_

 

Castiel feels his cheeks being warm as he hits send. He would never have thought that Wind would have been feeling the same way as he has. And it’s weird, really, because it’s true that Dean is still kind of on his mind, but… that’s just a crush that has never been reciprocated. This… this is something else. This is getting to know a person. Slowly falling for this person and knowing that the way he’s feeling is mutual. It’s almost driving him insane not to know for one moment longer who Wind is.

But he doesn’t even try to find out. Because that’s what Wind asked him, and he promised he wouldn’t. Not until Wind is ready to tell him.

A sigh escapes his lips as he gets himself out of bed to take a shower there’s another long day waiting ahead of him. There’s a math-test in the afternoon, and he’s not really prepared for it. Not as much as he wants to be, at least. But that’s probably because he’s spent the entire evening daydreaming about Wind and who he would be. If he’s a senior, that eliminates a whole lot of the other boys at school.

But he won’t look. A promise is a promise after all.

The usual happens when he gets to school. He’s surrounded by Sam and Jo. Jess isn’t with them today, the girl hanging out with some of the people from the theater group. Charlie, on the other hand, _is_ there, as is made apparent when she start running into their direction with her arms raised.

“I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” she shouts at them happily, and everybody’s first reaction is to congratulate her. It’s actually a bit weird that it took them so long to become an official item, but Castiel’s genuinely happy for her. He pulls her into a hug, and when he looks over her shoulder he finds Dean’s group of friends, where he can see Inias look straight at him.

Castiel freezes. He’s been noticing the boy staring at him occasionally, and it’s almost making him worry, to be fair. Could he have done something to deserve being stared at like that? He remembers the way the guy had been so happy when he announced he would be going to that Halloween-party.

He shakes his head, getting the thought out of his head. He shouldn’t think about boys right now. He’s already got an amazing one. One he hasn’t yet seen, granted, but amazing nonetheless.

Castiel drags his eyes away from Inias to return to his own group of friends. They’ve planned on meeting up after school today to hang out a bit at Wendy’s and get a good burger. This time without Dean, since he has to work at Bobby’s garage after school. Castiel doesn’t really mind that much.

During drama, it turns out Charlie catches him being distracted. It’s not that much hidden, either, since he’s just resting his head on his hand, his fingers tapping on his legs as if he’s playing a song on the piano.

“Are you alright, C?” she asks him with worry clear in her voice. Castiel startles but then nods.

“Yes, I- I’m fine,” he assures her with a genuine smile. When she doesn’t seem to believe him right away, he takes her hand and squeezes her fingers. “I promise.”

Charlie looks down at their joined hands, taking it in for a moment before smiling and nodding.

“Alright, then,” she says happily. She reaches towards his head, passing her fingers through his hair with a laugh. Castiel laughs as well, feeling actually happy for once. “But you know you can tell me anything, right?”

Castiel nods, wrapping an arm over her shoulder and leaning his head against hers. Together, they watch how Marv is monologuing, speaking up his script from the top of his head without any seeming issue. While the guy is not the best actor in the world, it’s clear that he’s good at remembering his lines. He’s awkward, cringy and clumsy while on the stage, but it seems like the words are just eternally stored into his brain. That’s when he notices Jessica look at him with obvious amusement in her eyes.

Now, he knows Jessica is smart enough not to fall for somebody like Marv. She’s the kind of person who would like to give everybody a chance to be friendly to, even the annoying Marv Metatron. But, so far, it doesn’t seem like the two ever really had the occasion to hang out, mostly because Marv keeps on being awkward and Jessica has this whole group of friends she likes to hang out with.

And Jessica, well… Castiel has seen her in class. Sam always talks about how an amazing actress she’ll become, but if he’s entirely fair her acting is not really that good. Or, well, the acting’s fine. It’s more the lines that she can’t seem to remember. He remembers Ruby once muttering next to him that at least ‘little miss Perfect isn’t that perfect at all’. Castiel understands she was just jealous, of course.

Watching Marv get out his words in that annoying nasally voice, Castiel thinks back of Wind. Of the way he just told him in the last e-mail that he would actually kiss him is he would ever see him. Even the thought of it makes him shiver, warming him from the inside.

How he wishes he could kiss him, hold him, tell him he cares. It’s been a while since Castiel imagined Dean’s face on the other side of the conversation. Now, it’s just blank. A shadow, writing things down, no facial features. And when he imagines Wind putting his hand on Castiel’s cheek, he just closes his eyes, pretends that he’s actually there.

Wind has been one of the biggest reasons why he’s actually feeling happy for once. They care about each other, they might even one day love each other. And who knows, maybe one day they’ll live under one roof, imagining life together for the rest of their days. Castiel would be down to the idea. He sighs, realizing it’s still a far way to go.

_The way I see it, is that you know this amazing girl that I want to know, and I need your help in getting her to like me._

Marv’s words get back into his head, and somehow he realizes he’s found a loophole in Marv’s sentence. Another short glance at Jessica, and he figures it could maybe work, somehow?

So after class, he waits for everybody to be out of the room before he confronts Marv, knowing that the guy always takes his sweet time to get his stuff together. When the boy turns and finds Castiel standing there, his eyes widen and his mouth falls open.

“Castiel?” he asks. Castiel just takes a deep breath and loosens his fists a little bit.

“I’ll help you,” he says.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story or if you have any remarks, please feel free to leave a small comment. I love every feedback I get :)


	5. Chapter 5

“You what?”

They’re still in the auditorium. The whole set on the stage is still a mess, uncolored cartons with lazy drawings on them that are supposed to indicate the buildings behind them. There’s nobody in the room other than Castiel and Marv, the latter being a person Castiel does not enjoy hanging out with.

“I’ll do it. I’ll help you get Jessica to like you, if you don’t post my e-mails on Tumblr,” Castiel clarifies. He hates every word of it, feeling like this is exactly what Marv wants, though little does Marv know Castiel isn’t going to give him _all_ he wants. Attention from Jess doesn’t mean that her heart isn’t beating faster for Sam.

“You- you’re serious?” Marv asks, actually surprised. “I thought you wouldn’t do it at all.”

Castiel takes a deep breath. “One can’t do much else when blackmailed,” he says steadily.

“Black- c’mon Singer, do you really think I would _blackmail_ you?”

“Threatening me to post my mails online if I don’t help you out? Sound pretty much like blackmail, yes,” he returns. He shakes his head, wondering why he’s even wasting his time on this conversation. He turns towards the door, needing to be away from this jerk. But, before he does that, he turns back around. “After school, we’re heading out to Wendy’s. Wouldn’t it be a coincidence if you were there, too at that exact time?”

Marv’s mouth falls open, but before he can respond, Castiel is already out of the room. He feels disgusting all over, as if he’s in dire need of a shower. When he checks his watch, he sees that Mrs. Barnes let them out early, which means he can still catch the last few minutes of training. He heads outside, finding Benny, Victor and Inias in the team currently running around the field to catch a ball. Castiel heads to the bleachers where he finds Jess and Charlie already sitting, joined by a girl Castiel figures is Dorothy. He’s seen her around before, but they never really spoke.

“C!” Jess calls out the moment she sees him. Castiel smiles and runs up to her. Inside, he feels awful at the idea that he’s kind of going to use her to make sure that the probable love of his life won’t run off because of an idiot finding out about this thing they have. Shit.

“Hey, guys,” Castiel says with a quick greeting. He sits down with them, noticing Hannah and her friends a little further away. When he catches her looking at him, her face once again turns bright red and she turns away.

“I wonder when Hannah will ever find the strength to talk to you,” Jess jokes. Castiel clears his throat.

“I hope never,” he admits.

“Oh, come on! She’s cute, you’re cute! It’s a perfect match!” Jess calls out, slapping his arm upon his reaction. Castiel starts laughing and pokes her in her side.

“No but seriously, guys, I heard that Hannah has a serious identity-crisis,” Charlie says in a whisper. Castiel frowns at her before turning to look at Hannah again, finding that the girl has cut her hair short since the last time he saw her. She’s wearing some sort of grey suit, but that’s just something she always seems to be wearing

“What do you mean?” Jess asks. Everybody leans forward as Charlie whispers on.

“She admitted to Muriel a little while back that she actually wants to be a boy,” she says. “In fact, she’s already wearing a binder most of the day. Haven’t you guys noticed a serious lack of boobs at her? Oh, crap, I shouldn’t say ‘she’ anymore, right?

“She- uh, _he_ wants to be a boy?!” Jess asks in surprise. Charlie nods.

“Now, you didn’t hear it from me, but if sh- he goes through with the actual transition, I’ll be rooting for him to choose the name ‘Han’, because that’s probably just the best Star Wars character!”

“No way, nobody’s better than Leia!” Dorothy counters. Castiel rolls his eyes.

“I’ll be your Leia next time, alright?” Charlie tries, making everybody roll their eyes. Dorothy does the same thing before leaning forward and kiss her on the mouth.

“No way,” she then says against her girlfriend’s mouth. “If anybody’s Leia, it’s me.”

Castiel tunes out of the conversation for a bit, looking at Hannah with a whole different view. He never really thought about the fact that she- uh, _he_ had all these ‘troubles’ in his head before finally admitting it to somebody. Castiel feels glad that he finally figured it out, though. He would go down there and congratulate him, but… that would just be weird. Instead, he leans back, noticing another figure coming up at them. Or, two of them.

“Hey everybody!” Sam calls out happily, waving at the others, but eyes meeting Jess’ and his cheeks blushing. Jess laughs in return.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel greets him back when it seems like Jess isn’t going to talk during their staring match. “Hello, Dean,” he adds once he figures that the next shadow could only be Dean’s.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says in a greeting before looking at the others. “Guys.”

The two come and sit down with to them, Dean next to Castiel and Sam on the bench in front of them, with his back pointed at the football field behind him.

“So, you guys heard about-“ Sam starts up a story, but Castiel’s mind wanders off. He’s heard enough gossip today, he figures. Instead his eyes look back up at the field where he can see Dean’s friends crowding together. He figures their training exercise is over as they’re standing still, their hands on their knees while leaning forward and catching their breaths. When they look back in his direction, Benny lets out a loud ‘yeah’ before holding his thumb up. Castiel frowns, wondering what that’s about until suddenly he sees a hand raise up next to him. A quick glance indicate that Dean is flipping them the bird.

“Bunch of assholes,” he mutters, and for some reason his cheeks are a bit red. Castiel isn’t really sure what that’s about, but he doesn’t dare ask. Instead, he turns back to the three boys on the field. He sees Benny and Victor joke against each other, poking them in the side. The only one who isn’t making too much of a fuss is Inias who seems to study him, instead.

Now it’s Castiel’s turn to have his cheeks color red.

He doesn’t know too much about Inias. He’s a senior, in the same class as Dean. But whether he has any siblings, where he lives or what he even does as a hobby is beyond him. He’s been in the guy’s house, but Castiel hasn’t really searched for any family pictures since he was more focused on finding the guy next to him in the crowd of people.

A crazy thought passes through his head, but he shakes it off right away. If Inias were Wind, he still wouldn’t have known Castiel is Jimmy, right? Unless he’s really that easy to figure out. To be fair, Castiel hasn’t been doing much effort in keeping his identity hidden, except for withholding the fact that he’s adopted. He figured long ago that that would just be too large of a revelation.

Castiel sighs, resisting the urge to pull out his phone and just send Wind a message, only to see if Inias would take out his own phone in return. That’s the best way to figure out, no?

But he can’t risk it with his friends next to him, so he decides to just sit this one out. Instead, he tries to focus back on Sam’s story, only to realize they’re already getting back up on their feet.

“C’mon, C, time for class,” Sam tells him with a smile. Castiel clears his throat but gets on his feet as well. He barely pays any attention at Dean, who stands up and gets down immediately to join his friends. Instead, he lets Sam throw an arm over his shoulder and walk with him down the bleachers while telling him about this biology-experiment he did in class.

As they walk away from the field, Castiel’s gaze lands on the four seniors anyway, and there he finds Benny throwing an arm over Dean’s shoulder much the same way Sam is doing with him, while Victor is poking him in the side as well. Inias, though, is still frowning in his direction. Castiel presses his lips together before turning his gaze away. Better to just forget it.

He goes along his day, does his time in the last class before joining Sam to the parking lot where, for a change, they don’t go to Dean’s car but Dorothy’s instead. Upon arriving there, everybody looks at their little group, realizing they’ve got one person too many with them for them to fit in the car.

“I guess Jess’ll just have to sit on Sam’s lap,” Dean says as he passes them by with a playful smirk. Then he throws a quick wink at his brother, who storms up at him to slap him on the arm. As the two Winchesters start their usual bickering, the others start rolling their eyes.

“Well, you know, he _is_ kind of right,” Jo points out playfully after a while. Dean makes an ‘ahah!’ sound before running off to his own car. Sam only glares back at Castiel’s sister. In the end, that’s how they do it anyway; with Charlie and Dorothy sitting at the front and holding hands, Castiel finds himself sitting between Jo and Sam, having a bit of Jessica’s legs resting on his as well. She and Sam seem awkward, trying not to look at each other too much. It’s kind of endearing, but also quite frustrating.

Straight people should just get their shit together. It’s obvious, it’s there. They have no reason to hesitate like this.

But then Castiel remembers Marv, and realizes he shouldn’t want the two to get together that quickly just yet.

Much like Castiel expected, Marv was there when they arrived at Wendy’s. As the group have taken place at a booth, Marv takes the liberty to frag a chair to their table and join them without asking for permission.

“Excuse me?” Jo asks, clearly annoyed by the addition of their group. Charlie and Dorothy give each other a surprised look, and Sam’s expression seems the same when his eyes meet Castiel’s, who just wants to sink into the ground and never resurface.

The only one seeming open to have Marv joining them is Jessica, bless her soul. She’s just too kind for this world, Castiel figures.

“Marv! I thought you would only be practicing your lines in your free time! How else can you memorize them so quickly?” she asks, taking a sip from her coke. Sam, who is sitting on the other side of the table, seems to lose his interest in his food almost immediately.

“Ah, you know, I kind of have a photographic memory,” Marv says smugly, and Jessica laughs as if she thought he’s telling her a joke.

“Actually, I think you mean an eidetic memory,” Dorothy points out. Marv frowns.

“What’s the difference?” he asks. Jessica laughs again. Now, Sam seems to completely deflate next to Castiel.

He tries to distract him while Jess, Marv and Dorothy end up in a discussion about this ‘eidetic memory’ of his by bringing up some childhood memories, but eventually he resorts himself to eating his burger with just a giant feeling of guilt going over him.

They leave Wendy’s after only an hour, normally hanging out even longer than that. The mood is horrible, and Castiel wishes he wouldn’t have done this to Sam. But his intentions aren’t to get Jessica and Marv together, since it’s more than obvious that the girl wants the younger Winchester. Jessica is one of those persons that seems extremely extrovert, only to become extremely shy around the people she likes a lot.

But he can’t tell Sam that. Not yet, at least. Just until he’s sure Marv isn’t going to keep those e-mails over his head.

Dorothy drops them off at their house, or at least as close as they can be while it’s still on her route. While she passed Sam’s and Castiel’s house without trouble, Jessica’s street isn’t at all near her house.

“That’s alright, I can just walk!” Jessica assures her.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t want you to walk alone when it’s already dark,” Dorothy says with worry clear in her voice.

“I’ll just walk with her,” Castiel says then. He’s glad that Sam isn’t in the car anymore, or the boy would have offered to do it himself. Jessica gives him a grateful look. Jo only raises an eyebrow but shakes her head.

“You can walk, but I’m in serious need of a shower so no thanks,” she says. Everybody in the car laughs. After he assures Dorothy that it’s fine to walk, they say their goodbyes and Castiel and Jess both watch Dorothy, Charlie and Jo drive off. Jessica immediately hooks her arm into Castiel’s, leaning towards him as she takes a hold of his hands.

“Was it just me, or did Sam seem a bit sad?” Jessica asks with worry obvious in her voice.

“It wasn’t just you,” he says truthfully.

“I hope it hasn’t got anything to do with his father. He’s been getting sicker lately, and my parents told me that they’re not sure he’s going to have much longer unless he can get a new liver.”

That’s news for him; Sam never told him this disease his father has is that serious. He was aware that John Winchester was sick, but to know that he might actually be dying… No wonder that Dean is working his ass off to get some money.

“Hey, thanks for walking with me. To be fair, I didn’t really want to go alone,” Jess admits as she smiles up at him. She’s only a slightly bit shorter than he is, making her quite tall actually. She’s even taller than Sam, though _he_ still has some growing to do. Nothing against Sam, but he still has a bit of a chubby face that makes him look extremely young.

But he supposes that’s normal; they’re only fifteen, after all.

“It’s no problem at all,” Castiel assures her. He keeps on walking, thinking back of Wind. He must have it a bit better, he thinks. A few of his friends already know about his secret. Castiel feels a bit jealous at that. How would it feel, to have a friend know about his biggest secret?

“Marv joining us, though…” Jessica starts, shaking her head with a smile still on her face.

“He’s weird,” Castiel mutters out. He could slap himself for that. He’s supposed to make Jessica like him!

“Cute kind of weird,” Jessica points out with a chuckle. Then she leans her head on his shoulder. “Not really my type, though.”

“Neither is he mine,” Castiel adds jokingly, realizing that this is how it would be like. Only, he would say this kind of thing, and Jessica would know that he means it the way he does.

Jessica laughs at his comment, though. Castiel just sighs.

“Can I tell you something?” he suddenly says before he can think better of it. He’s feeling a whole lot braver than he’s ever felt. It’s weird.

“Of course, C, you can tell me anything,” she says in assurance. They stop in their tracks, and Castiel takes a shaky breath. His teeth are buried in his lower lip as he tries to think how he’s going to say this. Jessica stays quiet as he tries to speak, though her eyebrows go together as an indication that she’s starting to worry about what he’s going to tell her.

“I’ve never told anybody this…” Castiel starts, loosening himself from Jessica’s hold to take a step forward. With his hands in his hair, he takes another final breath.

Then he turns around.

“I’m gay.”

And this is it. This is the first time Castiel has said, or even _thought_ those words in association with himself.

All Jess does is look at him.

“Okay,” she then says after a while. Castiel frowns.

“Okay?” he asks.

“I’m the first person you’ve told?” she asks instead of clarifying what she meant. Castiel nods, realizing his fingers are shaking. He wants to hide his hands away into his coat, but Jessica takes them before he can do that.

Her blue eyes are looking up at him, and she takes a step closer.

“C, I’m really honored you’ve decided to tell me,” she then says, throwing her arms around his neck. Castiel’s breath catches, his hands balling into fists to stop them from shaking.

“Are you surprised about it?” he asks, and Jessica pulls back, keeping her hands on his shoulders. Her eyes look sympathetic.

“Not really,” she admits. Castiel frowns.

“So, you knew?”

“No, I didn’t know,” she says. “I’m just not surprised.”

Her smile is so contagious, Castiel finds himself doing the same before looking down with a relieved chuckle.

“So you’re still keeping this under wraps?” she then asks, letting go of his shoulders before grabbing his hand and starting the walk again. Castiel follows her immediately.

“I’m not sure, yet,” he tells her. “It’s not that I’m afraid of telling, it’s just… before today, I couldn’t even associate the word ‘gay’ with myself, so this is already kind of a breakthrough.”

Jessica chuckles.

“Well, I love you,” she assures him before kissing his cheek. Then, still laughing, she pulls him along towards her house.

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 24 at 8:43 PM

SUBJECT: I did it

_Wind,_

_You won’t believe me, but I did it; I came out to one of my friends today. It was really weird, like I couldn’t control my own mouth and it just came out. I still feel nervous about it, knowing that she knows I’m gay. Because that’s what I am. Gay. I can finally say it! Gay! Gay gay gay gay, gay gay!_

_She took it well. I got a hug and she seemed extremely happy I told her first, but I woulnd’t have expected anything else from her. She just told me she loves me and walked further home with me. I haven’t felt so wild in such a long time._

_I hope your day is going well, you said in your last mail that you had a difficult test today? I hope it went well? Also, it IS kind of cute that you’re afraid of Ferris Wheels. Me, I love being up high. I hope one day to go on a holiday by plane. And not just to another state. Another country would be great._

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 24 at 11:32 PM

SUBJECT: Proud

_No way, you did it? I’m so proud of you, Jim! I send you a massive virtual hug, because damn aren’t you just my idol right at this moment._

_As a matter of fact, I’ve been thinking about telling my brother at last. I don’t know, I just feel like it’s wrong lying to him about it. Though, I’m not really lying anymore, since I’ve given up trying to convince myself by hooking up with girls. That’s a thing of the past, I’m ready for the new me._

_I’m sure he’ll be okay with it, but it’ll be nerve-wrecking nonetheless. This is my little brother we’re talking about, after all._

_Also, my test went kind of okay, I think. And it’s not cute._

_Shut up_

_(Not really. Don’t stop talking to me, please)_

_\- Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 25 at 7:41 AM

SUBJECT: It’s definitely cute

_Wind,_

_Wow! You can’t believe how excited I am for you! You have to tell me immediately after you did it, I want to know everything he told you!_

_I feel like we’re making such great progress. And I have to admit to you: the biggest reason why I told my friend was because I remembered you already have a few friends knowing, and I just thought ‘how nice would that be?’ so yeah, I just did it, I guess._

_Thank you for inspiring me, Wind. Today, you’re my biggest hero of them all._

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 25 at 10:32 PM

SUBJECT: I did it!

_Jimmy,_

_I can barely contain myself: my brother finally knows! I’m on such a rush, was it the same way for you? I almost feel like I’ll stay awake for the entire night! Knowing your sleep-pattern, you’re already asleep. Don’t be surprised if you see you’ve got five more messages from me when you wake up. I’m just so hyped like holy shit man!_

_He took it as well as I expected, promised not to tell anybody and stayed calm about it. When he asked me if he was the first one, I admitted to him that my friends already knew though I explained the circumstances to him. I would have told him first, but given the fact that I outed myself to my friends by trying to kiss one of them… yeah, there’s no turning back from that. He took that just as well._

_Have I told you that I have the most awesome little brother of them all? He’s like super smart, and always thinks of everything in a rational way, analyzes everything, but never stops to put emotions in stuff. He loves to read, so you two would definitely get along._

_I suppose the most awkward thing that happened was when he told me not to forget to have safe sex. I don’t need my little brother to remind me of that. If anything, I’m the one who should tell him that! Besides, he’s not even old enough to have sex! I mean I know he’s sixteen now, but that’s still not old enough!_

_You said that I inspired you, but tonight you inspired me, Jimmy. Without you, I probably would still be lying to myself by hooking up with random girls, trying to forget about who I am. It’s you who has given me the courage to do this, so I owe you. Big time._

_Thank you so much._

_\- Wind_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 26 at 1:03 AM

SUBJECT: Can’t sleep

_Jimmy_

_I told you I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I’m lying here in bed, and all I can think about is you. How I’d like to kiss you, hold you. I’m normally not that much of a cuddler, but with you I would cuddle in an instant, every moment of the day._

_I don’t really understand, never in my life have I ever felt like this before. I wanna know who you are, I wanna be able to hold you. And I hope that these messages, that talking to you will one day give me the courage to cross that last line. You’re on my mind, and you’ve been so non-stop for the past few days._

_\- Wind_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 26 at 3:22 AM

SUBJECT: Still can’t sleep

_I’m thinking about telling my old man as well. Do you think that’s a good idea? He’s always been the gruff kind, and I’m not really sure if he’ll accept it or just beat the crap out of me. Ever since my mother died he hasn’t been the easiest to live with. More often than not, he had been drinking. I knew him drunk more often than I knew him sober._

_But, he’s still my dad, you get me? How could I not love him? He has his own shit to deal with, I can’t be angry at him for dealing with it the wrong way when for such a long time he was alone to do so._

_Yeah, I’ll tell him. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. But I’ll tell him before Christmas._

_I have to._

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Nov 26 at 4:13 AM

SUBJECT: No sleep for me

_Have I ever told you you write so beautifully? It’s like every sentence you put down is as if you’re writing a novel. I mean, I wouldn’t even be able to make out a typo, so to me everything looks nice, but there’s just this thing in the way you write. It’s almost poetic. And is it weird that I find myself so attracted to it, despite hating poetry? Maybe I would just only love your poetry._

_If you would ever want to, you should write a poem. I’d read it in a heartbeat._

_\- Wind_

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The coming out scene is heavily based on the one from the book!


	6. Chapter 6

“So, when’s the next time you guys are hanging out?”

Castiel groans loudly as he hears the voice behind him. Marv is whispering, as is normal in a library. Other students are studying or watching movies from behind their laptops. Castiel, though, is just putting up his next e-mail to Wind.

It’s December now, Christmas slowly getting nearer. Yet it’s still not cold enough outside for it to rain. In these past few days, he’s been talking to Wind about his plan to come out to his father. Castiel admires him for it, wondering when he’ll be ready to tell Bobby. Or Ellen. Or Jo. He knows they won’t be angry, but they’re also extremely difficult to read and awkward when it comes to personal stuff.

He loves them all a lot, but it’s still a true fact.

“Marv,” Castiel mutters out, minimizing the screen to keep Marv from reading his message to Wind.

“Castiel, you look gloomy today.”

Castiel just glares at him.

“So, did Jessica say anything about me?” Marv suddenly asks. Castiel rolls his eyes.

“Not really,” he says. When he looks back at him, he realizes he won’t get rid of him that easily. “Seriously, we’re not planning on hanging out any time soon.”

“C’mon Castiel, you’re breaking my balls here!” Marv counters, a sly smirk on his face. Castiel wishes he could just jump into the computer and reappear through Wind’s screen. At least there he’ll be free from this annoying guy.

When he catches Jessica entering the library, he motions for her to come closer. With a frown she listens, walking up to him with her hand holding her bag. Her blonde hair is loose, and for once she’s not wearing make-up. She looks tired, in fact.

Castiel knows she’s been worrying about the play; she can’t seem to memorize her lines, forgetting her cues all the time… She’s really stressed about this performance, even though they still have quite some time to get it right.

“C, what’s up?” she asks, eyes wandering to Marv for a short second before turning back to Castiel.

“Uhm,” he starts, clearing his throat and blinking twice as he thinks about how he’s going to put this. “Marv here offered to help me out with my lines for the play, and I know you’ve been worrying about getting them right. Maybe you should join us?” he asks.

Jessica’s face lightens up, and a smile creeps up on her face immediately.

“You’re serious? You would help me out? That’s amazing, Marv!” she calls out, suddenly running up to the guy and actually hugging him. Marv’s eyes widen, Castiel just frowns. The hug doesn’t last long, and right after that, Jessica turns to hug Castiel as well. With him, she lets her arm hang over his shoulder.

Knowing that he’s gay has changed absolutely nothing about her behavior towards him, other than the fact that she likes to point out ‘hot dudes’ towards him. Whenever she sees someone aesthetically pleasing, she makes it a point to let Castiel know. She seems intent on finding him a boyfriend, and Castiel isn’t sure how he can explain that he might already kind of have one. One he never met, obviously. Can he call Wind his boyfriend?

“When can we meet up for it?” Jess asks, smile still wide on her face.

“How about tonight? At that new waffle-place that opened up last week?” Marv suggests, ever so smooth. Castiel is actually rather surprised how he’s not talking so nervously to her as Sam keeps on doing.

“Yes, that works for me! C?”

Castiel nods as well, glaring at Marv anyway. He just wishes he could forget about the guy, forget about the fear he has at the idea that he has something that might be able to drive Wind away. The idea of losing him is unbearable.

“Alright, that’s settled! Meet up at the parking lot, we’ll take my car,” Marv says with a grin before walking out of the library. Jessica watches him go, while Castiel looks at the computer with a bitter feeling inside of him.

“It’s so nice of him to help us out, right?” Jessica then asks, suddenly taking place on the seat next to him. From where she’s sitting, she can’t see his screen. Yet, he doesn’t want to risk her reading along anyway, so he keeps the window with the mail down and opens up Facebook instead. Like always, there are no notifications for him.

“Yeah, who knew he was such a swell guy?” Castiel asks bitterly. Jessica frowns, leaning forward until her hand is touching his.

“Are you alright?” she asks. Castiel looks at where their skin meets and he realizes he’s making a scene. That’s not good if he wants to keep things low profile.

“Of course, I’m alright,” he says. Jessica keeps on staring at him with a worried expression, but eventually her attention gets taken away when Hannah suddenly enters and approaches her.

“Hey Jess, you ready?” they ask, and Jessica smiles.

“Of course,” she says before turning back towards Castiel. “Hans and I are going to work on a group project. You’ll be alright?” she asks. Castiel looks at Hannah, figuring he must have chosen a name then. It’s good to see Jessica’s so open-minded about it, but then again he wouldn’t have expected anything else from her.

“Alright. Bye Jess, bye Hans,” he says with a short wave. Hans’ cheeks color red after that, but he wordlessly follows Jess to a table further away. Castiel is happy he seems to be figuring things out for himself.

Castiel pulls up his mail again when he suddenly sees Inias enter the library as well. He’s got his backpack over his shoulder, his face looking tired with red cheeks. He must have come from outside. Just because it’s not snowing doesn’t mean that it isn’t cold.

He doesn’t seem to notice Castiel, which works in his favor. Castiel quickly opens up his mail and finishes it up, glad that he was almost finished with it when he was interrupted by Marv.

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 04 at 1:36 PM

SUBJECT: I’m curious

_Wind,_

_I’m happy to announce that I’ve finally reached season nineteen. It’s a miracle that I got to that point in such a short amount of time, but I guess there are less and less episodes per season, and each episode isn’t that long, either. I’m looking forward for the ‘Tweek x Craig’ episode you told me about. It’s rather funny, since there was a ‘Tweek vs. Craig’ episode as well in season three where the two were fighting each other. As a matter of fact, I actually expected Tweek not to return in the show after he was kicked out of the group. He rarely appeared anymore._

_I even did my amount of research on it, and I figured out that Tweek mostly returned because he had such a large fanbase. Or… well, ‘Creek’ does, since that’s their portmanteau. I’m glad the show’s creators care so much about their fanbase._

_Lately, I’ve been wondering something if I’m honest. What is your point of view on sports? Me, personally, I don’t care too much about it. I’m not really the athletic type other than going for a run once or twice per week. I rather read books, but if sport’s what you like I wouldn’t mind learning more about it._

_Anyway, talk to you soon._

_\- Jimmy_

 

Castiel waits, keeping his eyes on Inias. Or rather, Inias’ pants. He’s aware that the guy’s phone is resting in his pocket. Patiently, he waits for him to answer, though at the same time he shouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. Wind often only answers during the end of the day.

He doesn’t really know what he’s feeling when he sees Inias startle a bit, looking down at his legs and suddenly pulling out his phone. He feels warm all in his face when, after a few seconds, Inias starts to smile.

Shit, this can’t be, right? It’s still a possible coincidence, no?

But Inias doesn’t seem to type down a response to whatever he just read. He puts his phone back in his pocket and leans back in his seat before letting out a sigh. Afterwards, he takes his book and starts reading. And as Castiel waits, no answer seems to come from Wind, either.

Shit, this still doesn’t mean anything. He needs more proof.

He’s only aware he’s been staring at Inias for so long until his phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. Taking a quick look, he sees it’s a message from Jess.

_You seem EXTREMELY interested in Inias? ;-)_

Castiel drops his phone on the table, turning towards where Jessica is seated with Hans. She winks at him, nodding towards Inias before wiggling her eyebrows. Castiel feels his eyes widen, and he quickly shakes his head. When he turns back around, he realizes he’s being watched.

By Inias.

If his cheeks weren’t already red, Castiel figures they are now. In the past few weeks, the staring Inias does hasn’t really changed. It’s rather worrying, since he often worries as to what he did wrong to be on the receiving end of that.

Inias stays in his place, giving Castiel a short smile before picking up his phone again. There’s no vibration coming from Castiel’s cell. That’s a relief. Or not. Castiel can't tell...

Castiel quickly sings out of Gmail and decides to head out. He could use a walk outside for a bit, maybe find Sam, though it’s possible he still has class. He gets up , grabbing his stuff before heading towards the door. He’s all too aware of Jess and Inias following him with their eyes, but he ignores it. He needs to be outside, now!

And as if it just can’t get worse, he has to bump up against somebody before he can get outside.

“Shit!” he calls out in annoyance.

“Whoa, sorry, Cas. I didn’t see you,” Dean suddenly says. And now Castiel’s just ready to disappear. Move to Alaska, far away. Where nobody can find him.

“Dean, sorry, I’m just a bit stressed,” Castiel mutters out. Dean smiles sadly at him before grabbing his shoulders and gently squeezing them.

“Take a deep breath in and out,” he says, and Castiel does as he’s told. “Whatever stresses you out, you’re strong enough to conquer it, alright?”

Castiel looks back up at Dean, staring into his green eyes. There’s still a low ache inside of him, but… Knowing that he has Wind now makes it all so faint.

“Alright,” Castiel says, smiling as well. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean just shrugs, squeezing his shoulders again before letting go.

“Nah, that’s alright. Kick it in the ass, alright?”

Castiel nods and starts walking out of the library, for real this time.

 

Jessica and Castiel arrive at the waffle place at the exact time they agreed to. Castiel’s not too surprised when he sees that Marv is already there, jumping out of his seat when he sees them arrive.

“Hi! I’m glad you found it!” he says, making Castiel shudder at the thought that anybody would think he’s ‘kind’.

“It wasn’t that hard, given that it’s the only waffle-house in the neighborhood,” Jessica points out with a smile. Marv laughs, Castiel doesn’t. He just feels nauseous. He hasn’t checked his phone in the past few hours due to having somebody by his side almost constantly. After leaving the library, he met up with Sam, then there was class, and afterwards there was Charlie, Jo, and eventually Jess again. He’s aware he’s got a new message. Got it a little bit after he left the library. But he hasn’t read it. Not yet.

He just wants to read it.

By the time they’ve placed their order, Castiel suggests they should just get started. Marv agrees, and as he searches for his script, his eyes suddenly go wide. He’s trying to appear shocked, but Castiel knows better.

“Shit, I forgot my script,” he says.

“Didn’t you know it by heart?” Castiel bites out bitterly. Jessica just laughs.

“It’s alright, just read with mine,” she says instead, getting out of her seat and sitting down next to Marv instead. When Marv gives Castiel a smirk, the latter shudders all over his body.

In between learning their script, Marv seems to find the time to continuously ask Jess questions. If she likes the waffles (“Of course I like them, otherwise I wouldn’t have taken a second portion.”), if her hair has always been this light, how tall exactly she is and if her friends aren’t jealous at her for it, and where she’s from (“California,” is what she answered to that, without further explanation).

Castiel thinks that’s how Marv thinks he’s supposed to be flirting. All it does is throw Jess off every time she tries to even utter out a word from her script.

“Listen, Marv, I’m honored that you want to get to know me this much, but could we probably start with the second act?” she suddenly asks, though not at all sounding unfriendly. Marv nods, scooting closer to Jess as he tries to read along. Castiel wonders if he even noticed Jess shuffling a bit further away from him again. There’s obviously no need to be so close to each other!

They try out a coupe of their lines, this part of the play not needing him at all. That’s why he reaches for his phone at last, having nobody sitting next to him after all. He quickly opens up the mail and reads up.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 04 at 1:45 PM

SUBJECT: Cheerleader

_You’re planning on cheering me on?_

_Don’t worry, I chose sports mostly because I HAD to choose a class, and the others didn’t really interest me. The moment I’m out of this school, I ain’t touching a ball again. At least, not a sport’s ball. You know what, forget I ever wrote that. That was awkward as fuck._

_Congratulations on getting to season 19. After you see the episode, you might wonder ‘are they actually together’ and I’ll tell you that, yeah, they ARE together! It’ll be confirmed in later seasons. It was even confirmed in the game! That last game was awesome, by the way. Look it up one day if you have the time. Or… if I’ll ever find the guts to tell you who I am, you should feel free to come and play it at my house._

_Shit, you have no idea how much I hate myself right now. I think that, the first time I’ll see you and know it’s you, I might just storm up to you and grab your face before kissing you. But, those are big words. It’s also possible that I might just freeze on the spot and be awkward. I dunno… I hope you don’t hate me for making you wait all the time?_

_\- Wind_

Castiel smiles despite himself. Just the idea that Wind might be wanting to kiss him is enough to make him look like a lovesick fool. He wonders how long he’s just sitting here, re-reading every e-mail and biting his lip every time he gets to the part where Wind wants to kiss him.

“C?”

Castiel looks up, surprised when he sees the two looking at him.

“We’re at your part now?” Jess offers.

“Oh,” Castiel gets out, sitting up a bit in his seat and dropping his phone down on the table after turning off the screen. He reaches for his script, going through the pages until he gets to the marked ones where he made sure to give his lines some fancy colors to distinguish them from the others.

He finds where they are, and he calls out his text dryly, earning him an exasperated look from Jessica and a grin from Marv.

“C’mon, C, you can do better than that,” Jess calls out.

They’re in for a long evening, he figures.  

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 04 at 11:58 PM

SUBJECT: Don’t be stupid

_I could never hate you, Wind. You’re too important to me for that. You remember Halloween? Where I thought I would be heartbroken to find out the guy I was crushing on turned out to be straight? I mean, he didn’t TURN OUT to be, but it was just another reminder at me for it, but… anyway. I thought I was going to hate the next few days, weeks, only thinking of him. But that’s not true. In a way, I felt… relieved, maybe? It’s like… it was not supposed to work with him, but it is with you? Because, like you said, I would just rather kiss you immediately. I would like to know the color of your eyes, your hair… But, those are minimal things, because the things I really want to know are things you’ve already told me. Your favorite color, your favorite actor, food… All those little things that make you ‘you’._

_I’m sorry for rambling on. I’ll just watch another episode of South Park and leave you be._

_\- Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 05 at 9:44 PM

SUBJECT: Ramble on

_Keep rambling on, please. I love it when you do that._

_Did you know, by the way, that ‘Ramble On’ is one of my favorite songs? It’s by Led Zeppelin._

**_Ramble on_** **** __  
And now's the time, the time is now  
To sing my song  
I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl  
On my way  
I've been this way ten years to the day  
Ramble on  
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams

_I can’t really explain why, I love the melody, I love the lyrics. It’s also my inspiration song to most of the things. Whenever I feel worried about something, or if I get self-conscious and can’t go on, I just put this up._

_Obviously, I’m not intending to find my ‘girl’ or the ‘queen’. I guess it’s obvious what I mean with that part._

_I just hope that, by the time I’ve grown some guts, that one guy would still want to be the ‘king’ of all my dreams._

_Love,_

_Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 06 at 7:02 AM

SUBJECT: I enjoyed that

_Wind,_

_I looked up the song, and I really enjoyed it. I also have it from very good authority that this guy might be open to waiting to become the king of your dreams._

_I do not really have a favorite song, though I enjoy ‘Imagine Dragons’ a lot. If I DO have to choose a favorite song, it’ll probably be Demons or Walking the Wire from them. Those two are songs that are often on repeat in the few moments I’m listening to music that has lyrics in them._

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 06 at 6:26 PM

SUBJECT: Imagine that

_Jimmy_

_You probably won’t believe me, but I had never heard of Imagine Dragons before you told me about them. They have some nice songs, which means a lot coming from me since I don’t really listen to modern music. Except perhaps ‘Shake it off’ by Taylor Swift, but that’s mostly because everybody at school was listening to that at that time._

_I might even look into their tour dates. I hope, by the time they’re in the neighborhood, I could take you along. Like on a date. A real date. Where we could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes and maybe even tell each other we love each other._

_Shit, I’m running my mouth again. Or… my fingers? Is that an expression? Probably not. See me, talking about ‘love’ when we haven’t even met each other for real._

_Anyway, I’ll just hide for a bit._

_Love,_

_Wind_

Daydreaming has never really been something Castiel did a whole lot of in his past. He’s always been extremely focused, his mind on a task and doing that without having his mind wandering off.

Now, though, despite having a difficult biology test in front of him, he finds himself unable to concentrate on it. He studied yesterday, but after reading his mail this morning, it seems like everything has left his brain.

Because Wind just kind of indirectly told him that he loves him. Which is just crazy, no? They’ve never even met, after all! For all Wind knew, Jimmy could be so ugly not even photoshop could make him beautiful.

“You have ten more minutes,” Mr. Knight says. Castiel swallows with dread, realizing that he’s only filled in half of his test. Quickly, he puts himself to it, though the answers he write down are vague and probably not enough to let him pass.

By the time Mr. Knight picks up the tests, he leans back in his chair. His eyes meet Sam’s, whose face seems to tell him ‘that was difficult’. Castiel lets out a loud breath and nods in agreement. They can’t speak up as Mr. Knight decides to go on with the class.

It still feels impossible. Wind loves him? He doesn’t even know who he is! No way, there’s no way! It can’t be!

But, it could. Because, somehow, Castiel finds himself kind of loving the guy in return. And it’s weird. It’s strange, it’s… he can’t describe it, except that he feels even happier than he’s ever been in a long while.

“Shit, C, you’re really distracted lately,” Sam points out. Castiel is barely aware that class was finished, because suddenly all the other students are gone and he and Sam are the only one still in there. Sam is standing next to him, holding on to his backpack and looking down at Castiel. “You sure you’re not getting sick?”

Suddenly, Sam’s hand is on Castiel’s forehead, and the latter pulls back with a frown.

“I’m not sick,” he says, gently pushing Sam’s hand away before getting on his feet as well. He doesn’t bother to pack his stuff neatly, instead throwing it into his bag without further ado. Sam keeps on looking worriedly.

“If you say so,” he says hesitantly. Castiel observes his friend as they walk into the hallway. There are lots of other students around, hurrying to get their stuff and go to their next class. But Castiel only has attention for Sam.

Because, looking at his friend, he realizes he hasn’t really been hanging out with him a lot lately. He’s barely seen Sam in these past few days, barely hung out with him. They should meet up, without the girls. Just them two, like old times.

But right when he’s about to ask about it, Sam beats him to it.

“Hey, man, you want to hang out at my place after school? Just game a little bit? My dad isn’t home and neither is Dean…”

Castiel stays quiet for a bit, wondering why their father wouldn’t be at home. If he’s so sick, he shouldn’t leave the house, right? Or maybe they’ve got him at the hospital?

“Of course, Sam,” Castiel assures him. Sam gives him a hesitant smile.

“Thank you, C.”

But there’s something in Sam’s eyes. He seems worried, sad… like there’s a lot on his mind. Castiel feels like a bad friend for not having noticed this earlier. He tells himself he should ask about it at his place. If they’re alone, there shouldn’t be many problems with it.

He’s seen Sam cry. He’s, in comparison to his brother, a very emotional boy. That doesn’t mean that he tears up at every occasion, but when he’s down or if something’s bother him he’s not one to swallow it down and live with it. He takes it upon himself to talk about his problems, often complaining about how Dean won’t do the same.

Castiel is sure that, if he would ask, Sam would talk to him. Or maybe this invitation to go to his house is just the reason for that. Maybe Sam wants to reach out first.

They pass Jessica, but she barely notices them, instead talking to Hans. They’re laughing about something as Jessica slams her locker door shut and the two walk together to their next class.

He realizes Sam’s melancholy might be related to Jessica. The girl has been hanging out with Marv lately – not in a romantic way, the girl assured him – and they haven’t really done anything fun in the past few days. Castiel understands that this is probably his fault, and, perhaps, he should explain the situation to Sam. Tell him what he sees between him and Jessica, and the two can get together anyway.

But… that would mean he’ll have to give up Wind. His heart can’t really handle that idea.

Because he loves Wind. He actually, seriously does.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story's kind of finished. This one came out of my fingers quicker than I expected! :o


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finished. It's by far not the best thing I wrote, but in between work and the fear that I run out of inspiration I quickly put everything together! I hope the rest of the story ends up being entertaining, still!

The Winchester house was never really one to be considered ‘beautiful’. It’s more one of those places yo buy because you need to have somewhere to live. It has two bedrooms, meaning that the brothers have to share, and only one bathroom. Though, there’s an additional toilet downstairs so there’s at least that.

When Castiel got here the first time, he thought Sam had the most amazing room he’d ever soon. The fact that he got to share it with his older brother seemed so cool at the time. By the time they got older, it became obvious that sometimes teenagers just want privacy.

Castiel rarely snuck into the room with Anna. At the beginning, when they were only just adopted by Bobby, he would do it with tears in his eyes. He had been afraid, because he didn’t know Bobby, and had only known the orphanage before that. But then he would lie down in bed next to his biological sister and listen to her talk about their father.

Charles Shurley, the name of the man that helped bring them into this world, was a skittish man according to her. Anna talked about how Castiel’s mother died after she gave birth to him. How Charles had ended up drinking so much social services arrived and took two away.

She told him about how they cried, and told the people not to take them away. But after that, they never saw Charles again. And by the time that Bobby married Ellen, and Jo joined their little group, the idea of seeing their biological father just… disappeared. Castiel barely even knew him, after all.

Other than them, nobody knows Castiel’s father’s real name. He’s never told anybody, not even Sam, Jo or Charlie. That’s just something for him to know.

Now, looking into Sam and Dean’s bedroom, he wonders how often little Sammy had crawled into Dean’s bed, looking for consolation whenever he felt bad, sad or scared.

The bedroom hasn’t changed much; there are still fluorescent stars hanging on the ceiling. The wallpaper is still blue, with the little ‘S.W.’ and ‘D.W.’ written above their beds. On Dean’s bedpost, there’s still a pentagram carved into the wood with a knife.

The carpet’s still the same, but the TV has been upgraded when they upgraded the one downstairs. The large block has been moved to the garage, or has been sold perhaps, and the one from downstairs has now been put into their bedrooms. It’s good, since this one actually has HDMI and they can connect Sam’s PS4 onto it.

The moment they arrive in the room, the two boys sit down on the cushions on the ground. Sam brought along some snacks and drinks, and he just starts the console without saying anything. Castiel leans towards the box of games and looks through what he has. When he gets to a game that looks interesting enough and can be played with two, Sam gives him a small smirk.

“Lego Avengers?” he asks. “Why am I not surprised.”

Castiel laughs as well. “I love the Avengers,” he says. Sam rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Yeah, I know. When we went to watch Civil War at the theater, you couldn’t stop talking about that one small reference Black Widow made about Bucky having to recognize her,” Sam jokes. Castiel laughs as well.

“That’s because they’re together in the comics, and the actor wants nothing else than having a romance between the two!” he calls out.

“Sure,” Sam says, revealing his white teeth as he smiles. It’s good to see the amusement on his face, but when his eyes suddenly meet Castiel’s, another flash of sadness passes through them.

“Sam, are you alright?” he asks, dropping the controller while the Avenger-theme music starts playing on the menu screen. The younger Winchester sighs and leans against his brother’s bed.

“Yeah, it’s just… There’s so much happening at once and I feel like I can’t keep up,” Sam complains. “You might have noticed that my Dad isn’t home?”

Castiel nods. “Yes. Is he alright?”

Sam sighs. “Not really,” he admits. Castiel turns away from the television and faces Sam, his whole posture indicating that he’s ready to listen to him. “He’s at the hospital. The doctors are keeping an eye on him, but yesterday they asked me to come over.”

“Did they need anything?” Castiel asks with confusion. Sam sighs again.

“Just my liver,” he mutters dryly before rubbing his forehead. “Sorry, that was… I should explain that part.”

“Maybe you should,” Castiel agrees.

“Dad needs a new liver. He’s not a candidate for the transplant list, so his only options are getting a liver from a relative,” Sam explains. Castiel nods, wondering how Dean didn’t just jump in and offered his whole liver to them. “After doing some bloodtests, it turns out Dean isn’t a match. He didn’t take that all too well.”

Ah, so that’s why. Castiel wonders how he must have felt after hearing that? Probably horrible, since his dad has always kind of been his hero, despite all his faults.

“Now, it turns out that I am. But I’m a minor, so I’m not allowed to donate anything. Had Dean been compatible, he would have been able to do it because he turns 18 in January. But they can’t take anything from me, and it sucks not being able to help.”

Castiel takes Sam’s hand and squeezes it. He isn’t really sure what he’s supposed to say to that.

“But that isn’t everything that’s bothering you, is it?” he asks, seeing that there’s still tension in Sam’s shoulder. The teenager sighs and shakes his head.

“Then there’s also this whole thing with Jessica. I’m actually afraid that she might start liking Marv and I hate it so much,” he complains. Castiel’s heart breaks, wishing he could just help Sam out. But he can’t just tell him to go for it. Not yet. He needs to help Marv just a little bit longer.

“And then there’s Dean who just told me-“ suddenly he stops talking, pressing his lips together and shaking his head once more.

“He told you what?” Castiel asks, confused as to why he would just suddenly stop his sentence like that, without further explanation.

“He told me something he knew for years or so, and I’m glad he told me but at the same time I’m also a bit disappointed that it took him this long to confide in me,” Sam complains. When his eyes meet Castiel’s again, they seem wet. “I promised not to tell anybody what he said, though.”

Castiel nods. He can understand that. He just told Jessica his big secret as well, and he appreciates it very much that she hasn’t spoken a word about it to anybody else.

He stays quiet. Instead, he throws his arms around Sam’s shoulders and he hugs him. Sam instantly leans into the touch, clearly in need to be consoled. They stay like that for a few minutes before Sam pulls away again, wiping his cheeks dry and nodding towards the console.

“How about we play a bit?” he then asks with a shaky voice. There’s a smile on his lips that doesn’t reach his eyes. Castiel gives him another look before nodding and taking place on the cushion once more.

“Okay but I get to be Captain America,” he says. Sam rolls his eyes, sniffing his nose once again.

“Yeah, yeah, everybody knows about your gay crush on Captain America,” Sam says while rolling his eyes. Castiel laughs as well, though feeling his cheeks redden. Once the game starts, he doesn’t get to play as Captain America, the opening scene instead being with Black Widow and Hawkeye.

By the time evening falls and the boys have finished their box of pizza, Castiel only realizes how late it is when he hears Dean enter the house and dropping his keys on the table.

“Sammy, I’m home!” he calls out from downstairs, and Sam pauses the game before getting up.

“C’mon, we should probably get you home,” he says. Castiel nods, feeling indeed quite tired. When they get downstairs and arrive into the kitchen, they find Dean at the fridge, leaning forward to grab something from the lower shelf. From what Castiel can hear, it’s a bottle of something. He hopes it isn’t beer.

“You ate? I could warm up some leftovers maybe,” Dean starts before standing up again, indeed holding a bottle of beer in his hands. When he suddenly sees Castiel standing next to Sam, his eyes widen and his hands seem to grip the handle of the fridge a bit harder. “Cas?”

Castiel just nods at him. Dean blinks.

“Dean, can you drive him home? Or can I drive him home?” Sam asks, a bit hopeful about the last suggestion. Dean’s eyes turn to his brother’s before he clears his throat and puts the bottle down on the table.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Dean says. He walks towards where he dropped his keys and picks them back up. Then he nods towards the door. “C’mon, Cas. I’ll get you home.”

Castiel nods again, turning towards Sam and giving him another hug.

“Thank you for hanging out, C,” Sam tells him. Castiel only smiles.

“You’re welcome,” he tells him. “I’m always here to talk.”

Sam studies him for a few seconds before doing the same thing with Dean, who is waiting by the door. When he turns back to Castiel he lets out a breath.

“The same thing goes for you, C. You know that, right?”

It’s a bit of a weird thing to say, but Castiel figures Sam just wants to be friendly. He nods, letting go of Sam before following Dean out of the door. It’s cold outside, so Castiel closes his coat around him and lets out a shudder before he gets himself in the passenger seat of the Impala. Dean is already pressing in some buttons, putting on the heater.

“Can’t have you freezing now, can we?” he asks with a chuckle, and Castiel laughs lightly as well. He feels like there’s some sort of awkwardness hanging in the air, and he can’t really explain why.

“Thank you for driving me, Dean,” Castiel feels like saying. He feels like he never thanks the guy enough for being everybody’s chauffeur without ever asking for anything in return. Dean just gives him a weird look.

“You know I don’t mind,” he says. Castiel bites his lips together and looks straight ahead at the road, waiting for the boy to start driving. Without saying anything else, he moves forward and gets on the road.

The music plays lowly in the background, but Castiel recognizes it instantly. Without saying anything, he puts the volume higher, smiling as he hears the lyrics in his ears.

 _Leaves are falling all around_  
It's time I was on my way  
Thanks to you I'm much obliged  
For such a pleasant stay  
But now it's time for me to go  
The autumn moon lights my way  
For now I smell the rain  
And with it pain  
And it's headed my way

“You like Led Zepp?” Dean suddenly asks. Castiel just closes his eyes and lightly hums along with the medley before shrugging.

“Just this song,” he says, his mind going back to Wind, who adores this song. He smiles when they get to the chorus, thinking back of the time Wind asked him to be his King. These butterflies he feels in his stomach are so strong, it’s almost too much.

And suddenly, he turns to look back at Dean, and he takes in his beautiful profile. That strong nose, those freckles on his cheeks. Those focused green eyes as he keeps them on the road. Those full lips that always form the most beautiful smile.

Some part of him, he thinks, is still hoping. Hoping that, maybe, what he saw at the party is wrong. That maybe, just maybe, Dean is the one he’s been talking with for the past few months. He _has_ a lot in common with Wind, after all.

When he lets his eyes wander down to Dean’s hand that is resting on his leg, his breath hitches. It would be so easy, wouldn’t it? To just reach out and grab it?

 _Ramble on_  
And now's the time, the time is now  
To sing my song  
I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl  
On my way  
I've been this way ten years to the day  
Ramble on  
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams

He can’t do it. Because what if he’s wrong? There can’t be any way that Dean is Wind. It’s not possible. More probably, it’s a boy he’s never spoken to in real life. Castiel shudders in his seat.

“Cas, are you alright?”

And Dean is looking at him. He’s worried, that much is obvious. Everybody’s always worried. But Castiel also catches the dark circles under his eyes, the tiredness he’s showing. Dean is exhausted, always working and never getting some time off. Trying to keep his family together.

Surely, he wouldn’t have time to be e-mailing with some guy he’s never met before.

“Sorry, I’m fine,” he suddenly says, leaning back in his chair with his face once again pointed at the road. He realizes the car isn’t moving, and with one glance sideways he understands they’ve already arrived. “Oh,” he says.

“Listen, Cas, there’s something…” Dean suddenly starts, the hand that had been resting on his leg moving up into his hair. But he stops talking, struggling with his words. And for a moment, Castiel almost hopes.

But then suddenly the door of his house opens. And much to his surprise, the person that comes walking out isn’t anybody he would have expected.

“Dean Winchester, is that you?!”

Castiel and Dean both look up to find Anna walking their way, smile wide on her face as she approaches the car. Castiel sighs. Right, he remembers. Dean and Anna used to date shortly. He had actually forgotten about that.

“Anna,” Dean mutters, unbuckling himself and getting out of the car. When he and Anna are standing in front of each other, the girl pulls him into a strong hug.

“Oh my, God, it’s been so long!” she calls out. Castiel sighs, unbuckling himself as well and getting out of the car. This is just great, right? He doesn’t see or nearly never hears from Anna for months, and when she gets home it’s without any warning, and the first person she meets is her ex-boyfriend that Castiel very much kind of wishes is his actual boyfriend.

And that realization makes him sick, because he’s actually _hoping_ for Dean to be Wind, even though he already knows he isn’t. And that’s not fair to Wind. He thought he was over it, thought it wasn’t bothering him as much anymore, and that, other than just thinking that Dean was kind of hot, there were no more romantic feelings involved.

He needs to forget Dean, needs to banish him out of his mind. Once and for all. Because if he doesn’t, how is he not cheating on Wind?

Without saying anything to the older Winchester, he walks back into the house.

 

As it turns out, Anna arrived during noon and decided to make it a surprise for everybody. Of course, Ellen and Bobby were overjoyed to have her here and helped her keeping it down until the other two teenagers arrived as well. But with Jo having judo and Castiel hanging out at Sam’s it seems like they’ve been waiting for their arrival, instead.

At the table, as they share some dessert, Anna tells them about everything that is happening at college. The cool teachers, the art classes she’s following and the friends she’s made. But when Ellen asks her the question if she’s already met somebody there, Anna shrugs.

“Nah, when it comes to dating there’s not really anybody interesting around there,” she says, obviously trying to wave away the subject. Jo seems to catch something in her manner, but Castiel choses to ignore it.

To be fair, what he wants is for Anna to just go and hang out with Dean instead. Maybe seeing them hanging out will put his mind off the guy and back to the one he actually, really loves.

His phone suddenly vibrates. Castiel shudders, looking down at the device and expecting a message from Wind. Instead it’s a text.

From Marv. Shit.

  * _The group’s going to Homecoming, right?_



Castiel rolls his eyes, having absolutely forgotten about Homecoming. Of course, their school would be the only one to have Homecoming in December, where it’s cold and everybody has to wear jackets, gloves and scarves. Those poor football-players just have to play an entire game with the chance of snow. Yeah, no, their school isn’t the brightest.

  * **_Probably_ **



Castiel responds quickly before hiding his phone away again. Then he looks to find Anna looking at him expectantly.

“So?” she asks. Castiel shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, what?” he asks. Anna just laughs.

“I guess your secret lover’s more interesting than your older sister, right?” she jokes, clearly not meaning it in a mean way. Castiel still frowns, not liking that comment at all.

“I think I’ll have to bring back that cellphone-bowl,” Ellen mutters, putting her hand on her forehead.

Castiel only sighs. He scrapes his chair bac and gets on his feet. “My apologies. If it’s alright, I’ll go back upstairs and take a shower?”

He’s aware that everybody’s eyes are on him. There’s something that looks like worry in Ellen’s expression. Castiel almost fears that, at any point, she’ll come into his room and try to have a conversation with him, which is something they almost never have. Not the emotional kind at least.

Castiel leaves the table without waiting for a response. He almost runs to the bathroom, barely waits for the water to become warm, and closes his eyes and tries to clear his mind.

By the time he gets out of the bathroom, dressed in his sleeping wear and with his phone in his hand – though so far no new message from Wind – he’s not too surprised to suddenly find Ellen waiting for him in his room. She doesn’t seem like she’s been looking through his stuff, more just waiting on the bed and looking around for a bit.

“Ellen?” he asks. The woman doesn’t seem to react other than smiling.

“I remember the first time I got to meet you,” she says fondly. “You were seven back then.”

Castiel remembers as well. He had been excited at the idea of getting a mother. Had been excited that Bobby had found somebody that made him happy after losing his own wife. Karen Singer, Castiel remembers. He never met the woman.

“And as I took you to this room for the first time, you were holding my hand. You were always so quiet, but when you and Jo got to choose your room… you just started shouting that you wanted this one.”

Castiel says nothing. Instead, he sits down next to the woman that helped raise him. His eyes are on his hand, his phone forgotten next to him.

“You were quiet, but it was easy to read in your eyes that you were happy. When you hung out with friends, when you came back from school…” Suddenly Ellen takes his hand into her own. “I know we’ve never really… given you much reason to think that you can tell us everything, but I hope that you still know you can, right?”

Castiel knows what she means, but to be fair, until now he’s never really had a reason to tell her personal things since they’ve never really bothered him before. But now… there’s just so much happening at once. And he wishes he could tell her, talk about everything. But much like his entire family isn’t one that shares every little aspect of their life, Castiel lacks the words to talk about it.

“I know, Ellen,” he tells her. When he meets her eyes, he squeezes her hand. “And when I find the right words, I promise I’ll tell you everything. But… I can’t just yet.”

Ellen still looks sad, but there’s still a little smile on her lips. Castiel never really stopped to think how beautiful this woman in front of him actually is. Sure, her age is starting to show, but despite that, Castiel thinks that any man would be lucky to have a woman like her. When he embraces her, he tries to think back to another time, when he was younger and would hug Ellen regularly.

“I wish whatever this was wouldn’t be bothering you this much,” Ellen admits. She kisses him on the top of his head before returning the hug. And they sit there for a few seconds before Ellen pulls back. She takes another deep breath before getting onto her feet.

“Thank you, Ellen,” Castiel tells her anyway. “You know I love you, right?”

Ellen smiles, eyes a bit wet. When she puts her hand on Castiel’s cheek he leans into her touch.

“And I love you, too, son.”

After getting another kiss on his forehead, Ellen leaves the room and closes the door behind her. Castiel takes a moment to lie down in bed and just stare at the ceiling.

It feels like he’s barely got his life under control anymore. It takes all of his energy not to just start crying on the mattress until he falls asleep. He can’t, because he can still fix things. Or he thinks he can.

Quickly, he grabs his phone and opens up a new message for Wind. He knows he hasn’t yet answered to Wind’s last message, and what he’ll write next won’t really be the best response for it… But he has to.

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 07 at 9:25 PM

SUBJECT: Whirlwind

_Hello, Wind._

_Do you ever have that feeling like you’ve got no control of your life? Like everything’s just happening and there’s nothing you can do about it to fix the mess you’ve created?_

_My mother came to me this evening, trying to get a conversation with me about why I’ve been so distracted lately, and I just felt so guilty that I was worrying her like that without even being able to tell her what’s going on. And there’s a lot going on. Thing I can’t even tell you, much to my regret._

_Is it weird to just want somebody around that can tell me that things will be alright? That I do not have to worry like that all the time? It’s almost as if the stress is going to consume me…_

_Love,_

_Jimmy_.

 

He hits send and closes his eyes for a bit. He thinks he actually got to the point of falling asleep when he’s awakened by his phone vibrating on his chest. His hands are shaking as he eagerly wants to find out what the answer is, only to be disappointed when he sees it’s only a text.

From Marv. Eurgh.

  * _You never told me Jessica already had a date to homecoming dance._



Castiel rolls his eyes.

  * **_Because I didn’t know, maybe?_ **
  * _I don’t like being rejected, Castiel_



_Maybe you should try being less of an ass,_ Castiel thinks mostly to himself.

  * **_In spite of contrary belief, Jessica and I don’t tell each other everything, Marv…_**



Marv doesn’t answer that, much to Castiel’s relief. This time, when he closes his eyes, he only opens them again upon hearing his alarm clock.

 _Shit,_ he thinks to himself when he sees it’s already eight. But then one short look at his calendar indicates that it’s Saturday, meaning that he doesn’t have to be at school today. A relieved sigh escapes his mouth, and he rolls over in his bed to snooze some more.

But he rolls on his phone, and that’s not really comfortable. He fishes it out from underneath him, finding that there is a message waiting for him.

From Wind.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 08 at 2:13 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Whirlwind

_Jimmy,_

_I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. But I suppose that’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Because I can assure you that everything will be alright, and you want to know why?_

_Because I trust you. I trust that you are the smartest person around, the best and the most beautiful out of all the students at our school, and if anybody can fix their own shit, it has to be you, no? And if you’re still not really convinced, then know that you can fix it, because you have somebody who kind of loves you having your back, rooting for everything you do._

_Don’t be discouraged by things going bad now. Take that as inspiration to fix that shit and make everything better._

_Love,_

_Wind._

_Ps: I’m thinking about telling my Dad tonight. Keep your thumbs up for me._

Castiel only realizes he’s crying when he feels something tickling on his cheek. Quickly, he wipes those tears away and sits up again. Shit, just for a little while he had forgotten just how great it feels to get a message from Wind.

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 08 at 8:15 AM

SUBJECT: Your dad

_Wind,_

_I’m glad to read you’re taking the step to tell your dad. I’m really proud of you, and I wish you the best of luck._

_Also, I’m grateful for your aspiring words. Yesterday, I honestly felt as if my life was crumbling down. Now, I feel kind of relieved. I feel like I can handle the day much better, and I wouldn’t have expected to be feeling like this in a long while._

_Thank you for being there for me, for reading my ramblings, for giving me the strength to go on another day._

_Will you be going to Homecoming? I think I might go to the game, but it’s possible I’ll skip the dance. I don’t really want to go with my sister again. That’s kind of pathetic, wouldn’t you say?_

_Love,_

_Jimmy_.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 08 at 2:13 PM

SUBJECT: Homecoming

_Jimmy,_

_I’m going to the game. I’m also going to the dance. A (female) friend of mine asked me to go and I figured it wouldn’t do much harm. I haven’t seen her in a while, so there’ll be some catching up. Maybe I’ll even find out if she’s got a secret boy- or girlfriend. She’s always so mysterious about those things._

_I wish you would go to the dance as well. Just the idea of being somewhere where you are as well makes things 1000x more bearable. But it’s your choice, I would understand if you didn’t want to go with your sister, again. Btw, that only just a little bit pathetic. It’s also kind of endearing._

_I’d like to think that, by next year, you would take me to the homecoming dance, as your actual date. But that would insinuate that I actually grew some balls and dared to meet you. Let’s just hope it’ll come to that eventually, shall we?_

_Love,_

_Wind._

 


	8. Chapter 8

There’s always a lot of people at Homecoming. Probably the entire school, along with all its former students and alumni. It’s, as Castiel suspected, the reason why Anna came back home as she’s constantly insisting on going. Castiel figures that the best part about that is that she’ll be driving them there. At least that way he won’t have to drive with the Winchesters again.

The days after his visit at Sam’s have been weird, in a mix with the remains of the despair he felt at losing control of the situation, as well as the feeling of walking on clouds with the kindest messages Wind keeps on sending him. He supposes his thing with Dean will always have its ups and downs, and right now there’s a strong down of it, and Castiel is enjoying every bit of it!

It helps not actually having to converse with him, in fact.

By the time they arrive at the school, Anna disappears to where she probably decided to meet up with Dean. Castiel doesn’t mind. He follows Jo to the others. There, he’s happy to see Sam standing there next to Jess. He looks a lot less worried than before.

“Hey, guys!” Sam calls out once he sees them, waving excitedly. Castiel is glad that, somehow, Jessica found the nerve to ask Sam for the dance. He knows that Sam would never have had the guts to do so. But still, they’re not holding hands, keeping a good distance between them. Castiel can almost roll his eyes, but at the same time he’s relieved. He doesn’t know how he can explain to Marv how Sam and Jessica started a relationship without having the guy dangling around his e-mails.

“So you two found yourself some dates for the dance?” Jess asks excitedly, and Jo and Castiel turn to look at each other.

“Uh, not really,” Castiel admits. It’ll just be another dance with the company of his sister. Who isn’t really his sister, but as Bobby always says; Family doesn’t end with blood.

“Oh, that reminds me, Inias said he wanted to talk to you, C,” Sam suddenly says, pointing to somewhere behind him.

Castiel looks up. To be fair, he’s caught Inias staring some more in the past few days and for a while now Castiel was just hoping that the guy would just talk to him instead. It seems like he finally grew some pair now, no?

Jessica is giving him a smug look, and luckily nobody else sees it.

“Right, where is he?” Castiel quickly asks.

“On the field, but they haven’t yet started. He’s probably with Benny and Victor. Maybe with Dean and Anna as well,” Sam explains with a shrug. Yeah, it seems like Anna has been welcomed with open arms by Dean’s friends.

Castiel just nods and lets out a breath before moving forward. He’s aware of Jessica giving him a knowing look – she’s been pointing out Inias’ staring as well, and often told Castiel to just do something about it. Of course, she’s not aware of Wind, and of how he doesn’t even _dare_ to approach other guys without feeling like he’s cheating on him in a way.

Castiel passes the bleachers, surprised by how little space there is left. He hopes the guys will quickly claim some places up there before they all have to sit separately. Castiel would hate that.

He finds Inias easily enough. Just like Sam suspected, he’s with his friends, clearly deep in conversation with the others. It seems like he’s telling a story, which Anna, Victor and Benny seem to find extremely funny while Dean just hides his face away behind his hand. Castiel builds up some courage and decides to just go for it.

“Inias?” he asks, and the group silences as Inias stops talking. His blue eyes are wide when he suddenly catches Castiel standing there.

“Castiel, hi,” he says suddenly. “’Scuse me for a moment.”

Inias leaves the group and moves towards Castiel. When Benny and Victor start making some ‘whoop’ noises, Inias quickly flips them the bird.

“Can we just… find somewhere more quiet?” he asks. Castiel feels his cheeks redden and he nods. He has no idea what he’s about to get, no idea what he can expect. It can’t be, right? Can’t be that Inias has been Wind all along?

It wouldn’t be a disappointment, though. Inias is a friendly guy, and if he’s honest kind of easy on the eyes. Castiel figures he could have worse possibilities for potential boyfriends.

Inias guides them behind the bleachers, finding a spot secluded enough to have a conversation. Castiel can’t help but feel like his heart is about to explode. Because this is it, right? This is the moment he’s been waiting for? Sure, he’s got no idea how Inias figured out he’s Jimmy, but he doesn’t care. Not yet. He’ll find out eventually. He’s sure Inias will just tell him and-

“Listen, I know it’s kind of a weird question, but I guess it’s just the way I was raised,” Inias starts, and Castiel nods, unknowingly taking a step closer. He’s barely aware he’s biting his lower lip until he feels it sting underneath his teeth.

“Yes?” Castiel asks when Inias starts hesitating.

“Okay, here goes,” Inias mutters out, slapping his hands and rubbing them together as if to build some courage to speak. “Would you mind a lot if I would ask your sister for the dance?”

Castiel blinks in confusion, his mouth falling open while the words process in his mind. Then, before thinking about it, he answers.

“But Anna already has a date?” he says, remembering her telling him she’s going with Dean. Which is good. She should maybe just start going out with him again. The more he’s related with heterosexuality, the more Castiel can just try and avoid him.

But Inias shakes his head.

“No, not Anna,” he says. “I mean Jo? I mean, you two are kind of close and I just felt like I kind of had to ask for your permission to ask her out, you know?”

Castiel doesn’t want to admit that his heart is shattering a little bit. He had been hoping again. He shouldn’t do that. Not anymore. Not after being disappointed two times already.

“Uhm, you really don’t have to ask my permission,” Castiel then says in his best attempt not to let his voice break. “She makes her own choices, after all.”

He forces up a smile, and Inias smiles as well, sounding relieved.

“Alright, yes you’re right. I should go ask her right away!” he says. Then he puts a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and squeezes it shortly. “Thank you, C! You’re a cool guy!”

Castiel watches him return to the group Castiel had only just left to have this conversation. He can’t explain it, but somehow he feels a slightly bit relieved as well. He doesn’t know if he was ready to face him. He probably wasn’t.

Castiel sighs. He had probably been so focused by Inias’ stares (the ones where the guy was probably contemplating whether or not he should be asking Castiel) that he hadn’t noticed him staring at Jo as well.

“You look sad, Clarence,” suddenly comes from a bit further away. Castiel turns around, knowing who he’ll see. Only one person calls him that, after all.

“Meg,” he says in a greeting. The girl who is sitting there on the ground with a cigarette between her fingers smirks at him before gesturing for him to come closer.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but did that guy just take away your date for homecoming?” Meg asks with a grin. Castiel rolls his eyes.

“Jo wasn’t my date, that would be weird,” Castiel corrects her, slightly disturbed by calling Jo his ‘date’.

“Taking your sister to prom is also kind of weird,” Meg points out. Castiel just shrugs. Meg pushes herself onto her feet, dropping her cigarette on the ground before moving towards Castiel.

“It’s been a while since we’ve talked, hasn’t it?” Castiel asks once they’re standing right in front of each other. Meg nods.

“I know,” she says. Then she looks at her nails. “And as it so happens, my date also kind of just bailed on me, and now I’m looking for another soul to spend tomorrow evening with. You in?”

Castiel can’t help the smile forming on his lips. There’s enough distance between them to make it feel comfortable. He wouldn’t want to give Meg the wrong idea, after all.

“I would love to,” Castiel tells her. They just smile at each other afterwards.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 18 at 10:36 PM

SUBJECT: You’re nosy

_Why am I not surprised that your favorite movie would contain a cat? I don’t really like those creatures, but that’s mostly because I’m so severely allergic to them and I’m unable to share a room with one without swelling up in my face and tearing up instantly. Yeah, no, not cool at all, right?_

_When it comes to my favorite movie, I suppose the Die Hards come up pretty high on the list, though I do enjoy superhero movies. My favorite hero is Batman, and next Halloween I might dress up like him because he’s just awesome!_

_As for your other question about my mother, I know you really want to get to know me and my family, but I’m not ready to tell you about that aspect of my family. Not yet. I know this might be getting frustrating for you, believe me, it’s just as frustrating to me that I can’t really imagine a face in front of me when I think about you before going to sleep. I should just pull my head out of my ass, but… just wait for a little bit longer, alright? This anonymity is really what drives me into kind of convincing myself to maybe tell my brother. Perhaps my father as well._

_I hope you’re not too disappointed, and I hope that, when you’ll get to meet me in real life, I will be worth the wait. I like to think I am. I know that you are, at least._

_Love,_

_Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 18 at 10:54 PM

SUBJECT: Worth the wait

_It’s alright, Wind. I do understand. I just get a little bit impatient, I suppose. But I’m absolutely sure that you’re worth the wait._

_I’m sad to read about our allergies to cats. Luckily I love dogs as well, so if you would ever, you know, plan on hanging out at my house when we’re grown up and responsible, or, you know, whatever our living situations will be, getting a dog would still be a possibility. That sentence was weird, but reading it over and finding out what’s wrong with it almost hurts my eyes._

_Just during dinner I saw I had mail, but my mother has this strict no-phone rule going on at the table, so I was busted rather quickly. But then my Dad pointed out the smile I had upon reading your name – because I’m smiling like an awkward teenager now, urgh – and asked me who the lucky lady was. Luckily, I used my superpowers of distraction by talking about cats instead. Or, memes about cats – again, I use this technique very often. After that I start ASKING for a cat, which I do every month. In fact, if I could really get any animal I want, I’d want bees. They’re truly fascinating, after all!_

_It’s probably weird of me to bring this up, because it’s only going to make things weirder, but you think about me before going to bed? I feel flattered, and maybe kind of busted because I do the same thing, to be fair. And now I wonder, as you’re thinking of me, do you see a certain image in front of you? I’m rather curious as how you imagine me, though I’m pretty sure you won’t tell. I know I won’t, because for all I know I could be describing you completely wrong, and I don’t want to hurt any feelings._

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 18 at 10:59 PM

SUBJECT: Shame on me

_No, seriously, shame on me. I won’t tell you what I imagine you look like, either, since you’ve got the right idea about that one, but I will admit that I might have woken up… excited at the idea of you. Which is weird since I have no idea what you look like._

_I hope you don’t find me disgusting, I can’t really help it. You know, I’ve had sex before. With girls, obviously. And it’s okay, not the greatest thing ever, but it gets the edge off. Until you get to that point where you realize that the female body just doesn’t do it or you anymore, and that’s when sex starts to get boring, more like a chore to get off once in a while without having to do too much effort._

_And I’ll be fair, I’ve had sex with a girl ever since I met you. I guess it’s just my defense-mechanism, telling me to keep up the act. The girl enjoyed it, I only did partly because, the whole time, I was imagining it was you in my arms. After that time, I’ve sworn off the girls and decided to only use the company of my right hand, with you in my mind._

_I’m sorry for being so forward, and sorry for bringing this up right before bed. If you don’t want to send me anything anymore I’d understand. I’d think I’m a creep as well, after all._

_Love,_

_Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 18 at 11:12 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Shame on me

_Wind. I don’t really know what to say, except that, perhaps I’ve been guilty of doing the same things? You know, except for having heterosexual sex, obviously. That just sounds lame if I’m honest, and I’m glad you’ve decided no longer to do that. Is it weird that I felt some sort of jealousy the moment I read about you sleeping with a girl? It’s ridiculous, I suppose._

_I haven’t told you, but I haven’t had sex before. Ever. Not with a girl, not with a boy. The latter speaks the most to me, obviously, but I wouldn’t want to just do it with anybody. I suppose I’m saving myself for that one special guy. You know, the one who hates poetry but still writes it. The one who’s a secret book-worm, loves Reese’s so much it’s almost like he would marry one and eat it immediately afterwards before moving on to any kind of pie. That special guy who doesn’t like wine, loves South Park, and loves the song ‘Ramble On’._

_That special guy._

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 18 at 11:37 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Shame on me

_Is it bold of me to assume that I am that special guy? :-)_

_But, to be honest, the idea of you sleeping with somebody else makes me want to punch their face in as well, so I suppose we’re on equal ground here. I’ll be heading to bed. And not to make things weird, but I’ll be thinking of you tonight. Now, tomorrow, let’s just talk about awkward childhood memories, alright?_

_Love,_

_Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 18 at 11:57 PM

SUBJECT: Good night

_I hope you don’t make me look ugly ;-)_

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

He supposes all mothers are kind of the same when it comes to the matters of seeing their children go to prom. For the past few hours, she, Jo and Anna have been cursing in Jo’s bedroom as they prepare them to look pretty, while Bobby and Castiel just wait downstairs, long ready with their preparations. It probably helps that all he had to do was shave and put on a costume. If he had to do his hair and make-up as well, things would have been taking longer.

Well… in fact, Bobby did try to tame his hair a bit. It stayed well for a few minutes before rebelling against the gel once more. When they figured it wouldn’t get better, Castiel got back out of his costume, washed his hair and just left it like that.

“Ain’t no use, son,” Bobby had said, clearly amused by it. Castiel had agreed. Now they’re just waiting in the couch, watching one of the games Bobby wanted to follow. Castiel doesn’t really watch it, instead looking at his phone.

He doesn’t dare bring up the messages he got from Wind last night, since he knows he’ll be blushing the entire time. He’s so glad he had been alone in his room when he got them, given the fact that it got him a bit… excited.

It’s probably also for the best that the only sound he made was the quiet whisper of ‘Wind’ at one point.

Oh, shit, now he’s thinking about it anyway.

“You okay, son?” Bobby suddenly asks, a sly grin on his lips. Castiel startles.

“Y- uh, yeah, I’m fine,” he says. Bobby looks at him for a bit longer before sighing and muting the sound on the TV.

“Listen, son, I know neither of us wants to have this kind of conversation,” he starts. Castiel feels dread coming up right away.

“Oh no,” he mutters.

“But I suppose we should have the talk now, since it’s prom night.”

“No, no I don’t- we don’t need to-“

“I know this is gonn’ be awkward as hell, so better we just get this over with.”

“Dad, please,” Castiel then says, holding up his hands. Bobby looks up. Castiel rarely calls Bobby ‘Dad’, but when he does, Bobby always seems surprised. “I know everything there is to know. I did my own research, and we learned about it at school. I know how to be safe, and I don’t plan on doing anything tonight.”

Bobby looks at him for a bit longer before a smile finally appears on his face.

“Good, that’s- good.” Then he leans back in his seat and unmutes the TV. Castiel lets out a relieved breath.  “You’re a good kid, Castiel.”

Castiel smiles at his father. Without saying anything, he stands up and takes place on the couch right next to the man. Then, as Bobby is wondering what Castiel is planning, the teenager just leans his head to the side until it’s resting on Bobby’s shoulder.

It’s what they did when Castiel was little and they were watching movies together. Not too big on cuddling, this was just the right amount of physical contact needed for the two of them. He’s aware that Bobby is looking at him fondly, so he closes his eyes. Happiness creeps up on him when he feels Bobby’s arm thrown over his shoulder.

“Wish you would stop growing up and just stay my little boy forever,” he hears Bobby mutters. He has an even bigger flood of memories coming up when he feels Bobby kissing him on the top of his head.

They stay like this for about twenty more minutes until Jo and Anna finally emerge from upstairs. Bobby and Castiel stand up to look at the two girls. Now, Anna has always embraced the dresses and the make-up, but nonetheless she still looks extremely amazing, wearing a deep green dress and a necklace in the form of angel wings. Jo, though, is wearing a simple black dress. Castiel has almost never seen his sister wear things like that, so she almost seems like a whole different person. Her hair is put up in a neat bun, and she’s wearing earrings for once. But while Anna stands there, clearly self-assured about how she looks, Jo just seems to sink in on herself.

“My, girls, you both look so damn beautiful,” Bobby suddenly says with his mouth dropped open in adoration.

“They do, don’t they?” Ellen asks proudly. She already has her camera in her hands and she joins her husband in the living room. Then, nodding towards Castiel, she indicates him to go and stand with them.

Castiel rolls his eyes internally, but goes to stand next to his two sisters. He goes next to Jo, giving her a supportive smile.

“You look amazing,” he assures her. He sees Jo blush as she turns her head away.

“Shut up,” she mutters.

It’s kind of the first time she took the effort of looking amazing, as well. In the previous years, she always went with Castiel, and one time she even went in just a pair of jeans (she quickly changed in the car since Ellen would have thrown a fit). This time is actually the first time she has a date. Castiel is happy for her, and he hopes she won’t be thinking about Dean too much and actually give Inias a chance.

He hopes it so much. Jo deserves to be happy. Deserves not to be hung up on the same guy Castiel was hung up on.

It probably runs in the family, he thinks bitterly.

After Ellen takes the mandatory pictures, Bobby gets up and turns off the TV.

“Alright, now hop into that truck,” he says.

“Wha- Bobby, I can perfectly drive,” Anna protests, but Bobby raises his eyebrow at her.

“An’ just imagine that Winchester kid wants to drive you home? Who will drive these two?” he says, pointing at Castiel and Jo.

“You are aware that we have our license, right?” Castiel offers. Bobby huffs out a breath.

“Just give your old man this one thing, alright?”

Everybody holds up their hands in defeat, and Bobby lets out a grunt before heading out the door. After a quick goodbye to Ellen, the three hurry to the truck and take place in their usual spot. Anna’s at the front because she’s the oldest, while Jo sits behind Bobby and Castiel behind Anna. Once their seatbelts are on, Bobby starts up the truck and heads onto the road.

The silence in the car is surprisingly pleasant. He shares a few looks with Jo, always smiling at her each time their eyes meet. He can slightly see Anna busy on her phone. The music playing in the background is old, but also kind of fitting for Bobby.

Arriving at the school, they all say their goodbye to Bobby, who tells them they just need to text when they need a pick-up.

“An’ don’t be drunk!” he calls out after them. The three laugh as they head towards the school. Inias is already waiting for Jo. When they reach him, he tells them that Dean is already inside. She follows the pair into the building, while Castiel decides to wait out here for a little bit longer.

“Hmmm, sexy and brooding. I recall why I had the hots for you back when we were a thing,” he hears behind him. When he turns around, he sees Meg walking up to him wearing a short, simple black dress. Her hair is loose, and her lips bright red. As she smiles, her teeth almost seem to glow.

He catches her throwing her cigarette on the ground before she reaches him. The first thing she does is grab his tie and correct it a bit.

“It was lopsided,” she tells him lowly.

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t have the hots for me since we were twelve at the time,” Castiel decides to correct her, instead. He sees Meg’s tongue pass over her teeth before she pulls away and starts heading towards the building the party is taking place in.

“C’mon, hotshot. Be my wingman tonight and find me some hot girl to bang,” she tells him. Castiel startles, and she notices it immediately. She nods at him with a wide smirk on her face. “Yeah, that’s right. This was me coming out to you.”

“I didn’t-“ he starts, but Meg shakes her head and grabs his hand before pulling him inside as well.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it,” she warns him. “Who I want to sleep with is of no concern to others. Nor should that be the case with any other person.”

Then she winks at him. Castiel’s breath catches.

“C’mon, I wanna woo some girl tonight, and I wanna see you checking out hot dudes’ asses as well.”

Castiel’s cheeks color brightly, but he doesn’t try to correct her. Instead, he just rolls with it. As long as he doesn’t confirm it, he’s not coming out to her, right? But, she just came out to him, so…

Ah, well, that shouldn’t be a worry for tonight. Right now, all he should think about is dancing.

Which is exactly what he’s doing.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit difficult to write because I was by far not in a Christmas mood! :o

There’s a Singer-Harvelle Christmas tradition that gets repeated every year around the end of December. It starts in the morning, as they all wake up and enjoy breakfast together. When they were still children, Jo, Anna and Castiel always complained about opening their presents by that time. As they turned older, they learned that patience makes the actual gift a whole lot better (or, well, Castiel learned that. The other two? Not so much).

After breakfast, there’s the gathering around the tree where everybody hands out their presents for each other. Ellen and Bobby enjoy their coffee while the children receive a hot coco. In case that it’s snowing, they put on their warm clothes and build a snowman, trying to go bigger each year. Before noon, the entire family heads to church – they do that mostly for Castiel and a little bit Anna as well.

In the afternoon they usually went to the skating rink that was placed in the plaza every year. After that, they walked around the holiday market and warmed up with another hot cup of coco. Around the evening, they listen to the carolers going around in the streets. It’s something they always do with the five of them, and Castiel doubts that things will be different this year.

Or, so he thought.

They’re having breakfast, their usual cinnamon-flavored pancakes, when Ellen and Bobby give each other a look followed by some sad sigh.

“We thought about inviting the Winchesters,” Ellen says out of the blue. Jo, Anna and Castiel look up with wide eyes.

“What? Why?” Jo asks in confusion. She, much like Castiel, doesn’t seem to object against it, but it’s still a surprise that it won’t just be the five of them this year.

“John’s a friend, and I’m pretty sure y’wouldn’t mind them boys hanging around as well,” Bobby mutters out.

“Their dad is out of the hospital?” Castiel asks. Bobby nods.

“Yeah, for the holidays. He’s stable, for now.” That last part is added as an accentuation that it probably wouldn’t last. “They’re a bit tight on money, and Dean passed along that they were skipping the holidays this year. Couldn’t have that, of course.”

The teens give each other a short look before Anna speaks up.

“We don’t have any presents for them,” she points out. Castiel catches Ellen smiling from behind her mug of coffee.

“Guess we’re gonna have to spice up our tradition a bit, ain’t it?” Bobby says, like he thought about that all along. Everybody smiles simultaneously, realizing immediately what that means.

Castiel doesn’t mind missing for this. He makes that clear to Ellen and Bobby when they ask him about it. There’s always the following years, he assures them. So they get into the truck without further hesitation.

They go everywhere they can go, but most of the stores are closed. Passing Target and Walmart, they enter CVS, Walgreens and Family Dollar where they get together some last-minute gifts for their guests. Castiel finds he’s having much more fun than he would have been expecting.

By the time they arrive home, there isn’t really any more time to go to the plaza. Not that they care. They’re all too busy to prepare the dinner table, helping Ellen with the food and giving Bobby a hand with packing in their newest presents.

The Winchesters arrive around six. It’s Dean behind the wheel, John sitting next to him in the passenger seat and Sam in the back. Castiel can see that the older Winchester is having trouble getting himself out of the car without ending up breathless. He feels sorry for Sam and Dean, knowing that the two just want to help but really can’t due to their age limitation.

“Welcome,” Ellen says in a greeting the moment the Winchesters reach the door. Castiel takes their coats while Jo guides them to the living room. Their house isn’t the biggest or the best, but it’s comfortable enough and can accommodate all of them well enough. Castiel, Jo, Anna and Sam are seated on the ground on some cushions while John and Dean are seated on one couch and Ellen and Bobby on the other. Instead of serving up champagne, she brings out some soda and doesn’t point it out. Castiel doesn’t mind at all, since he’s never been a big fan of champagne.

“The house looks nice,” John points out. And that’s enough to get them into a pleasant conversation that goes on for a little while. And when Ellen leaves their company to check on the food, Castiel and Sam offer to help.

Ellen puts them to work. Together, the two teenagers help bringing every bowl and plate to the dinner table. Eventually, the others get the point that they can start getting seated, and before Castiel’s well aware of it they’re all sitting together, he between Sam and Anna with Ellen in front of him.

It’s such a pleasant atmosphere, Castiel is barely even aware of Dean not too far away from him. It feels good, for once not having all of his focus on him.

Once dinner is over, Anna claps her hands together before pointing them at the tree.

“Not that this wasn’t the best dinner ever, but there’s a whole bunch of presents underneath that tree that I think can’t wait to be unpacked,” she says with a smile. Castiel loves her enthusiasm, not surprised that everybody goes along with her.

And there are so many presents. Castiel got a new book from Ellen, a Ravenclaw scarf from Anna, a Captain America shield pillow from Jo (which made him blush a little bit), and most surprisingly an actual NEW phone from Bobby.

“I was gettin’ tired of looking at that damn broken screen of yours,” Bobby explains when Castiel looks at him with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. “It’s from Ellen and me. Don’t drop it again.”

The entire time, the Winchesters have been sitting there a bit awkwardly, but when Jo gets up, picks up another present and hands it to Sam, the surprise is clear on their face.

“What?” he asks. Jo grins.

“You really think we’d be leaving you out of this?” she asks. Then she takes the other two packages and hands them to Dean and John. “Merry Christmas.”

For a brief second, Castiel catches something in the way Dean and Anna shares a look. He wonders if they’re secretly back together? They have been hanging out a lot in the time that she got back.

“We know it’s a bit random, but there weren’t many stores open I’m afraid,” Ellen says in an apology.

“Nah, this is amazing Ellen. Thank you all so much,” Dean assures her. John, though, seems to have fallen quiet as he looks at a piece of paper that Castiel can’t recall was supposed to be in the assembly of gifts. He hopes it’s not the receipt?

“What’s this?” he asks. Castiel catches Bobby and Ellen frowning as well, but Anna keeps her head high as she answers.

“It’s a message from the hospital,” she says. A cold shudder passes through Castiel upon the words. Why would she put that inside John’s gift basket?

“Anna?” Ellen asks with a frown.

“It’s their confirmation for me being a match, and underneath it a consent form for me to become a donor,” Anna explains. “You’re all family friends, and this is something family would do for each other.”

There’s a heavy silence going on in the room. Dean has his eyes glued to the floor, but everybody else is staring at Anna and John, trying to see what their reactions are. Castiel, to be fair, couldn’t be more surprised.

Then, suddenly, John Winchester puts down everything that was on his lap and gets onto his feet carefully. With quick steps he comes to stand in front of Anna, who stares up at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

“You better get up now ‘cause I’m going to give you a hug,” John jokes. The tension breaks, laughs fill the room as Anna stands up and throws her arms around John’s shoulders. The hug is short, but it’s quickly followed by Sam and Dean both hugging Anna as well. It’s rather normal that Sam’s eyes are wet with tears.

After the shock settles and another half hour passes by, it’s Bobby who suggests the teens should just go to the skating rink while the adults just hang out. Nobody’s going to object to that, and they all get their stuff before hurrying into the Impala – because of course Dean insists on driving there.

There’s a few people, but not as much as in the afternoon. Castiel realizes he’ll prefer to go at this time due to the lack of reckless children on the ice. There’s couples on the ice, people spinning together and even somebody who manages to perform a few tricks.

Castiel can’t do any of that, but at least he can manage without falling, which is something, right?

The evening is fun enough, but there comes a point where Dean gets hungry again and offers to pay for a bite to eat. Everybody agrees, obviously. They get to the Wiener Hut stand where Dean orders some hot dogs for everybody.

“Castiel?” somebody asks. Castiel looks up, finding a slightly familiar face standing in front of him. When he looks at the name plate he reads ‘Alfie’, which doesn’t sound like a name he’s heard before.

“Yes?” he asks carefully. The boy, a teenager around his age or maybe older, points at himself.

“It’s me, Samandriel,” he says, showing off his white teeth with his smile. Recognition dawns over Castiel immediately, remembering a skinny little kid from back when he was _really_ small.

“You’ve grown up,” is all Castiel manages to say, and Samandriel rolls his eyes.

“Obviously, and so have you,” he says. Castiel shrugs. When he realizes the others are with them, he decides to give them a little introduction.

“Guys, this is Samandriel. We met each other at Sunday School a _long_ time ago,” he explains. He can’t even remember if that’s before or after he and Anna got taken away from Charles.

“Samandriel, huh? The Alfie threw me off a bit there,” Dean says with a full mouth, pointing at Samandriel’s name tag on his uniform. The teenager rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, a colleague accidentally dropped some ketchup on my uniform so I had to change. Alfie’s on a break today, so yeah.” He winks at Castiel, who snorts in return. “Though I’m not surprised you haven’t recognized me. The school is just too big, isn’t it?”

“You’re a senior?” Dean asks with a raised eyebrow. Behind them, Sam, Jo and Anna start up their own conversation.

“Yeah, though we don’t have any classes together,” Samandriel points out. “I’m mostly just hanging out with the music club.”

“Oh, you play music?” Castiel asks. Samandriel shakes his head.

“Nah, we listen to it,” he says. “Try out different genres and stuff.”

Castiel nods in understanding before realizing that the hot dog he’s holding starts getting colder. He looks down at it and that seems to be indication enough for Samandriel to leave them alone.

“Hey, I should get back to work, but it was nice seeing you again,” Samandriel offers as a way for the conversation to end. Castiel nods, suddenly stuffing his mouth full of hot dog which leads to him being unable to respond to him.

Instead, he waves at him, and they go their separate ways.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 26 at 1:06 AM

SUBJECT: Merry Christmas

_Dear Jimmy,_

_I’m a day late, but merry Christmas to you and your entire family. It’s been super busy today and I never really got the chance to take out my phone and enjoy some quiet time. I’m glad I get to send something now, since I’m not even close to being tired._

_I have some big-ass news, and you’re either going to be very proud of me, or angry that I didn’t warn you beforehand, but I finally told my dad. And don’t worry, I’ll explain to you exactly how it happened._

_It was right after I woke up and came downstairs. My dad was already awake, though my brother was still sleeping. There was a little tree in the living room, so that’s where we sat with the intention of just watching some TV between the two of us._

_And then one moment he started giving me a speech about how proud of me he is, and how he sees that I’m holding something back, which is actually big since my Dad never really notices anything when it comes to personal issues. But, he still did, which means that he was REALLY worried about me. And that’s when I told him. Because I felt like he would listen, and he did. HE FUCKING DID! There was no shouting, no anger. All he said was this:_

_‘That doesn’t change a thing. You’re my boy, and you’ll always be my boy.’ And after that, he started pointing out the importance of safe sex, at which point my little brother decided to wake up and grace us with his presence. After that, I feel like, somehow, our entire little family has grown closer._

_But I wanted to tell him about you, you know? I wanted to tell him everything, but then I realized: how could I do that? How could I explain to him I kind of have a boyfriend I’ve never met before? And before you panic, yeah, I did just call you my boyfriend. Deal with it._

_Anyway, after a while I started to think back about you, and I just thought: I wanna spend next Christmas with you. I want to introduce you to my family, I want to have you visit me in college. I don’t know… There’s so much I want, but I guess I’m slowly starting to get my shit together and grow some balls._

_Good night, Jimmy._

_Love,_

_Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 26 at 9:10 AM

SUBJECT: Good Morning

_Wind,_

_You know, there’s nothing better than getting to wake up with a new message from you. Especially one where the person you’ve been messaging with indirectly claims you as his boyfriend. Thank you for getting that question I never was going to ask out of the way. I’m glad it’s at least official. Kind of. As official as things can get in our situation._

_You have no idea how glad I am that your father took it so well. It’s obvious that he really loves you, and probably wants to give you something back for all those years you didn’t always see eye to eye. I hope that, one day, I’ll be brave enough to tell my family as well._

_My Christmas was good as well. We had some family coming over and afterwards we went ice skating. We had fun, and just for a moment we all just felt like kids again. You know, that time of the year where family or friends come over at your house and you’ll play for three hours before your parents come and pick you up again? Not that I know much about that, given that I didn’t really have a lot of family that came by to visit. This Christmas was an exception, and I suppose that made this one so much more special._

_I hope you’ll have a wonderful day._

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 27 at 2:14 PM

SUBJECT: CD’s

_Jimmy_

_Have I ever told you that I’ve been collecting every little clue that you’ve left in all your previous messages. It’s built me up some sort of character sheet which I mentally hold with me each time I wander around the school hallways._

_It’s funny that I think about this during Christmas break, but it just suddenly came to mind. To this point I’ve found myself guilty of looking up people wearing Imagine Dragons shirts or walking around with Pop Tarts in the Cookie Dough flavor. Heck, you’re too early into Yuri on Ice to have any kind of merch on that, but I’m still looking out for it._

_But every time I see somebody, and our eyes meet, I almost hope that there’s this click, this realization that it’s you. It’s never there. And I never know if I’m happy with that or not. I suppose it’ll be even more of a surprise when we do finally meet each other for the first time._

_Shit, I only just came to the sudden realization that we only know each other for three months. That’s not long at all, is it? It feels like I’ve known you my whole life. I suppose when it clicks, it just clicks no matter how much time has passed._

_I’m not going to be able to send more messages after today. My brother and I are heading out of town for a bit to get a feel at the different universities I applied to. Just to see which one I definitely don’t want to go to when it’s time. Also, celebrating the New Year roadtripping seriously is the best thing ever! I can’t believe that after this school year, high school is officially over for me. I should finish this school year with a bang, don’t you think? :)_

_Love,_

_Wind_

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Dec 28 at 4:25 PM

SUBJECT: Enjoy!

_Like the subject says, enjoy your trip and be safe! I’ll patiently await you all the way here._

_You won’t be able to find me wearing any kind of merchandise. To be fair, I don’t really know where I could buy Imagine Dragons t-shirts without going to their concert, and so far I’ve never been able to go. As for the Yuri on Ice merch, you’re right; it’s a bit too early for me to look that up. I’m also not really planning on wearing anything related to that show in the daily life. Let guilty pleasures be guilty pleasures. Also, don’t tell anybody I watched the show._

_But to be fair, I try and look you up as well. So far I haven’t had much luck. I guess by now I get paranoid with every guy that starts to be friendly towards me, until I remember that you wouldn’t particularly treat me differently since you have no idea who I am. That doesn’t seem to make sense, right?_

_Don’t be a stranger. I’ll miss you while you’re gone._

_Love, Jimmy._

Christmas break seems over way too soon, because before Castiel can really realize it he’s once again sitting in Drama, watching Marv and Jessica speak up their lines perfectly. He’s rather surprised that their training session of practicing their lines actually worked out.

So far, Marv hasn’t bothered him further about the whole thing, but Castiel never doubts that it isn’t far behind. He’s preparing himself for it at every time.

Looking at Jessica, Castiel thinks back of Sam. It’s to the frustration of most that neither she nor Sam have decided to finally go with it and be together. Sadly, it seems like they still decide to just dance around each other. Castiel often can just get so tired of straight people with their straight problems.

Much like Castiel suspected, Marv approaches him after class.

“So, hey Castiel, how was your break?” Marv asks. Castiel gives him a quick look before shrugging.

“It was good,” he says shortly. “Spent it with the family. It was nice.”

Marv nods, a bit too much, and puts his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, listen, I was thinking about doing something grand for Jessica, you know? Just woo her with a show, what do you think?”

Castiel rolls his eyes.

“Marv, how you decide to try and win Jessica isn’t any of my concern. All you needed me to do was get her to like you, and I think she likes you.”

“Yeah, but I need to be sure that she likes me the right way, you know?” Marv says. Castiel doesn’t respond. He knows well enough what Marv means, but too bad for him he never specified anything when they started their deal.

As he walks into the hallway, he suddenly catches Samandriel a bit further away, talking to some people. It’s weird that knowing he’s here makes Castiel actually notice him for once. Castiel figures he had just never really been looking before.

“You know what, you’re absolutely right,” Castiel says, not realizing he’s giving Marv’s shoulder a squeeze before nodding into the hallway. “You do what you do, and I’ll start up a conversation with an old friend, alright?”

“Yes, alright! I’ll talk to you later!”

And Marv finally disappears by the time they’ve approached Samandriel’s group. Making sure that Marv’s not close to them at all, Castiel clears his throat before waving.

“Hello, Samandriel,” Castiel greets his childhood friend. Samandriel looks up from his friends, suddenly smiling as he notices Castiel standing there.

“Castiel, hello,” Samandriel greets him with a bright smile that hasn’t really changed much since they were kids. “How was your break?”

“It was good, it was nice to relax for a bit,” Castiel says.

“Yeah, I would say I get that, but my brother and I have been road tripping the entire time to check out college locations. It was legitimately the only time we could break free from our Dad, and holy crap did we need it!”

An alarm goes up in Castiel’s head. Road tripping? With his brother? There’s no way, right?

No, no way, Samandriel is too light and kind-hearted a person to be Wind, right? And Castiel doesn’t mean with that that Wind isn’t kind, but he’s a bit rougher, right? Samandriel went to Sunday School with him, for crying out loud.

“Sounds like it was a lot of fun,” Castiel says. Samandriel nods.

“Yeah, it was,” he says, pulling out his last book from his locker. “Say, I need to get to class, but we should definitely hang out.”

Castiel nods, and Samandriel winks before walking into the hallway, following his friends – another group of kids Castiel has never seen before. Just how many people are there at this school?

The company at lunch is the same as always. Castiel hurries to his table when it seems like everybody is trying to make a grab for the dessert. He’s glad he came early, otherwise he would have missed the pie.

“Yo, C, did you hear?” Charlie asks as Castiel sits down with a small huff. There aren’t many people seated yet, but Castiel can see Jo and Dorothy with them.

“No, what happened?” he asks. Seriously, how could something already happen on their first day back?

“They finally did it,” is what Jo says with a mouth full. Castiel frowns, wondering who it is exactly she’s talking about, and why she feels the need of telling that they’ve finally done ‘it’.

“That’s not how you should tell him,” Charlie says, poking Castiel’s sister in the side. Jo coughs and glares at Charlie before picking up another piece of bread from her plate. Looks like her lunch is variated as always.

“I’m getting a bit confused here,” Castiel admits.

“That’s because these two are horrible at explaining things,” Dorothy says, taking pity on him. “Sam and Jessica are finally, officially, a couple.”

Castiel’s eyes widen.

“No way!” he calls out. Where they think it’s excitement he’s expressing, it’s actually fear. The sudden realization that he hasn’t at all been trying to help Marv anymore in the past few weeks. The realization that, twice now, Marv is going to be rejected.

And Castiel is going to pay the price.

“No way, what?” Sam’s voice suddenly asks from behind them. He looks happy, shining, even. He’s followed by Jessica, who seems equally happy. Castiel feels horrible that he can’t feel happy for them.

“You two finally pulling your heads out of your asses,” Charlie teases him, and Sam’s face colors red immediately. Jessica rolls her eyes.

“C’mon, Charlie, a TV-show is only amazing if it takes a while for the couple to actually become a couple,” Jessica jokes, winking at the girl. Charlie pokes a fry in Jessica’s direction.

“That, my friend, is called slow build in the world of fanfiction,” she explains. Everybody laughs.

“We’re not living in a fanfiction,” Dorothy points out. Charlie then grins.

“You don’t know that! Our life is pretty much a fanfiction already,” she says happily before pecking Dorothy on the lips. “After all, I’ve never been happier with you. Sam and Jessica are finally together. Jo has a kind of boyfriend that isn’t Dean Winchester-“

“Hey!” Jo interjects, but Charlie ignores her. As far as Castiel knows, Jo and Inias aren’t, in fact, together. Though they’ve agreed to hang out a bit more and get to know each other better before making any decisions.

“- so I guess all that remains is finding our dear Castiel Singer here a lover, and then I suppose we can finally bring up an epilogue of this fanfiction of ours.”

“You’ve been living on Tumblr for so long I fear you have just become it,” Dorothy jokes. Everybody laughs, including Charlie.

“I’m not sure about finding C a lover, by the way. We at home are all convinced he’s hiding away a secret girlfriend,” Jo tells them, making Castiel feel his cheeks warm even more. They’re all just talking about him now, and he can’t even react to it. Not even to deny what Jo is saying.

“What?! You have a secret girlfriend and never told any of us?! Who is it?!”

“Uh-“ Castiel starts, unable to form any words. Especially when suddenly the table gets a few more people in the form of their senior-friends.

“Who’s got a secret girlfriend?” Benny asks when he sits down next to Dorothy. Victor goes next to Jo, followed by Inias. At the end, Dean sits down as well, taking place next to Castiel since that’s the only free spot left.

“C!” Charlie exclaims. “C’mon, tell me more! Who is she? What’s her name? What does she look like?”

“I, uh-“ Castiel starts, but he still can’t. His head is spinning, his eyes getting heavy. He hates having the attention on himself like that.

And while in fact, Jo wasn’t wrong, there’s still no girlfriend to talk about. Nor will there ever be. But Castiel can’t just come out to them right at this point, can he?

“I don’t-“

Suddenly, loud music starts playing. All the attention that had been on Castiel now moves to the side. To Castiel’s biggest fear, he finds Marv standing there with a boombox in his hand, holding a microphone in his hand.

“Jessica Lee Moore!” he calls out.

The horror Castiel feels right now is indescribable. He just wants to sink away underneath the table, hide from the world until everything is back to normal. He can’t stand being subjected to so many questions, and can stand it even less when secondhand embarrassment is inevitable. And given the situation, this case of it will be absolutely murdering.

“Oh no,” Castiel then finally utters out, and he smashes his face against the table. He can’t watch.

“I’ve been a drama-kid almost for the entire time that I’ve been at this school. And then suddenly, last year, you came in, joined the group and almost immediately earned yourself a place into my heart.”

“What the hell is he doing?” Charlie asks. Castiel can’t even manage to pull his hand away from his eyes. If he can’t see it, it’ll be a little bit less worse, right?

Though, he can still hear Marv approaching them. Shit shit shit he can’t handle this, he’s going to puke…

“In these past few months, I got to know you, because you allowed me to. You listened to my sob stories, you told me yours, and I just felt it almost immediately. That ‘click’ between us. You’re this smart, beautiful and talented person, practically the embodiment of an Angel, and I would never have thought that you would even _talk_ to some nerdy know-it-all like me. Yet you did. And that’s why, Jessica, I have to ask you…”

He’s going to do it. He’s going to ask it. Castiel smashes his head against the table once again. This is all his fault. He should have told Marv not to do it. But Castiel didn’t care. He didn’t care at all.

“Will you go out with me?”

Loud whispers come up in the dinner hall.

“You’re not even close to her league!” somebody shouts in the back. When Castiel feels a chair scrape at the table he’s sitting at, he startles up, seeing that Jessica is standing up and walking towards Marv. The murmurs around them get louder.

“Is that shit-face completely out of his mind?” Dean asks angrily right next to him. “The idiot knew she and Sam had this thing going on!”

Castiel presses his lips together. He knows that he never vowed to have Jessica ‘like’ Marv in the romantic sense, but he still feels a whole lot responsible for this. Marv never mentioned that he wanted Jessica as his girlfriend, after all!

They can’t hear what Jessica is telling him, but when her gaze turns to the table, they know she’s explaining him about Sam.

“I genuinely feel like I’m about to vomit all over the place,” Castiel complains. All the people at their table shuffle a bit away from him while Charlie hands him the plastic bag she used for her lunch. Castiel just groans and presses his head back on the table. He feels a hand going through his hair, but he ignores it. Even when he feels like the person is actually playing with his hair. He doesn’t care. He just wants to sleep and wake up when all the awkwardness has passed.

Eventually, Jessica sits back with them. The whole hall is silent apart from a few whispers. The entire table doesn’t dare to speak for the following few seconds. Eventually, Jessica breaks the silence with a sigh.

“Well, that wasn’t fun,” she mutters. Castiel groans against the table.

“Cas, the awkward thing is over,” Dean whispers close to his ear. Castiel shakes his head without lifting it.

“No, it’ll never be over,” he mumbles, aware that they might not understand him. He hears Dean chuckle next to him, and who-ever’s hand is still in his hair could have Castiel’s pie because the massaging of the base of his skull just feels heavenly.

“You did the right thing, Jessica. It’s better to give him the facts,” he hears Charlie, ignoring Castiel’s overdramatic reaction.

“I don’t even get where he suddenly started thinking there was ever anything going on between us! We talked, we hung out, but I always made sure to mention that my interests were in Sam.”

“He’s just a douche who can’t seem to catch a hint,” Sam grumbles.

“Dean, you mind givin’ me a massage as well? My neck is awfully sore,” Benny jokes suddenly. The hand on Castiel’s head suddenly disappears. That’s okay, at least now Castiel can just get up. He pulls up his head and pushes his chair back with his feet.

“You leaving?” Jo asks.

“I’m going to the toilet,” he says. “I need some water in my face.”

“You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“I’m not sure,” Castiel assures Sam. In fact, he’s freaking out. He’s freaking out so much that his head can’t even go in alarm over the fact that for the past five minutes Dean has been playing with his hair, while only a few months ago that would have been the only thing he could think of.

“Hey, Cas, if you’re not getting that pie, can I take it?” Dean points at the untouched plate of dessert Castiel was so happy to get. The idea of eating that now just makes him feel worse.

“Ah, so that’s what you’ve been massaging him! You just wanted his pie!” Victor jokes. The people at the table laugh, but it’s faint. Everybody’s obviously still shook about the entire thing.

“You got me there,” Dean says, winking at his friends. Castiel doesn’t intend on staying longer. After a quick affirmative towards Dean he heads to the restrooms. He knows he’s not going to puke, but his entire body is still having some sort of reaction on the cringe that happened just now. He leans against the sink, looks at his reflection, and starts wondering how he could have let things get this far. It would all just have been easier had he just told everything to his friends. Coming out isn’t that big of a deal, right? Sure, it’s terrifying, but Meg just threw it at him like it’s not even something worth mentioning. Maybe Castiel can try that the same way?

The door to the restrooms open. A cold shudder passes Castiel when he sees Marv.

“Ah, just the man I wanted to see.”

Castiel tries to swallow past a large lump in his throat.

“I figured as much,” he responds. Marv looks unaffected, but Castiel sees it in the way he moves; less confident, shoulders hunched together a bit. Fingers twitching nervously. He’s hiding rather well that he’s a bit of a mess.

“You think this is hilarious, don’t you?”

Castiel turns around, keeping a neutral face when his eyes meet Marv’s. His hands are balled into fists.

"Not really,” Castiel admits.

“Yeah, it doesn’t really fucking seem like it.” Marv leans against the sink. He looks down at it, and reaches out a hand to let the water pour over it.

“Marv-“

“You could have warned me that she has a boyfriend, Singer.”

Castiel sighs. “I couldn’t, because I only knew five minutes before you did,” he tries. He’s not sure Marv will even believe him.

“As if, they’re your friends, aren’t they? Don’t they tell you everything?”

Castiel lowers his gaze. It’s a mean thing to say, but he knows Marv isn’t yet ready.

“Oh, wait, my mistake. It’s not like you’ve told them everything, either.”

Castiel looks back up. There’s such a strong anger on Marv’s face along with the embarrassment he felt from that stunt he did at the cafeteria.

“I mean, I get you weren’t really happy with out deal-“

“Deal?!” Castiel suddenly calls out. “You were holding my e-mails over my head and used them to make me have Jessica talk to you. That’s blackmail!”

“Yeah, and you did such a fucking good job at that, by the way! She likes me sure enough.”

“You _never_ said anything about asking her out! A girl liking you doesn’t have to always be meant romantically. You should have been more precise in that case.”

Marv doesn’t say anything anymore, instead just staring.

“Just forget it,” Marv then says. He storms out of the room, leaving Castiel a bit bewildered by the sudden reaction. Then, he storms after him.

“Hey, what about my e-mails?!” he calls out, but once he looks into the hallway, Marv is nowhere to be found.


	10. Chapter 10

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 15 at 6:43 PM

SUBJECT: Cringe

_Wind,_

_Do you know that moment in movies where you know some character is about to do something extremely stupid, and you, as a viewer, know that it’s incredibly stupid because you know more than the character does. And then when the scene actually happens, you can only look away and pretend it isn’t happening in the hope that somebody’ll tell you when it’s over?_

_I’ve had that experience today. And I think that wasn’t even the worst part of today because I messed up. I messed up big time, and I fear that ‘shit’ is about to head my way. Soon. I’m not even sure you’ll still want to talk to me after knowing it. Probably not, because I’m just a shit person doing shitty things to other (shitty) people._

_If this ends up being one of the last times we talk to each other, I just want to tell you that you’ve made these past few months a whole lot bearable for me. Despite only being ‘words on a screen’ in the literal sense, I’ve always felt like you were right next to me whenever I read through your mails._

_I feel like even I don’t understand how much you mean to me, but know that it’s a lot. A whole lot._

_Love,_

_Jimmy._

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 15 at 8:23 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Cringe

_Jimmy_

_What’s going on? Why are you talking as if it’s the last time we’ll ever speak? It won’t just take some stupid thing with a ‘shitty’ friend to make me not want to talk to you. I think you don’t understand just how much you mean to me as well, you know?_

_I think I know what you mean about the cringe-stuff. I guess you were also at the lunch hall when it happened? The idiot, never do something public like that! It’s literally the worst place you could put a girl in! Or a guy, for that matter._

_Love,_

_Wind._

Somebody filmed Marv’s entire confession.

Some idiot actually pulled out his phone and put it on Youtube, making it actually trend with strategically placed hashtags. Castiel can’t really believe it.

An entire week has passed, and while Castiel hasn’t seen nor spoken to Marv for the entire time, he can’t find it in himself to relax. Because Marv still has the e-mails, and Castiel can’t really expect him not to do anything with it. Especially now that Marv seems to become the new meme of the school.

Castiel even sends him a message, asking if he’s doing alright. Marv never answers.

For a moment, life even seems to go on. Castiel is all too aware that it’s silence before the storm. And the first signs of trouble heading his way happens when, suddenly, the doorbell goes and Ellen calls out for Castiel to come down.

“Sam? Charlie? Did we agree to meet up and I forgot about it?” he asks in confusion.

“Wanna take a walk?” Sam asks. He sounds unsure, hesitant. The way Charlie moves around nervously on her feet should have been a warning sign as well.

“Uh, sure,” Castiel says. He gets back inside to grab his coat, wallet and the keys to the house before exiting the house. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he ignores it. He somehow feels like Sam and Charlie want to talk to him.

Oh no, don’t say that both Jessica and Dorothy already broke up with them? That would just be sad and no good example for any hopes Castiel has in a love life.

“Where are we going?” he tries to ask. Sam shrugs. Charlie doesn’t respond at all.

“Just walking around,” Sam tells him. Castiel nods, though he’s not completely at ease. For almost five minutes they just go down the street without speaking.

“Something happened, didn’t it?” he eventually tries when he’s had enough of it.

“Why would you think that?” Sam returns.

“Because- you’re being mysterious and Charlie isn’t even saying a word at all?”

Charlie stops in her tracks before letting out a sigh. She kicks the snow underneath her feet before shaking her head.

“Yeah, no, I can’t do this,” she says. Without looking at either of them, she storms off the street, returning to her car parked in front of Castiel’s house. Castiel watches her go with worry. Where’s the normally happy girl that he always hangs out with? He’s never seen Charlie so uncomfortable, even angry?

“Sam, what’s going on?” Castiel almost begs of his best friend. Sam’s eyes look sad, but also compassionate. He shakes his head, letting out a long breath that appears in a cloud in front of his mouth.

“It’s probably not that big of a deal,” Sam then says in an obvious attempt to shrug away the subject. “We should probably get back inside, it’s really cold.”

And while Sam makes a good point there, Castiel has never really felt so dismissed by his friends. Something’s obviously up, and it seems like nobody wants to even speak to him about it.

The moment they arrive at Castiel’s house, Sam grabs his bike.

“I should probably go,” he says awkwardly.

“Okay, then,” Castiel mutters. He stands in front of his door and watches his friend drive off before he heads back inside. The entire fifteen minutes that they’ve been outside, all Castiel’s felt are chills and a disgusting feeling in his stomach. Almost as if his friends are disappointed at him. But Castiel can’t really think of anything he did today that would make their reaction to him change so drastically?

He heads back to his room. His phone vibrates again. He ignores it once more. Whatever happened, he feels like he doesn’t really want to be aware of it.

Sadly, he hadn’t taken his sister into account.

“C?” Jo asks after knocking on the door. Castiel, who is sitting on his bed just hums out an affirmative that he’s there. “You mind if I come in?”

“Of course,” he tells her. He shuffles on the bed until he’s leaning with his back against the wall. His laptop is on his bed, his activities on it put on hold because of Charlie and Sam who suddenly decided to appear and disappear all in under twenty minutes.

Jo doesn’t speak as she gets in. She just walks up on the bed and gets herself next to him. Then she puts her head on his shoulder and reaches for the laptop without moving too much.

“I need to show you something,” she says. “You’re probably going to find out eventually, but I don’t want you to be alone when you do.”

Castiel nods. “Okay,” he says. Jo moves the cursor and the screen turns back on. Luckily, Castiel saved a draft of his e-mail before turning off the browser. Now, all she can see is the start of an English assignment he was doing in between mailing with Wind.

He watches her open up the browser. It’s a bit confusing when he sees her open up Tumblr. The only thing he’s ever watched on there is the confessions page, which he hasn’t visited for ages already.

She suddenly takes my hand as she starts scrolling down on the page. At one point, she stops, a post standing right in the middle of the screen. It’s a confession, with a few pictures underneath, though Castiel can’t see which ones since she hasn’t scrolled down far enough.

“Jo?” he asks. The girl just sighs.

“Read?” she suggests. Castiel lets out a deep breath before starting.

 

_CASTIEL SINGER IN SEARCH FOR HOT YOUNG BOYFRIEND_

_Dear fellow students, I come with news._

_Castiel Singer has a secret pen pal. But not just any pen pal; a MALE pen pal. I accentuate the ‘male’ part because he’s gay. Extremely gay. And he’s in a relationship with a guy that doesn’t even want to meet him. In case anybody in interested to offer him some distraction from this hopeless love-affair, he’s open for any anal activities you have planned, though of course ladies need not apply._

_Sincerely, Anonymous._

 

Underneath the message are the pictures. Screenshots of the first few mails that have happened between Wind and him. Castiel’s throat is dry, suddenly. He’s only aware his hands are shaking when Jo’s fingers tighten around his.

“C?” she asks in worry. Castiel doesn’t respond. He feels his eyes sting, a tear rolling over his cheek. “I reported it. All of us did, in fact.”

So they’ve all talked to each other before talking to Castiel. Who knows how long the post has already been on there?

He shakes his head. “It’s too late, it’s already out there,” he tells her.

“You never know, right?” she tries hopefully, but when Castiel doesn’t respond a heavy breath escapes her mouth. “Who do you think did this?”

Castiel doesn’t even need to think. “Marv,” he says.

“What? Why would he do that?” Jo asks in confusion. Castiel shrugs.

“Because the entire school was talking about him. And now they’ll be talking about me, instead,” he tells her. Jo stares at him sadly. Castiel shuffles away from his spot on the bed, letting go of Jo’s hand before walking towards the window.

“C?” she asks without really asking the question. Castiel already knows what she wants to know.

“Yes,” he says. “It’s true.”

“What is?”

“What he says. Or, the part where I’m gay. Not the part where people need to distract me with sex.”

Castiel puts his forehead against the window and closes his eyes. This is it, this is the storm arriving. School is going to happen on Monday, and he’ll be the center of the attention without even wanting to. All just because Marv is a dick.

“I know,” Jo then says. Castiel turns around so quickly he almost thinks he has a whiplash.

“What?” he asks. Jo shrugs.

“I don’t know, I always felt like I knew. You’re my brother, C, and I know you.”

“But you never told me?”

“Yeah, because that’s your thing to say on your own time. And I think it sucks that Marv took that away from you.”

Silence comes back up. He hears quiet sounds in the bed before his door opens again.

“I’m in my room if you need to talk,” she tells him. Before she does, though, Castiel speaks up again.

“I’m not ashamed of it,” he quickly tells her. Jo hesitates at the door for a moment.

“Then why didn’t you ever say anything?” she asks. Now it’s Castiel’s turn to fall silent. “You know it’s not something to be ashamed of, right?”

Castiel throws her a short glare. “Of course, I know that,” he mutters. Jo holds up her hands, making Castiel shake his head. He gets off the mattress and heads towards the window. When he looks outside, he finds that it’s still snowing.

“If you decide to tell Mom and Bobby, I’ll be there with you if you want me to.”

Castiel nods. He clears his throat and looks down. Without really realizing it at first, a tear rolls down his cheek. Jo seems to have noticed, as she marches back into his room and puts a hand on his shoulder. Then, without any prompting needed, she pulls him into her arms and hugs him tightly.

“I’m going to lose him,” Castiel says in between sobs. He can’t control it anymore, his entire body shaking against Jo’s.

“Who are you going to lose?” she asks, gently swinging them as if she was comforting a child.

“Wind,” Castiel whispers out. “I- I love him.”

Jo pulls back, and their eyes meet. When she suddenly puts her hand on his cheek, Castiel bites his lip.

“And if he loves you, he’s not going to leave you. After all, his identity is still safe.”

Castiel shrugs. He supposes she’s right, but he’s still not sure.

He just hopes.

When Ellen calls them for dinner, Jo stays close to Castiel as they get down the stairs and join their parents at the dinner table. Bobby’s busy bringing pots from the kitchen to the table, while Ellen’s pulling out a cold beer from the fridge.

Of course, Ellen notices there’s something wrong. Castiel sees it in the way she stares at him the entire time he eats. Jo is able to maintain a normal behavior, but Castiel is just too tired. It’s too much at once, he can’t keep up with it anymore.

“Castiel, honey, is there something wrong?” Ellen asks.

“I’m fine-“ he says automatically before realizing that, no, he’s not entirely fine. “I, uh, I actually wanted to talk to you guys for a bit.”

“What’s up, son?” Bobby asks. Jo puts down her fork and knife and underneath the table Castiel can feel her take his hand and squeeze it. Good, she told him she wouldn’t leave him alone.

“I, uh,” he starts, but nothing else comes out. A long breath escapes through his nose, his lips pressed together into a thin line.

“Let me guess, yer finally fessin’ up about that secret girlfriend of yours?” Bobby asks before putting his glass of water against his lips. Castiel eyes him for a short second, but he doesn’t respond.

“Bobby,” Ellen starts, reaching out her hand towards her husband. That, in turn, makes Bobby stop in his movement, his blue eyes not leaving Castiel. It’s an indication that he’s all ears, though Castiel doesn’t doubt that he wasn’t listening before. This time, though, he can expect Bobby not to interject.

Castiel takes a deep breath, followed by another one. He can do this, he’s told Jess before, he’s told Jo now. Meg knows as well, though with her he never confirmed it. It’s just two words. He can say it. He can say it! He can SAY it!

“Castiel?” Ellen asks.

“I’m gay.”

There’s a silence at the table. All eyes are on him, but nobody seems to want to speak. Jo’s hand is still squeezing Castiel’s, and it’s the only sort of comfort he’s feeling. He almost wants to just cry on the spot, but he can’t. Not without worrying all the others.

“That’s-“ Ellen starts, but she seems to hesitate on her words. She throws Bobby a quick look, but she as well as Castiel notice how Bobby seems to be frozen on the spot. “Honey, I’m glad you told us.”

“And I’m proud of you,” Jo adds as an attempt to break the tension some more. Castiel doesn’t respond, instead just waiting for Bobby’s response, which there still has to be one of.

But every time Bobby opens his mouth, he seems to change his mind and close it again. Castiel was never worried that Bobby might not be happy about it, but with the way he’s reacting right now… he doesn’t know. It kind of hurts, getting no reaction from him.

Then, suddenly, Bobby stands up. Without warning, his chair scrapes on the floor and his hands are on the table. His eyes never leaving Castiel’s.

“Bobby?” Ellen asks in confusion.

But Bobby just rounds the table. He walks slowly until he’s standing behind Castiel.

“Get up, boy,” he says calmly.

“Bobby, what are you-?” Ellen starts, but Bobby holds up his hand for her to stop. Then he nods back towards Castiel.

“Get up,” he repeats. Castiel sighs but does as he’s told.

This isn’t at all what he would have imagined Bobby doing. He’s actually surprised, and at the same time extremely disappointed. In no way in hell is this how he imagined this going.

All air leaves his body when, suddenly, Bobby’s arms are wrapped around him. When it comes to hugs, this one is a strong one. Castiel is barely able to breathe. He feels Bobby gently slap him on the back, a sniff coming from his direction.

“I’m proud of you, son,” he says with a shaky voice. He doesn’t let go of Castiel, only holding on a bit tighter. Castiel can’t really say _when_ he lets go, but the moment he does his hands are on Castiel’s face, and he’s leaning up to kiss his forehead. “Thank you for telling us.”

Castiel closes his eyes and leans into the touch. A small smile appears on his face, almost hurting after the lack of doing so the entire day. When Jo and Ellen get up as well to join in the hug, for a short second, Castiel wonders why the hell he waited this long?

 

 

FROM: thursdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 25 at 9:34 PM

SUBJECT: Out

_Wind,_

_The title probably isn’t too revealing, but it happened. I’m completely out to my family. It wasn’t really my choice to do so, but a lot of things happened and my life was kind of crumbling down around me. Only like this did I manage to get my hands back on the wheel and keep my life on track, though only barely._

_At first I thought it went horribly. My dad was quiet, suddenly stood up and walked up to me. I wasn’t expecting him to beat me up or anything, but from the way he was doing I was almost expecting a rant, a gigantic talking to. Instead, he told me to get up and started hugging me. I’m not going to lie, I actually started crying._

_They’re all super-okay with it. As it turns out, my sister already kind of figured it out on herself but never really wanted to mention it. I’m grateful for that._

_Now that I’ve told you this, there’s something else I need to tell you._

_There’s a big chance you will find out who I am. It’s not really anything in my control; somebody took screenshots of our mails together and posted them online. Don’t look it up, though, because the administrators of the blog already took it down. Still, word travels around fast. By the time you get to school tomorrow, you’ll probably know._

_I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop it. I tried to do it, but after a while I forgot just how serious he was being. I wouldn’t really have expected he’d actually post them, but now you see just how much I can be mistaken in a person._

_Please, PLEASE do not disappear. I don’t want to face school tomorrow knowing that you don’t want to know me anymore. I can’t stand the idea that I won’t have you to talk to anymore. I don’t want to lose you. I love you._

_I’m going to hit send before I regret writing this._

 

Castiel never got an answer from Wind. He almost didn’t expect there to be any. The next day, Bobby handed the keys to the truck to Castiel and told him to be careful with it.

“It’s not yours, it’s just to get yer ass in school and back,” he says. Castiel just gives him a fond smile before Jo follows him out the door and the two get in the car. They agree to switch it up when they come back; Castiel will go to school, and Jo will drive on the return. At least that way they’ll both get some driving done.

It’s good, the fact that Bobby did this for him. He remembers the tension that was there when Sam and Charlie came by, the way Charlie couldn’t really seem to stand being near him. Castiel could understand it; she and Dorothy are the only gay people at the school that have publicly come out with it. And she told Castiel multiple times that he should never be afraid to tell her anything.

Yet Castiel never did.

“You’re gonna be okay?” Jo asks when Castiel parks the car on the parking lot.

“Yeah,” he lies. He’s probably not going to be fine, but he can’t really change anything about it now, right?

“I’m not leaving your side,” Jo assures him. Castiel nods. He follows Jo out of the car, locking it before heading towards the school with his bag on his back.

He notices the change immediately. The entire hallway is filled with people talking as always. The only difference is that, now that he passes them by, people seem to stop speaking to each other and instead look at him.

How can that even be? Castiel doesn’t even know half of all these students here? They can’t all just know him, right?

Unless people looked him up on Facebook and remember what he looks like. He should have made his Facebook profile more private like Sam said he should…

“Nobody’s looking at you more than they already do,” Jo suddenly tells him with a sigh. Castiel shakes his head.

“But they are,” he returns shortly. Jo doesn’t answer when they pass a group of girls who start giggling the moment they think he’s far away enough for him not to hear them.

There’s no Charlie coming up at him. Sam doesn’t suddenly appear at his locker to bring him the latest news of what happened yesterday. Everybody knows what happened yesterday.

By the time the third class of the day is over, Castiel almost considers just calling Ellen and asking her to pick him up. But he’s not sick, he’s just being weak and he hates himself for it. Walking through the hallway again, though without Jo by his side this time, Castiel even considers just going to the toilet to try and vomit. If he smells like it, the nurse might actually consider sending him home.

He doesn’t go through with it. Instead, as he almost reaches his locker, suddenly Gordon appears in front of him with a wide smirk.

“Singer,” the boy says with a wide smirk. Castiel swallows nervously. Gordon so far never really had any reason to talk to him. He only ever talks to his latest victims. Castiel almost fears that he’s going to be the new one on that list.

“Hello, Gordon,” Castiel says, staying friendly though knowing that Gordon isn’t having the friendliest of intentions here.

“You like staring at our asses?” Gordon starts asking, walking up to Castiel so close that Castiel is forced to take a step back.

“What?”

“Every time we’re in the changing room, during PE, you ogle us, don’t you?” Gordon keeps on getting closer, appearing more and more threatening with every step. Castiel almost stumbles with each step back he makes.

“I- I don’t,” Castiel starts.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Gordon, that ass of yours ain’t really worth the watch,” another voice calls out behind him. Castiel turns around hesitantly, recognizing that voice.

A bit further away, Benny is staring down Gordon with a pissed off expression, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his lips drawn into a very thin line. Gordon grunts angrily.

“Mind your own business, Lafitte,” Gordon hisses at him. Castiel is too focused on Benny to notice another person appearing, grabbing Gordon’s arm and pushing him aside.

“Don’t be an ass, you ass,” Victor warns him. When he looks back up at Castiel, he offers him a smile. “Thank God Dean wasn’t here or Gordon’s nose would have been broken to bits.”

Castiel smiles back at him lightly.

“Where did you-?” he starts asking, but both boys shrug. Meanwhile, Gordon gets back on his feet.

“You’re not even worth it, Singer,” he mutters out as he goes on his way. Benny watches him leave while Victor keeps an eye out on Castiel.

“Consider us your guard dogs today,” he says with a wink. “Now, you should get to class.”

Castiel nods, and after a quick thank you, he hurries to his locker to get his last few stuffs.

Lunch is weird. Jo is walking with him as they enter the hall. Their usual place is still free, but Castiel isn’t really feeling like sitting with them. Besides, they probably already think he’s avoiding them since they drove here themselves.

“Jo, I don’t want to sit there,” Castiel admits to his sister, holding his plate close to him.

“What? Why?” she asks in confusion.

“Charlie’s pissed at me and Sam was acting weird last time and I don’t know…”

Jo puts down her plate, takes Castiel’s face in her hand and makes him look up at her.

“Charlie’s not pissed,” she tells him. “Sam’s just weird because he was surprised. I’m sure they’re all just fine now.”

Castiel sighs, but then nods. Following his sister, he heads to their table. He’s all too aware of Sam, Charlie and Jessica looking at him intensely. The seniors aren’t even at the table yet. Good, Castiel isn’t really sure he wants to face Dean.

But his bad feeling gets worse when he nears the table. Charlie’s still looking pretty emotionless. Sam turns his gaze away, while Jessica simply glares at him. That’s not what he was expecting.

“Hey, guys,” Jo says, clearly not noticing their friends’ reaction on Castiel joining them.

“Marv told me what you did,” Jessica says without any greeting. She stands up, crossing her arms and glares up at Castiel. “He was an ass, I told him as much. But instead of _using_ me like this, you could have just told me!”

Castiel can’t speak. He keeps his lips pressed together. What is there even left to say?

“Seriously, C, the entire time that I thought Jess actually liked Marv, it was all because of you, wasn’t it?”

Castiel lowers his head. He nods.

“I was sad for an entire month, I confided in you, and never once did you bother to tell me? Do I even mean anything to you, Castiel?”

Sam is using his full name. Castiel lets out a shudder.

“Seriously, guys?” Jo then asks, slamming her hand on the table. “Marv was actually going to _out_ him if he didn’t help! You think your silly little problems are coming anything close to that?”

“I’m not a piece of meat, Jo!” Jessica calls out. A few people are turning around to see what the commotion is all about.

“We’re all made of meat! And he _barely_ even tried getting you to like Marv. You did all that by yourself, Moore.” Jo’s sharp eyes then suddenly turn to Charlie. “And you, of all people, should know what this means. You chose to come out on your own terms. Instead of being butthurt about the fact that Castiel didn’t confide in you – the only other gay kid at school aside from your girlfriend – be angry at Marv who took something away from Castiel that he’ll never have again; a choice on the matter!”

“He could have chosen to tell us any time,” Sam mutters out. Now Jo seems to be fuming.

“Like you could have chosen to tell Jessica you liked her the entire time you actually liked her,” she snaps. “If that had been the case, you two would have been together for a year already!”

“Jo, it’s alright,” Castiel whispers out. He puts his plate down on the table but makes no indication to sit. “I know when I’m not welcome.”

Castiel has never seen Jo more shocked. Her face falls, mouth dropping open while her eyes widen.

“No, don’t say that,” she almost begs of him.

“I’ll just… go and sit there,” he says, then, taking his plate back and nodding towards an empty table. Charlie, Sam and Jessica don’t say anything. Jo doesn’t even hesitate. She grabs her plate back from the table and throws their friends a mean glare.

“You’re all dicks,” she mutters out at them before following Castiel, who knows his face is red. Castiel, who knows the entire school is watching but pretending they aren’t.

When he sits he still has a bit of a view on their table. He notices Benny, Inias, Victor and Dean joining them, the four of them slightly looking over at him and Jo but not for long.

“I’m really pissed off at them,” Jo mutters, poking through her burger angrily with her fork. Castiel shrugs.

“I would be mad at myself, too.”

“Then you’re an idiot as well,” he gets in return. He smirks lightly at her, glad that she’s true to her word.

 

The following few classes are rather tiring. Drama is the worst of them all, with Marv shooting glares at him and Jessica doing the same thing. Charlie is just ignoring him.

The real shit happens before the last class of the day. Castiel is at his locker, picking up his final textbook, when he hears music play in the background. It’s unfamiliar, but given the fact that it’s getting closer it doesn’t mean much good.

“Hey, Singer!” somebody calls out. Castiel sighs, lowering his head before turning around to face who-ever is planning on annoying him this time. At least it’s not Gordon, since he seems to have decided Castiel is not worth the trouble.

The two boys holding the speaker-box in their hands look vaguely familiar from seeing them passing by, but Castiel has no idea what they’re called. They’re seniors, which is about as much as he knows.

“We heard this is your new favorite song,” one of the two says. Castiel just wonders what they would do if he just walks away? Would they chase him with their box that is playing obnoxious music? Especially now that Castiel can hear the text.

He heard the song before, in a South Park episode. He can’t even believe he recognizes it because of that.

One of the two starts singing (moaning?) along while pretending to rub up against his friend. “What what, in the butt? I said what what…”

He keeps it going, while the other one then turns around and starts twerking next to his friend. Castiel looks up at the ceiling. Don’t let it get to you…

“Hey assholes!”

Suddenly, there’s a noise, and somebody falls on the ground. By the time Castiel looks, he only briefly sees Dean Winchester punch his fist in the second one’s face. He quickly follows his friend on the ground, actual blood getting out of his nose.

“Ow, what the hell, Winchester?” he calls out while keeping his hand on his face to stop the bleeding.

Dean doesn’t pay any more attention to them. He turns to Castiel and grabs his shoulders.

“You okay?” he asks. Castiel looks at him before nodding. What he says next is so spontaneous he doesn’t really have an idea where it’s coming from.

“I want to leave this school now,” he says. Dean just looks at him funnily before nodding.

“I can help with that,” he says. He lets go of Castiel’s shoulders and instead grabs his arm. Together, they walk out that door, their last class of the day forgotten.


	11. Chapter 11

They’re in the Impala. Castiel is barely aware of where they’re going. All he knows is that there’s snow around them, the roads are practically empty, and Dean seems to be extremely tense about what just happened at school.

“They’re such assholes, I can’t believe they would be so childish,” he mutters out. Castiel shrugs.

“To be fair, I’m not that surprised,” Castiel admits. Dean just seems to glare at the road, hand holding the steering wheel tightly. “Are Sam and Charlie going to get home if you’re gone?”

Dean snorts bitterly. “They can walk home for all I care,” he mutters. His eyes shortly glance back at Castiel before going back to the road. “They were jerks.”

“I kind of meddled with Sam and Jessica’s love life, I get why they’re angry,” Castiel explains calmly. Dean stays quiet, letting the quiet music fill up the car into a comfortable silence. Castiel takes that moment to look outside, glad that he’s away from the school filled with people that keep on looking at him. People who have read his most personal e-mails with Wind. He wonders, shortly, if Dean read them, too.

“Why did you do it?” Dean suddenly asks, startling Castiel out of his train of thoughts.

“Why did I do what?” he asks, having forgotten what they were talking about before.

“Trying to set up Jess with Marv? Sammy got really scared about it…”

Castiel bites his lips together, unable to look at Dean.

“I was stupid; I forgot to log out of the computer and Marv found my e-mails. He kept them, told me that I had to make Jess ‘like’ him, though he never really clarified on what ‘like’ meant…”

Dean hums out, lowering the volume of the music when the next song ends up being a lot louder than the next one. He exits the town, driving on a road that brings them to the highway.

“And this guy from the e-mails… Did he know?”

“I couldn’t tell him…” Castiel sighs.

“Why not?”

“I didn’t want to lose him,” he admits. “I was afraid he would disappear if he knew.”

Dean hums, though if it’s in agreement or not, Castiel has no idea. He figures he’ll never know, until Dean speaks up again.

“Guy would have to be an idiot to disappear,” Dean suddenly says. “Any guy – or girl for that matter – would be lucky to have you.”

Castiel stares at his friend, wondering where this reaction comes from. They don’t hang out, they don’t know anything about each other than what is passed along by family.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel tells him, meaning every word. Dean doesn’t smile, though. There’s a hardness to be read in his expression, like he’s seriously pissed off with his classmates, their friends, Marv, just everybody. Castiel feels grateful that Dean seems to want to help Castiel at all.

They stop at a lake. Where they are, Castiel has no idea. He’s wearing a thick coat Dean had in the trunk, and the two are just standing on the pier, looking down at the frozen water with the snowy landscape around them. It’s beautiful here. Castiel wonders why Dean brought them here?

“Found this place once on accident,” Dean tells him. “Went road tripping with Sammy, and the guy had to take a toilet break. This is where we ended up.”

Castiel can just imagine their faces when they found it. It’s really beautiful here.

“Did you swim in the lake?” Castiel asks. Dean nods with a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, we did. We stayed the entire day here until it was time to get back on the road.” Dean kicks some snow off the pier, letting it fall down on the frozen lake. “Cas?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me ‘bout that friend of yours?”

Castiel smiles. If the talking he has to do is about Wind, Castiel would gladly indulge Dean.

“I call him Wind,” Castiel says. “And I’m in love with him.”

 

When it got cold, Dean brought them back to the car. Eventually, he started driving again, but they weren’t headed back to the town. Castiel doesn’t mind at all, and even as they’re still on the road he doesn’t think to ask where they’re going.

Not until Dean stops at a motel. Evening has already fallen, Castiel isn’t sure if his mobile phone has exploded with messages. It’s in his bag, which is in the trunk. He doesn’t care about it at all. To be fair, he’s afraid of finding a message from Wind, telling him that it’s over.

He just wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“A motel?” Castiel asks. Dean shrugs.

“Yeah, I’m tired, buddy,” Dean admits.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working at Bobby’s in the evening?”

“Yeah, but I took a day off. He’s okay with it.”

Castiel blinks. “You talked to my father?” he asks. Dean nods.

“Yeah, he was worried ‘bout you, but I told him I was with you. Said I was gonna bring you home but he told me to give you the time you need.”

Castiel is surprised that Bobby would allow him to just disappear in the middle of a school week. Sure, tomorrow is Friday so there’s only one day he’ll miss, but the fact that Bobby allows him to just disappear with Dean without complaining really means a lot to him.

“Jo also told me that if anything happened to you, she’d kill me. Which is why I need some sleep now otherwise I’m gonna drive us off the road.” Dean laughs, rubbing the back of his neck before nodding towards the door. “Shall we?”

“But I don’t have any money,” Castiel quickly shoots back. Dean shakes his head, putting a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “Bobby wired me some money for ya.”

Without giving Castiel any more chance to comment on it, Dean escapes the car, taking his backpack along with him. In his hand he’s already holding Castiel’s. When he tries to take it from him, he shakes his head.

“I got it, pal,” he says. Castiel shrugs, figuring Dean is just trying to be friendly. He guides them inside the motel, the two of them finding a bored-looking girl taking care of her nails. Castiel heads towards the water-canteen, happy to find out that there’s fruit in it. He can always admire some water with a faint fruity taste.

While he’s drinking, Dean is checking them in with a low voice. Castiel uses this moment to take a good look at him. He’s really kind to take Castiel out of the school when he needed it. It feels like he was the only one who understood that there was just no escape from it for now except like this. And Dean seems genuinely annoyed that Sam and the others are angry at him. It’s a weird situation, really.

Once Dean has the keys he nods towards Castiel to follow him, which he does. He wonders what they’re going to do about clothes, since Castiel obviously didn’t bring any spare with him. When Castiel points it out, Dean shrugs.

“I’ve got some stuff in the trunk,” he says. “Some old clothes and stuff that got a bit too small for me. Just takes something from there.”

The room has two beds. It’s small, with a mini fridge, a large TV that probably doesn’t have many channels on them.

“Just go take a shower or something, I’ll get the clothes out.”

Castiel nods. He heads to the bathroom, spending probably too long there. It feels good to have a moment of himself. A moment to think, clear his mind. But, even as the hot water drops down on him, and the shampoo foams up all his hair, his mind doesn’t seem able to think. Because what’s there to think about?

When he gets out the shower, putting on his boxers, he leans over the sink and takes a look at his reflection. His thoughts to back to what Anna always used to tell him; that he’s got a lot of features from their dad, except for the dark hair. Castiel can’t really remember his father all that much, but he can remember the blue eyes.

His father… Charles Shurley. Castiel wonders how the man is doing. Is he over his alcoholic addiction? Has he gotten his life straight? Did he marry again? Have children? It’s a lot of questions going through him, but he doesn’t have the answers.

What would Charles say about this all? Would he be alright with a gay son? Would he have been angry?

“Cas, you finished there? I need to take a leak,” Dean calls out. Castiel snorts, finding Dean’s way of putting things quite endearing.

“Yes, I’ll come out,” he says. He picks up his shirt and puts it back on before throwing his pants to the side. Once he opens the door, Dean almost falls inside.

“Fuck, thanks!” he calls out. He storms towards the toilet, and Castiel takes that as his cue to leave. He closes the door behind him and sits down on his bed. Dean put his bag on it, and finally Castiel takes out his phone, finding that he has a few messages.

 

> _Jo: C, class is starting & ur not here? _
> 
> _Jo: I’m guessing ur hiding out in the bathroom. It’s okay to skip classes for once._
> 
> _Jo: Why are u not answering?_
> 
> _Jo: Dorothy told me u got some shit from Walt n Roy? Why didn’t u tell me????_
> 
> _Jo: Dean is missing as well??_
> 
> _Jo: good u gave me the car keys. I’m taking the dicks home. They feel a bit bad after the whole Walt n Roy thing._
> 
> _Jo: I talked to Dean, glad ur with him. Stay safe, be home soon._
> 
> _Ellen: Castiel, I’m sorry school was hard on you today. I understand if you need to take some time to clear your mind. Just be home soon, please? Bobby wired you some money for food. Love you. Ellen._
> 
> _Bobby: Son. School is shit. I’m sorry this is the way it went for ya. Glad Dean is takin care of ya. Be safe._
> 
> _Jessica: C, I’m so sorry. I never really realized that people are still assholes about it. I get why you did it, and I realize now that you weren’t even really trying to get us together. I’m not mad anymore. I never should have been. Talk to us soon. Love you._
> 
> _Jessica: Oh and you need to tell me more about this Wind, because I want to know who he is. Will you let me help you with that?_
> 
> _Sam: I’m sorry I was a dick to you, C. It was really shitty of me to put my stupid fears first when in the end it all ended up well for me anyway. Marv really screwed you over, and it’s not fair of me to be angry at you for that. I hope you don’t hate me? Also, take care of that brother of mine. You two have more in common than you think._
> 
> _Charlie: I get it. I was just butthurt because I was the one who told u about Wind, & u never told me u went through with it. I never stopped to think about the fact that it’s scary to come out. Shouldn’t have compared myself with u. Still love u. _
> 
> _Dorothy: Don’t let them get to you. You’re strong, and you can take them if you wanted to. Never doubt yourself, Castiel._
> 
> _Samandriel: Sorry to hear people were such assholes to you. You kind of disappeared at school, are you alright?_
> 
>  

Castiel responds to none of them, though he can’t help but smile at the realization that his friends aren’t too angry at him anymore. He wouldn’t have blamed them if they were, but it seems like Jo’s words got through to them.

He’s about to put away his phone when he catches one last symbol on the left top of his screen. There’s still an e-mail. His heart speeds up, his fingers suddenly trembling. Is he ready to read this? Is he prepared to find out whether or not Wind still likes him after knowing who he is? What if he doesn’t like what Castiel looks like? What if he’s hated Castiel all this time?

His fingers move on automatic pilot. The message opens underneath his thumb touching the screen. The black words appearing on the white background. It’s there, there’s probably no turning back now.

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 26 at 8:23 PM

SUBJECT: (no subject)

_Jimmy,_

_For the longest while, I was wondering what your e-mail address stood for. I think I’ve put two and two together, partly. It’s your name after all, isn’t it? The Angel of Thursday? The one you’re named after? Though, I can’t really place the ‘morning’ part of your name, though I’m going to guess you’re just a morning person and can properly function without coffee. Because you don’t drink it. Never. You’re more of a hot coco kind of guy._

_It’s sad that you had to come out to your family against your will. I wish you had a better experience with it._

_I’m not disappearing. But I still can’t tell you who I am. I’m sorry._

_\- Wind_

 

Castiel isn’t sure if he has to be relieved or not. Wind told him he’s not disappearing, but… the way he ended the message. He used to finish each mail with ‘love’, but now that part is obviously missing. It’s gone, no longer the way Wind finishes his text to him.

He’s not going to disappear, but Castiel is sure that, he’s still lost him. In a whole different way.

It’s going to be that Wind doesn’t like what he looks like, right? He just doesn’t feel attracted to Castiel. That has to be it. Castiel sighs sadly, dropping his phone and looking up at the ceiling with tears in his eyes.

“You okay, Cas?” Dean suddenly asks. Castiel startles, wiping the tears away from his cheeks before clearing his throat.

“Uhm, yeah, I’m alright,” he says with a shaky voice. “It was just a long day.”

Dean’s eyes fall on Castiel’s phone next to him on the bed. He nods towards it.

“They were still assholes to you?” he asks. Castiel huffs out a breath and shakes his head.

“No, they apologized,” he clarifies. A small smile appears on Dean’s face.

“Good,” he returns before heading towards his own bed where he puts his jacket back on. “I’m heading out to get some food. Want me to bring you anything?”

Castiel sighs. “Maybe something small?”

“A burger it is,” Dean returns with a wide grin. Castiel rolls his eyes but still smiles as well. When Dean exits the room, Castiel takes his phone back into his hands.

FROM: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 26 at 8:45 PM

SUBJECT: Re: (no subject)

_Wind,_

_I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong about who I am, because you aren’t. I suppose there’s not really another way around it. You’re right about me being a morning person, but that’s not really the reason I chose it. There isn’t really one, it just fit better than ‘wings’ or ‘halo’ or any other thing angel-related I could have chosen._

_I understand you aren’t ready for me to know who you are. If I had any choice on the matter, I would have chosen to keep it quiet for a little bit longer, too. But now you know. And I’m not sure if you like the answer? Maybe it’s best you don’t answer that non-question. I probably don’t want to know._

_Is it weird that, even if you would not consider anything romantic, I would still wish us to be friends? In so many ways have you become my best friend, and I would be extremely sad to lose you because of the fact that I’m not attractive in your eyes or anything like that._

_If only we could go back to before this all happened. Knowing that I have no idea who you are and you have no idea who I am. I need a time machine…_

_\- Castiel_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 26 at 8:50 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Re: (no subject)

_This sucks._

_Why didn’t you ever just tell me about Marv, Cas?_

_\- Wind_

Castiel doesn’t know what to answer, so he just doesn’t. He puts down his phone and waits for Dean to return.

When he does, Dean sounds a bit breathless.

“Sorry it took so long. There was quite a line,” he says with something in his tone Castiel can’t really place.

“Really?” he asks in surprise. “I wouldn’t expect people taking out food in this weather?”

Dean rolls his eyes but he seems amused. “You’re right, I also had my brother on the phone,” he then says, dropping his phone on his bed as if he doesn’t want to look at it for the rest of the evening. “C’mon, I got you a cheeseburger and some fries.”

“I told you something small, Dean?”

“Ah, lighten up Cas, you’re probably hungrier than you think,” Dean jokes. He sits down at the little table they have and takes out the remote control to start up the TV. In a pleasant silence, they look at the latest news of what happened in the world today. It’s always misery, of course. The news wouldn’t make a report on anything happy, after all.

Dean was right, after all. Without realizing it, Castiel finishes off his burgers and fries and even starts stealing some of Dean’s, which he surprisingly allows. Around ten, the two decide to just go to sleep after brushing their teeth (there’s a toothbrush that came with the room, and Dean seems to have one in his car at all times), the two get into their separate beds.

After a quick goodnight, Castiel turns so his back is facing Dean. He doesn’t dare to look over his shoulder to see if Dean is already asleep, so he just throws his covers over his head when he takes out his phone.

He just needs to let his family know that he’s alright, after all…

 

“Have I ever told you about my father?”

They’re back in the car, the snowing has stopped though it’s still lying all around in the nature. It’s almost blinding to look at.

“Bobby?” Dean asks, confused. “I know a lot about him, Cas…”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “No, not him. My biological father?”

Dean looks ahead for a moment but then shrugs. “Your sister used to tell me about him when we were still together,” he then says. “Why?”

Castiel waits for a few seconds, thinking about his words.

“I want to meet him,” he then says. Dean almost stops the car in his surprise.

“You what?!” he shouts. Castiel waits until Dean regains the control of his driving before he continues.

“I came out to my family. I’ve already sent Anna in a text as well. The only person who doesn’t know is him. I need to do this, Dean.”

“Are you sure? From what I’ve heard about your old man, it’s possible his train got off the rails a long while ago?”

Castiel nods.

“I’m certain. I want to do this.”

Dean sighs, but then leans to the side to pull out a GPS. “Just put up the address and we’ll get there.”

Castiel smirks. “I thought Sam said you would rather die than use a GPS?” he asks jokingly.

“If you ever tell him, you can get yourself to school for a month,” Dean says, pointing up a finger to warn him before he grumbles something else that sound an awful lot like ‘wouldn’t wanna drive us off the road while looking at a map’, and Castiel has to agree with that part.

“Of course I would never, Dean,” Castiel assures him playfully. It’s really weird, because half a year ago he wouldn’t even have been able to have a normal conversation with Dean. Now he’s teasing the guy? It’s weird to see just how much he’s loosened up because of what all happened.

Especially, it’s great to know that Dean isn’t one who takes distance after knowing about Castiel’s sexuality.

Castiel realizes he’s staring at Dean until the guy clears his throat.

“Cas, buddy, I know I’m a piece of art, but if you don’t write down that address soon I might be getting us the complete wrong way.”

“Oh, right…”

 

They arrive two hours after getting their direction. It’s not too far, only a few little towns removed from theirs. The streets are filled with people on their way to work, or to do some groceries. Castiel watches them as they drive them by, and wonders if one day he’ll be like them. A father, doing some shopping to have food in the house while the kids are at school. With a handsome, amazing husband by his side, kissing him when he gets home from work. Or when Castiel gets home from work? Maybe they could have a cat, or a dog… Hell, even a bird would be great.

“You nervous?” Dean asks.

“Beyond belief,” Castiel responds. He’s unaware of Dean looking at him, instead looking at the houses and trying to spot the right one.

“You’re crazy brave, Cas. You know that, right?”

Castiel turns to look at Dean, offering him a smile.

“Thank you,” Castiel returns. He wonders if he’s imagining Dean’s eyes going to his lips for a short second before he turns back to the road. Yeah, no, there’s no way that’s real.

Once the GPS announces that they’ve arrived, Castiel takes in the house in front of him. It looks rather nice, and not too big. Luckily, it also looks well cared for, meaning that the person inside can’t still be drunk more often than not, right?

Or, and Castiel failed to consider this part beforehand, Charles moved since the last time Castiel was made aware of his address. It was given to them when he was very young, but up until now he never really thought about going here.

“So this is where you lived?” Dean asks, leaning to Castiel’s side to look at the building.

“Actually, no, Charles moved in with Aunt Amara,” Castiel explains. “At least, that’s what Anna told me.”

“You have an Aunt? Why didn’t she take you in?”

Castiel shrugs. “She, uh... she was in prison for a crime she didn't commit. By the time she got out, she figured it was better this way.”

He lets out a long, nervous breath before nodding. He can do this. Just ring the bell and hope that Charles hasn’t moved. Hope it so hard.

Before Castiel can open the door, Dean’s hand is suddenly on Castiel’s arm.

“Hey,” he says, stopping Castiel in his movement. When he turns around, Dean’s green eyes are looking into Castiel’s. A shiver passes through him at the idea of being looked at. He’s not sure he’s imagining Dean looking down at his mouth once again. No, it’s probably just in his mind.

“Yes?” Castiel asks, aware that the tension is strong. He wonders if Dean’s aware that he’s slowly leaning forward into Castiel’s space. When Castiel pulls his head back slightly, Dean seems to blink awake from whatever train of thought he had.

“Uh, good luck,” he then says. The hand that is still lingering on his arm moves up to his shoulder, and Dean pats it awkwardly. After that, he turns back around and grips the steering wheel tightly. “I’ll, uh, wait here. If you’re going to hang around for a bit, let me know. I need to get something in town anyway.”

Castiel nods, still a bit confused and bewildered about what just happened.

“Alright, Dean,” he says, all too aware that Dean isn’t taking his eyes off the street in front of him. “Thank you.”

Castiel doesn’t wait for a response. He opens the door, gets out, and marches towards the house with a self-assurance he’s never had before. True to his word, Dean waits at the side of the road. Castiel catches him pulling out his phone, probably to look around a bit on the internet. It’s good he’s got at least something to keep him busy.

He tries not to think about Dean anymore. Once he stands in front of the door with the large number ‘100’ on it, he takes a deep breath before holding up his hand.

The doorbell sounds like any regular bell. He would almost have expected some sort of dark tune or anything like in the movies. He looks around at the little garden, surprised to find two plastic gnomes pretending to dig into the earth. They look a bit faded by the sun, but the garden seems well taken care of.

The door opens. The woman in front of him is completely unfamiliar. This could be Aunt Amara, but it could also just be the person they sold the house to.

“Yes?” the woman asks. Castiel takes in her appearance; brown, wavy hair, brown eyes and sharp cheekbones. She’s wearing a black dress that seems more fitting for a party rather than to just lounge around at home.

“Amara Shurley?” Castiel asks. The woman frowns, eyes darting up until they find Dean’s car on the driveway.

“Who’s asking?” she asks.

“My name is Castiel,” he returns, and now the expression on the woman’s face seems to change to surprise. Her mouth falls open as a soft ‘oh’ escapes through her breath.

“You’re Chuck’s kid,” she says. Castiel nods. They both just stare, then, unaware of what they’re supposed to do next. “I suppose you’re here to see him?”

Once again, Castiel nods. Amara looks sad for a moment.

“You look so much like your mother,” she says, reaching out a hand until it touches Castiel’s cheek. Unknowingly, he leans into the touch. When she pulls back, she takes a step to the side and allows him entrance. “Come on in.”

Castiel listens. He waits for her to close the door behind him. When she offers to hang up his coat, he hands it to her.

“Mara, who was it?” he hears somebody in another room.

“It’s for you!” she calls back out. There’s some grumbling and shifting in the room, followed by footsteps.

“For me? Don’t tell me it’s Brian because I really don’t-“ Charles Shurley stops talking once he gets in the hallway and his eyes meet Castiel’s.

“Hello, father,” Castiel says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose Dean should be glad that he's a family friend, otherwise the Singer-Harvelles wouldn't have taken it lightly that he ran off with their boy. Luckily, they don't mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Charles Shurley looks nothing like the man Castiel imagined. Too young to ever really remember his father much before, Castiel sees him stand in front of him, surprisingly young and sober. Clean, lacking a smell of alcohol, with hair cut neatly and a trimmed beard. He’s wearing a white shirt and jeans.

“Castiel,” he says. Castiel isn’t sure how Charles recognized him so easily, but he figures that a father would recognize his son. Maybe Bobby even sent him pictures once in a while. “What are you doing here?”

Castiel looks down at his feet, shrugging. How can he really explain this? It’s all just so spontaneous, after all…

“I, uh, I wanted to meet you. At last.”

Charles walks up, his hands reaching up until they’re cupping Castiel’s cheeks. His blue eyes study Castiel’s face carefully, his mouth pressed together into a thin line.

“I thought I would never see you again,” Charles admits. Without any warning, the man pulls Castiel towards him into a strong hug. Almost as if on instinct, Castiel returns the embrace. His eyes are stinging, his heart racing fast. It’s almost as if he’s about to collapse. Never in his life would he have expected this to happen.

When they pull apart, Charles wipes away some tears from Castiel’s cheek before pulling him along by the shoulder. Amara follows them towards what must be the living room. She gestures for Castiel to sit before she, too, sits down on the couch opposite of him. The room they’re in looks simple, not too elaborately decorated. It seems like it’s much less to maintain, so it’s rather smart.

“Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea?”

Castiel shakes his head. “Water would be fine, thank you,” he says. Charles nods and hurries back into the kitchen. Amara just laughs.

“Chuck’s always been a bit nervous. Don’t be surprised if he starts shaking on the spot,” she says jokingly. “So how have you been?”

“I’ve been good,” he returns. “In fact, I come with something to tell you. Both of you.”

Amara’s eyebrows go up. “Ah, now I’m curious. Chuck, hurry up!”

“Cut me some slack, I can’t find any ice cubes!”

Amara rolls her eyes. “Brother, it’s winter. Castiel doesn’t want ice cubes!” she returns.

“Oh, right.”

Eventually, Charles returns while holding a glass of water. He hands it towards Castiel before handing him a plate with some cake as well.

“I hope you’re not allergic to anything?”

Castiel shakes his head, grateful to take a first bite of the cake. It tastes delicious, and he wonders who made it.

“Now, Castiel, what is it you wanted to tell us?” Amara asks with a friendly smile. Castiel almost chokes on some crumbles. He washes it away with some of the water.

“Right, yes,” he says. He puts down his glass and presses his hands together. “I’ve made the decision to tell this to my entire family, and though I might not know both of you all that well, I wanted to tell you as well.”

Amara nods while Charles waits patiently.

“And I hope that this will not change your view of me, and that you will still want to get to know me better after this.”

Neither Charles or Amara speak, so Castiel just decides to tell them.

“I’m gay.”

Amara simply blinks, but Charles shifts a bit in his seat. There’s a short silence hanging above them before Charles clears his throat.

“Alright,” he says.

“You don’t mind?”

Suddenly Amara starts laughing loudly. When she realizes her mistake, she puts her hand against her lips in an attempt to stop, but Castiel can still see her snicker.

“I’m sorry, Castiel, it’s just- Chuck here is having a little argument with his boyfriend right now so-“

“Brian is not my boyfriend, Mara,” Charles counters in annoyance.

“Yeah, as if! It’s not like the dude hasn’t been living here for the past three years already.”

“You know he hasn’t!”

Castiel watches the banter between the two siblings, feeling taken aback by the realization that his father is the same as him. Or, so he thinks, at least.

When Charles and Amara seem to remember Castiel is there, they stop their discussion.

“I’m glad you told us, Castiel,” Charles tells him, pointing towards his own chest as he opens his mouth again. “I should do the same thing, too. I’m bisexual.”

“Bisexual?” Castiel asks in surprise.

“Yeah, with him you never know what to expect him bringing home,” Amara jokes before pressing her lips together. “Uhm, right, this probably isn’t the best thing to bring up to your son. I get it.”

When Castiel’s phone starts ringing in his pants he gestures in apology to the two adults before turning around a bit and pick up.

“Yes, Dean?” he asks.

“ _Heya, Cas, you sticking around there or do you need rescuin’? If it’s the latter, just say ‘okidoki’ and I’ll come knocking.”_

Castiel casts a quick look at his father and Aunt before smiling.

“I’m fine, Dean. Thank you for helping me. Just go get that thing you wanted to get at that store.”

“ _Alright, I’ll pick you up in an hour or so?”_

“Perfect. Bye.”

“ _Bye, Cas.”_

After that, he hangs up. Castiel puts his phone aside, giving his family a friendly grin.

“Can I know more about you, as well?” he asks. Amara and Charles give each other a quick look before smiling.

“Of course, kiddo,” Charles says. And then his Aunt and father start talking.

 

By the time Dean comes ringing the doorbell, Castiel has learned so many things about his father that he never would have thought. So as it turns out, Chuck did agree to get clean after Castiel and Anna were taken away. Once he succeeded, so much time had already passed and he figured it would have been cruel to try and take them away from their current families so he never tried. Instead he decided to become a writer, writing some low-selling books about two brothers hunting around the world. He moved back in with his sister until he fell in love with a girl. He and the girl – Becky – shortly lived together before the two of them decided it was enough.

After Becky, there was this Brian Chuck now still seems to dance around with. According to Amara, the two are practically already married. Chuck kept on being annoyed by his mention.

When it comes to Aunt Amara, it turns out she never really found somebody she fell in love with. She prefers to be alone, and owns a small shop where she sells ‘souls’, which are some sort of art-work she makes with dark sand and glass.

The moment they hear the bell ring, Castiel immediately realizes that he should be heading home at last. Surely, he has worried Ellen enough as it is.

He feels great. Sure, there’s a strong chance that he might have lose Wind as his best friend and possible boyfriend, but the fact that he got to meet his father, and that they don’t differ all that much… Castiel still can’t believe his family is so great.

“Hi, I’m Dean. I’m here to pick up Castiel?” he hears Dean say when Aunt Amara went to open the door.

“Oh, you must be the boyfriend?” she asks excitedly. Then she turns towards Castiel, who is already on his way over, mouthing something in the likes of ‘wow’ before winking at Castiel. He, in turn, finds his face reddening as he takes his coat back from the hanger.

“Dean is not my boyfriend,” Castiel corrects her. “He’s a good friend who agreed to help me out.”

Dean points towards the street behind his back. “That, and I needed to hit the shop so it’s not like I just drove over without there being anything in it for me.”

“Riiiiiiiight,” Amara says, turning back towards Castiel and winking at him. Castiel just rolls his eyes before turning back towards Chuck.

“Father, Aunt, I’m so grateful that you’ve allowed for me to get to know you two better. I hope we could do this again soon.”

Chuck hugs Castiel gently before passing his hand through Castiel’s hair. Amara’s hug is a lot stronger.

“You’re always welcome in our house, son.”

They say their goodbyes. Once Dean’s car starts driving them away, Castiel waves at Chuck and Amara, who are doing the same thing. He feels a strong sense of relief, and as the house starts disappearing in the distance, he lets out a loud breath and finds himself smiling.

“So, how was it?” Dean asks.

“It was perfect,” Castiel returns. He tilts his head slightly to Dean’s direction. “How was it at your end?”

Dean sighs before stopping the car. Castiel frowns. They don’t have a flat tire, do they? Castiel hadn’t noticed anything about their drive so far.

“Listen, Cas, there’s something I need to tell you,” Dean finally says. Castiel blinks twice before nodding. He’s listening. He’s always listening.

He tells Dean as much. Dean simply bites his lip.

“I’m g-“

But he never gets to finish his sentence. The ringing of Dean’s phone fills the air, disturbing Dean’s sentence. Dean sighs, closing his eyes for a few seconds before picking the thing out of his jacket. Castiel watches him calmly.

“Dean Winchester here,” Dean says once he picks up. “Bobby?”

Dean turns to look at Castiel before humming.

“Yeah, I’ll pass him on. Hold on.”

Dean hands Castiel his phone. He starts driving again once Castiel has the phone pressed against his ear.

“Yes?” he asks, just a slightly bit annoyed that Dean got interrupted when he was about to say something that clearly bothers him a lot to keep quiet.

“ _Castiel, son, where are you headed to now?”_

“Back home,” Castiel responds shortly before realizing it’s probably too short. “I’m coming back home.”

He notices Dean glance at him shortly and he gives him a quick nod. Dean nods as well before turning back to the road.

“ _Good, good. I’m glad to hear that. Did you find what you were lookin’ for?”_

Castiel smiles slightly. “Yes, Bobby. I did.” Then he sighs. “I’m sorry that I scared you and Ellen when I disappeared. Thank you for not freaking out on me.”

“ _We knew you needed a moment. Other students are just jerks. I wish they wouldn’t get to you like they did…”_

“I know.” A deep breath. Then he continues. “But I have my friends, and they would never let anything happen to me.”

“ _Jo said Dean got those two. Did he also mention he got suspended for the following week?”_

Castiel glances at Dean. “No, he failed to mention that. But I’m still grateful that he helped me.”

“ _As am I, son. You and Dean be home on time for dinner?”_ When Castiel passes along the question to Dean, he shrugs.

“I should get home, but I’ll get you there on time,” Dean tells him. Castiel tells Bobby, and after one more minute of arranging things he hangs up the phone. He suddenly notices the background picture on Dean’s picture. It’s one of the group-photos of the Halloween party. There’s Sam dressed as the devil, Jessica as an angel. Charlie as Black Widow hanging over Dorothy’s shoulder, Dorothy dressed as the Wicked Witch. There’s Benny, Inias, Victor, Jo, and in the middle there’s Dean with his arm thrown over Castiel’s shoulder.

“I like this picture,” Castiel tells Dean. He catches Dean smile as well.

“So do I,” he returns. Castiel waits for a bit longer, until Dean continues what he was about to tell him before Bobby interrupted, but nothing comes from his friend. He doesn’t dare to bring it up, either. Instead, he looks down at the picture for a little bit more before locking the screen and putting the phone aside.

Now that there’s silence in the car, he notices the music playing. A smile creeps up on his lips, but he keeps his mouth shut, instead enjoying the familiar sound of Imagine Dragon’s ‘Demons’ playing on the CD-player.

 

Much like Dean promised, he gets Castiel home in time for dinner. He doesn’t stick around, but Castiel could understand that. Once he arrives, he’s greeted by his parents with strong hugs before Jo jumps into his arms.

“Welcome back, C,” she whispers into his ear while squeezing his upper body so hard he almost can’t breathe.

“Glad to be back,” he assures his sister. Then, as if nothing has changed at all, they eat dinner. After Castiel explains what he went to do today, Bobby and Ellen had been silent for a short minute before assuring him that they understand why he wanted to do this, and that they’re glad he got the chance to do so. It’s not mentioned again afterwards.

Castiel heads to bed early, plugging his phone into the charger – he hadn’t brought it along so the battery’s been pretty much dead the entire day – but he doesn’t wait to see if he’s got any messages. He doesn’t particularly feel like he’s ready to read anything from Wind.

The next day Castiel gets up at ten in the morning, which is pretty late for him. Ignoring his phone on the nightstand, he heads downstairs to prepare some hot coco and sit by the TV. Saturdays are always great to relax for a bit.

But of course somebody has to ring his doorbell. Of course, Castiel is forced to exit the couch. Ellen’s at the Roadhouse, Bobby at the garage. Jo’s most probably still asleep. There’s nobody else to open the door, so Castiel shuffles towards it to let in who-ever wants to visit them.

His mouth falls open a little bit when he finds his friends standing there, holding a few bags in their hands with sheepish smiles on their faces.

“Hey, C,” Sam greets him. Castiel hesitates for a bit, leaning against the door while keeping his mug straight. It wouldn’t help to spill hot coco all over his legs, after all.

“Guys, what are you doing here?” he asks carefully. Sam looks at the others. It’s Jess who is standing in front of the others, holding up one of the bags in her hands.

“We brought snacks?” she offers. “Comfort food.”

“We’re here to have a slumber party, but during the day. Without the sleeping part,” Charlie adds to it. Much to Castiel’s surprise, Dorothy isn’t with hem. But then he remembers that Dorothy works during the weekends.

“I’ll check if Jo’s okay with it,” Castiel says before nodding at them to get in.

“It’s alright,” he suddenly hears behind him. “It was my idea.” Jo sticks out her tongue and takes the bag from Jess’ hands. “C’mon, I prepared downstairs for us.”

Downstairs, being the basement that their friends claimed as their hanging-spot, which they’ve decorated with cheap couches and posters with a cheap TV and gaming system along. It’s heated, luckily, but it’s been a while that they’ve all hung out there at the same time.

And that’s how, twenty minutes later, Castiel finds himself biting down in a croissant while listening to some story Charlie manages to bring up from Comic Con about a guy dressed up as the slave version of Leia from Star Wars. Castiel only saw those movies once so he can only vaguely recall what that’s about.

It’s all almost like nothing has changed. Nobody seems to want to bring up the elephant in the room. They’re all sitting on the pillows they’ve thrown on the ground, a cheap horror movie Sam brought along playing in the background with the occasional Jessica who shrieks in surprise whenever a jumpscare happens.

Castiel feels almost nervous about the entire conversation. He knows they’re trying to pretend like nothing happened and it’s driving him crazy.

By the time Sam gets up to take the old guitar from its stand in the corner, Castiel is about ready to jump up and run away from the nerves.

“So, Marv approached me at school yesterday,” Jessica suddenly says, and the pleasant buzz that had been going on (though extremely nerve-wrecking for Castiel) suddenly disappears. “Came to apologize to me, said he was sorry that I was pulled into all this mess.”

Castiel snorts bitterly, poking his plastic fork into his paper plate. “He’s an asshole,” Castiel mutters.

“Amen to that,” Charlie calls out, lifting up her steaming cup of coffee before taking a drink from it. The others follow with that. Castiel watches them for a minute before realizing that they’re being quiet again.

“Just ask whatever you want to ask,” he says eventually. The others look down in embarrassment, clearly taken aback by the fact that Castiel figured them out pretty easily.

“You know, the post was there but… you never really confirmed it or…?” Sam starts, rubbing the back of his neck. Castiel casts him a short look before shrugging.

“It was true. I am gay,” he says. “Those e-mails were also true.”

“So, this Wind-guy is the one from that poem Charlie couldn’t shut up about?” Jess asks, though she already knew the previous thing was a fact. Castiel is glad that she pretends to only find out about it now. He wouldn’t want to have to explain to them how he told her before telling the others.

“He is,” Castiel admits.

“And you love him?” Charlie asks. Castiel nods once again.

“I do.”

They all share a look before a giant grin appears on Charlie’s face. Then she claps her hands together, turning back at Castiel with the obvious indication that she has a plan.

“We have to find him.”

They all seem surprised when Castiel shakes his head.

“No,” he says calmly. “Wind has made it clear that he does not wish to meet me. I need to respect that choice.”

“No way!” Charlie calls out. “You’re both obviously head over heels for each other! There’s no way he _doesn’t_ want to meet you! Maybe he’s just shy!”

“Then still,” Castiel continues. “I can’t force myself on him.”

It seems to be a bit of a disappointment for Charlie that she didn’t get to perform her great plan, but Castiel is just glad that they all seem to have forgiven him. In the silence that comes up, Sam starts plucking at the guitar. Of course, Sam has no idea how to play and there’s not really a tune in what he gets out of the instrument.

After a while, Castiel heads upstairs to fetch his phone quickly. The light indicating that he has notifications is shining, but it doesn’t really do anything to him anymore. After a quick check he finds that it’s only Facebook and messenger. There’s no e-mail from Wind. He wouldn’t have expected it anyway.

Eventually, January turns into February turns into March. There’s an obvious lack of messages coming in from Wind, but at the same time it’s not like Castiel is sending him anything, either. He never responded to Wind’s last message after all.

The snow disappears, the seniors are working hard to finish their last year in style. The play gets put together slowly but surely, getting to the point where Castiel, too, manages to say his lines without needing anybody to whisper it at him.

Marv is acting weird. He keeps on staring at Castiel, but afterwards there’s nothing coming out of him. He never approaches him, never initiates any conversation. Castiel isn’t planning on starting one, either, and he’s happy to not have to talk to the guy. Instead, he goes to rehearsals and spends the following free hour joining Sam and Charlie at the bleachers to see how the football-players are preparing themselves for their final game of the year. And for the seniors, their final game of their High school career.

Dean is still hanging out with them, and so far Castiel still hasn’t managed to find out what it was that Dean wanted to tell him in the car that day. He figures that, if he isn’t telling him now, it probably wasn’t that important after all.

One day in the middle of March, before Castiel manages to get to the parking lot, he opens his locker to get his books for the next day. Much to his surprise, something falls out of his locker. It looks like it’s something in a bag, and for a short moment he’s afraid that one of the bigoted students is once again playing a prank on him. It does happen once in a while, the students remaining anonymous by running away quickly enough or just writing things down somewhere extremely public. After Dean kicked the crap out of Walt and Roy (at least, that’s the way people describe it), nobody really dares to approach Castiel anymore.

It’s a pleasant surprise to see that it’s not a prank. Instead, it feels like a piece of cloth. Pulling it out of the bag, Castiel opens up what appears to be a black t-shirt. He frowns shortly; he never wears t-shirts. Not that he doesn’t like them, but he just prefers his buttons.

A small note falls down on the ground as he tries to unfold the shirt. He kneels down to pick it up, finding it written on a simple piece of white paper.

_“I know it’s not the concert I promised, but I hope it’ll do for now. -W”_

Castiel frowns, putting the note in his locker before opening up the shirt. The first thing he notices is the rainbow on the front. It’s in a triangle, a figure in the middle. Castiel recognizes the ‘Evolve’ CD into the image. A smile creeps up on his face as he realizes what this is.

“Hey, what’s that?” Charlie suddenly asks. Castiel startles; he hadn’t heard her coming up.

“Oh, just a gift,” he says with a gigantic smirk on his face. He carefully folds the shirt back and puts it into the bag. After that, he stores it into his locker.

“A gift? A secret admirer?” Charlie asks happily. Castiel rolls his eyes.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he returns. Charlie laughs, throwing her arm over his shoulder before the two head towards their next class.

 

FROM: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: Mar 21 at 4:16  PM

SUBJECT: T-Shirt

_Wind,_

_I got the t-shirt._

_Thank you._

_\- Castiel_

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

DATE: Mar 23 at 6:22 PM

SUBJECT: Re: T-Shirt

_You’re welcome._

_\- Wind_

 

It’s obvious that it’s taking longer for Wind to return his messages. It’s indication enough that he’s stopped checking his mail daily. To be fair, Castiel has been guilty of doing the same thing. Not receiving anything for such a long time does that…

The shirt gets taken out of the bag, but remains on his desk. He doesn’t want to wear it, at one hand angry that Wind would just cowardly hang it out at his locker instead of giving it to him in person. He doesn’t store it in his closet, though, because it’s a reminder somehow. A reminder that Wind used to be a part of his life, that he knows Castiel, and in a way probably still cares.

But Castiel doesn’t send him anything. He’s too stubborn for that.

By the time their performance of the school play is due, Castiel figures he couldn’t be readier. He allows Jessica to do his make-up, looks surprised at the reaction that comes from the result. He doesn’t mention it. He’s finding himself a bit too nervous for that, and he doesn’t even have that big of a role!

“Why don’t you wear contacts more often?” Jessica asks as she tweaks Castiel’s eyeliner – the part he hates most. Castiel shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he returns. “I guess I’m just too lazy to do it in the morning.”

Jessica grins for a short moment before her face turns serious again. “Marv apologized to me. For real, this time.”

Castiel doesn’t know what to respond to that, so he doesn’t say anything.

“He’s really sorry for what he did to you,” Jess tries. Castiel pulls his face away, unable to just keep his head like this while on the conversation.

“He should say that to my face, then,” Castiel returns. Jessica sighs.

“You’re right,” she admits before nodding his way. “C’mon, let me finish up here.”

After she does, Castiel gets on the stage with the others, performing the play at his best. It’s only the final rehearsal, only in full costume this time. It’s the moment where the students who don’t have classes take the time to have a look. Not everybody can catch the play, after all.

Castiel’s not too surprised to see Sam seated there; there’s no way he would miss Jessica’s performance, after all. Jo’s next to him, along with Inias who’s leaning towards her and whispering something in her ear.

“He asked her to Senior Prom, you know?” Jessica suddenly says. They’re at the side, not exactly on the stage but just looking at the small crowd from the curtain.

“Inias?” Castiel asks, though he’s already sure he knows who she’s talking about. Jessica nods the affirmative. Castiel huffs out a breath. “Isn’t it a bit early to think about prom? It’s in two months…”

“Yeah,” Jessica returns. “Though I think it’s cute.” She smiles, her white teeth showing. Once again, Castiel is taken aback by how beautiful Jessica actually is. He can understand Sam’s infatuation on her.

“Benny asked Andrea,” Charlie suddenly adds from behind them. Castiel and Jessica turn around, finding Charlie in full costume, wearing the white wig that fits her character. Her make up makes her look extremely old, which was exactly the point. “Victor is obviously taking his girlfriend.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Dean asked Anna,” Castiel points out, looking into the crowd again, only to find the guy in question a bit further away, looking down at his phone. He looks concentrated on something. Castiel is just wondering why he’s not sitting with the others?

“Actually, I would be,” Charlie says with a grin. “I heard from good authority that Anna’s not the one Dean wants.”

“And whose authority was that?” Jessica asks playfully. Charlie shrugs.

“Dean’s,” she returns. “I’ve been telling him to get his head out of his ass and do something about it, but you know how shy he is.”

Actually, Castiel doesn’t know. He thinks Dean is the exact opposite of shy, in fact.

By the time the rehearsal is finished and Mrs. Barnes starts throwing out instructions for the actual play tomorrow, Castiel is about ready to lose the make-up. Much to his chagrin, nobody actually brought make-up remover so he’s stuck looking like this while Dean drives them all to Wendy’s.

They get their usual order, while Charlie and Jess keep on making jokes about Castiel’s new look. They constantly take pictures, including one where he – much to everybody’s surprise – flips them off. Dean almost choked on his burger by that point, and Sam wasn’t much better off.


	13. Chapter 13

“Are you certain about this?”

“Yeah, of course, it’ll be fun!”

“I’m not so sure, Charlie…”

“Ah, don’t sweat it, C, you’ll love it!”

They practically forced him to wear contacts. It’s not that Castiel minds too much, but it’s more the fact that their exact goal seemed to be to make him appear older than he is.

“Don’t worry, Castiel, I won’t let her go too crazy on you,” Dorothy assures him with a wink.

Here they are, seated in Dorothy’s car, parked not too far away from the only gay bar in the neighborhood. Castiel’s never been there – obviously – and to be honest he never really felt the need to do so. But, last week Charlie came up to him with the suggestion, and he doesn’t really know what came over him when he told her that he would come along.

Because here he finds himself now, doubting every decision he’s ever made in his life.

“Castiel, we won’t force you to go inside. Just say the word and we’ll go hang out at your basement instead,” Dorothy assures him. Castiel’s eyes meet hers through the rear mirror. He hesitates for one moment longer before shrugging.

“No, I can do this,” he says. He wants to do this. Or wants to be able to say that he took the step, that he dared to go out there. He exits the car with a strange sort of determination he has no idea where it emerged from. Fists balled tightly, he heads towards he door, quickly followed by Charlie and Dorothy, who are holding hands on their way inside. It’s a surprise nobody stops them, but Castiel failed to see any guards around the premises. Maybe they just masterly avoided them?

It’s not at all what Castiel expected. First of all, it just looks like any regular bar. He knows he’s been fooled by modern literature because he was almost expecting to see only half-naked guys and women groping each other on the spot. This is actually the exact opposite.

The people that _are_ dancing with each other are all fully dressed, not at all humping against each other. He sees a young lesbian couple giving each other a loving look, and a pair of men pecking each other on the lips before putting their heads over their shoulders to the slow dance playing in the background.

“There’s some place over there,” Charlie points out, her finger directing to the place she means. Castiel nods. He follows her to the booth, but before Castiel gets to sit down, Charlie motions for the bar.

“How about you be a gentleman and get us a drink, huh?” she jokes. Castiel rolls his eyes but still smiles.

“Of course, miladies,” Castiel jokes with a small bow before grabbing his wallet and heading to the bar. There’s a stool free, but Castiel’s not planning on sitting down. He leans against the counter, makes his order and waits for his drinks to be made. In the meantime, he takes this moment to have a look around.

The place looks really nice. There’s a saloon-y vibe on it, but at the same time very city-like. Next to the door there’s a gaming-system of a kind, where he can see one man giving up all his coins while his friends surround him.

He almost startles when he hears somebody appear up next to him.

“Good evening,” the man says. Castiel turns around, finding a sandy-blond man standing there with a quiet smile. In just those two words, Castiel noticed the heavy British accent immediately.

“Hello,” Castiel returns in a greeting. When the man smiles at him, Castiel smiles back. Just a short look at the man’s face indicates that he’s at least a few years older than him. Maybe freshly graduated from college or at the verge of doing so.

“Haven’t seen you around here before, you just moved in?”

“Not exactly,” Castiel says hesitantly. Understanding appears on the man’s face as his mouth falls open slightly.

“Ah, I understand. Recently jumped out of that closet, didn’t you?” he asks. Castiel shrugs.

“Not by my choice, but yes,” he returns. The man gives him a weird kind of look that almost looks sad before he holds out his hand.

“Name’s Balthazar,” he says. “My friends call me Balth.”

“Castiel,” Castiel reveals. Balthazar’s face lights up.

“Like an angel, I love it,” he jokes. “Say, Castiel, care to dance?”

Castiel is about to explain to him that he’s here with friends, and that he can’t just abandon them, when suddenly Charlie appears next to him to take over the orders that had just been nudged to Castiel’s direction.

“He’d love to,” she says with a wink before disappearing with both her and Dorothy’s glasses. Looking down at his own soda, he takes a quiet sip before sighing. Before he can speak up, Balthazar takes him by the hand and guides him to the dancefloor.

The music has gone from a slow dance to an energetic one. He doesn’t recognize it, but it’s pretty easy to dance along to the beat. Balthazar keeps enough of a distance between them, which Castiel appreciates. They share the occasional glance at each other, smile each time that happens, and just for once Castiel wonders if this is what it feels like? For all those characters in movies who can’t get their straight shit together for just one minute…

“So where you from?” Balthazar asks.

“Sioux Falls,” Castiel answers.

“Ah, the next town over,” he gets in return. Balthazar laughs kindly before sliding forward a bit. When his hand ends up on Castiel’s arm, his immediate reaction isn’t to pull away. It brings him a thrill he never expected.

“How long have you been out?” Castiel finds himself asking, wanting to know more about Balthazar. It’s not that he’s particularly interested in the guy, but the idea that this man wants to get to know him a bit more is at least a whole lot amazing.

Besides, nothing will happen as long as Wind doesn’t specifically tell him that he doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. The fact hat they’ve barely sent each other anything in weeks doesn’t mean anything.

Right?

“Ah, since I was fourteen,” Balthazar explains. “Which means… 8 years ago or so?”

8 years? That means Balthazar is 22 now. It’s still an age difference, but Castiel figures he won’t be getting this man in trouble anyway.

“How about you?”

Castiel shrugs. “Three months ago,” he admits.

“And it’s your first time here?”

Castiel barely even notices the hand on his arm as Balthazar gets even closer.

“Yes,” Castiel answers. He considers closing his eyes when he sees Balthazar lean forward, but right when he figures the man is about to kiss him, he realizes that he can’t. He just promised himself nothing would happen, and he intends to keep that promise.

He can’t do that to Wind, after all.

Castiel gently pushes Balthazar back by pressing his hands on the man’s chest. Balthazar seems a little bit disappointed, but not angry.

“You’re not single, are you?” he asks as if he’s figured it out.

“Not exactly,” Castiel returns. Balthazar smiles kindly before patting Castiel’s shoulder.

“C’mon, let me introduce you to some friends of mine.”

And he meets Balthazar’s college friends. He doubts he’s going to remember any of their names. By the time they learn that Castiel’s still in high school, they almost seem to want to drive him back home themselves out of fear that he’ll get in trouble by staying here.

Castiel ends up having so much fun that he’s almost disappointed when Charlie and Dorothy walk up to him and each put a hand on his shoulder.

“C, we should head back, don’t you think?” Charlie asks. Castiel grunts, leaning his head against her shoulder. “Jesus, you smell like liquor! I can’t take you home like this!”

“Don’t wanna go home,” Castiel complains. And, okay, yeah, maybe his time with Balthazar’s friend might have ended up with him drinking a few shots so quickly that he’s not really that sober anymore. Who’s going to care, anyway?

“Yeah, you wanna,” Charlie counters. She pulls at Castiel’s arm until it’s thrown over her shoulder. Then, after a short nod at the college boys, she and Dorothy start heading to the exit.

“How late is it?” he asks, feeling that it’s getting difficult to speak.

“Nearly midnight,” she says. “The party’s only starting for these kids, but sadly we’re not yet at their level.”

Castiel starts laughing while leaning up against Charlie, who grunts at the sudden weight that is added to her. Without complaining, though, she guides him to the car.

Castiel falls asleep on the ride over. He isn’t too sure where Dorothy’s driving them, but he wakes up right on time to pass his house.

“Wait!” he calls out, and Dorothy smashes the brake in her surprise. Castiel starts fighting with his seat belt while the two girls turn around to see what’s got him so spooked. “I need my t-shirt,” he mutters out.

“C, your parents are home. If they find out that you’re drunk – again – you’re really going to get it…”

“Don’t care,” he returns. He just feels the sudden strong urge to hold the shirt close this night, just to have it near him. He doesn’t want to be took far away from the only thing of Wind he has.

Castiel stumbles out of the car. He barely gets his key in the lock of the door, and when he opens it he accidentally bumps against the table. He lets out a quiet curse before taking a moment to keep his head straight.

Heh, straight. As if.

Oh, wait, focus, Castiel…

He manages to get himself up the stairs without too much issue. He’s a little bit out of breath, but much to his surprise neither Ellen nor Bobby have woken up from the ruckus he’s been making. Figuring he’s just due for good luck once in a while, he enters his room and heads directly to his desk where he takes the shirt into his hands.

He presses it against his face, taking a good sniff and smiling. Ah, Wind. Castiel gets filled with all the love he feels for him, just for one instance forgetting that they’ve barely spoken to each other in a while.

When he prepares himself to get out of his room he notices a piece of paper falling out from the shirt. He frowns, leaning down to pick it up, only to bump his head against the desk. A soft curse escapes his lips.

“C?”

Shit, somebody’s awake. Castiel looks up, finding Jo standing there in a simple sleeping shirt and shorts. She doesn’t look like she’s been asleep yet.

“Hey Jo,” Castiel manages out, but the playful look on Jo’s face is enough to realize that he’s been caught.

“You’re drunk,” she points out. Castiel shrugs.

“You gonn’ tell?” he asks.

“Nah,” she returns. “You owe me a favor, though.”

Castiel smiles at her, the note forgotten while he rubs his forehead.

“Stayin’ over at Charlie’s. Wanna come?” Castiel finds himself squinting, unable to really focus on the girl in front of him. Jo looks down at her clothes before blinking twice. Then she nods.

“Let me get some clothes,” she tells him. She hurries back to the room next to his, and Castiel waits patiently. He takes out his phone and looks if he’s got a message. He finds himself disappointed when he sees he doesn’t.

But at least he’s got the shirt. He loves the shirt. And he loves Wind. And he wants to know who Wind is. Because he wants to be able to kiss Wind. And hold his hand. And tell him he loves him in person. And shit…

With Jo’s help, they successfully manage to escape the house. Jo left a note for their parents with explanation as to where they are. Charlie and Dorothy don’t seem too surprised to find that Castiel brought his sister along.

“Ola, Jo!” Charlie salutes her. Jo smirks.

“You two seem awfully sober,” she returns. Charlie shrugs.

“The lady’s driving,” she explains. “Besides, I would be drunk, too, if college boys kept on feeding me shot after shot!”

“College boys?” Jo asks curiously. Castiel just groans, pressing his face against the t-shirt.

“Okay, what’s your deal with that shirt?” Charlie asks. “Why would you risk getting caught by your parents for it?”

“’s from my boyfriend,” Castiel mumbles happily. He can almost imagine smelling Wind, but he’s not even sure if Wind’s smell lingered on it.

“Your boyfriend?!” all three girls in the car exclaim. During the rest of the drive, he receives only questions. He’s too much in a daze to answer them, though.

 

 

Marv approaches him the day before Spring Break. Since the play is actually finished, the rest of their drama classes are filled with improvisation exercises that end up being way too funny for everybody around. With that, the atmosphere around the class is a lot more pleasant than during the stressful ‘the-play-is-almost-there”-days.

Castiel follows Jess and Charlie out of the auditorium when he suddenly hears his name being called behind him. He knows immediately who it is, and the urge to just smack his face against the wall is strong. Yet, he doesn’t. Especially when Jess and Charlie give him a worried look.

He knows Jessica and Charlie are still fuming with what Marv did to Castiel. To be honest, Castiel’s still pissed off, as well. But he’s just come to the point where he figures it’s no use to just keep on being jerks towards each other. Especially now that there’s almost only one more year to go. After that year, they’ll never have to see each other again, after all.

“Castiel, you got a minute?” Marv asks, sounding a bit out of breath. After a wave towards Jess and Charlie that they can go on without him, he turns around to face the boy that brought him so much trouble. Come to think of it, Marv’s a senior as well, isn’t he? There won’t even be one more year of having to survive him.

“The minute’s counting down, Marv,” Castiel points out when Marv seems to be taking his time to say something.

“Right, uh, listen, I wanted to apologize. I know now that it was a dick move, and I know that some people give you shit now at school.”

“They haven’t pulled any pranks on me anymore in the past week,” Castiel points out. And it’s true. Almost daily, Castiel received some sort of mockery from a select few students nobody seems to manage to identify. It goes to the simple, innocent things like ‘cASStiel loves ASS’ to actually photoshopped images of Castiel’s face on some random pornographer’s body. Castiel doesn’t really let it bother him too much, because in the end it’s still things he can ignore if he choses not to open whichever note’s being stuck on his locker this time.

And with that, Castiel is glad that this week nothing seems to have been thrown at him. That is, until Marv pulls up a note.

“Actually, they have,” he says. “Ripped it off your locker on my way here.”

Castiel raises an eyebrow before snatching the piece of paper. On it is nothing but a crappy comic written down about the adventures of Asstiel. Castiel rolls his eyes before shredding it.

“It’s just stupid pranks. Eventually, they’ll tire of it,” he says. “Now, if that’s all, I’ll be going.”

“No, don’t go,” Marv pleads, actually grabbing Castiel’s arm.

“Marv, I really don’t have anything to say to you anymore,” the boy in question returns, actually feeling himself getting annoyed.

“No, no! Listen, please!” Castiel stands still for a moment. “I didn’t know people were still assholes about this. I was angry because of the shit I got after Jess rejected me, but I never stopped to think about how this would be affecting you.”

Castiel stays silent, still not turning around.

“I just didn’t think it was that big of a deal in this current time period.”

Now Castiel does turn, glaring down at Marv with a red face.

“You didn’t _think_ it was a big deal? Since when was that even _your_ decision, Marv? Aren’t _I_ supposed to decide how and when to come out to who I choose to come out to? That was the only thing I had to choose about this entire thing, and you took that from me!”

Castiel doesn’t realize he’s screaming. Doesn’t realize a couple of people that are still on the stage are looking at their direction. He doesn’t even care.

“I had a good thing going, Marv. With Wind. Thing were good. Now he barely even speaks to me. So, fuck you, Marv, for ruining the one good relationship I had.”

Castiel storms off. Marv doesn’t move. He’s got nothing left to say to him, anyway.

 

He only finds the note when he’s cleaning his room about two weeks later. He completely forgot about it falling out of the shirt, so when he stumbles upon a piece of paper on the ground he almost throws it away.

That is, until he realizes there are numbers on it.

It’s the beginning of May. The warm weather is coming back, and the pressure at school seems to be getting higher at the idea that the seniors seem to graduate soon. They’ve only just finished spring break, and now Castiel’s trying to focus completely on the upcoming tests.

Instead of reading it, though, he puts it on his desk. He’ll look at it later, because he just has to finish this last bit of his room. Otherwise he’ll never get it cleaned. He heads towards his nightstand where he empties out the drawers and throws whatever he doesn’t need away.

“Hey, C,” suddenly comes out. Castiel looks up, smiling when he sees Sam standing at the door.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel greets his best friend. Sam doesn’t hesitate at the door, and instead heads towards Castiel’s bed, leaning against the wall. “How is your father doing?”

“He’s doing great,” Sam says happily. “So far he’s not rejecting Anna’s liver, but he’s still got a long way to go of course.”

Castiel nods in understanding. Anna actually came back home a few days ago to recover. According to her, she will still have time to finish her exams, though Castiel isn’t really all that aware of what she needs to do at college. He’ll figure that out when it’s his turn to go there.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Castiel says. After finishing with his first drawer he opens up the second one. There isn’t much in there, since Castiel rarely opens it.

“Yeah, and Dean finally got his acceptance letter for college,” Sam adds, though this time he sounds a bit sad. “Though he’s thinking of not going, says he should better work to bring home some money.”

“That’s sad to hear,” Castiel tells him truthfully. He always thought Dean would be excellent at college.

“Not forever, though, just until he’s paid off Dad’s medical bills. Though I’m sure most people who say that end up not going to college at all…”

Castiel nods in understanding. “If he still choses to do this, I’m sure Bobby would be glad to take him in fulltime. He’s the best mechanic he’s got.”

Sam smiles. “I’m sure Dean’ll be glad to hear that.”

Castiel puts down his trashcan and looks around. When his eyes stop on his closet, he figures it’s time to throw out the clothes that don’t fit. He’s sure somebody else would be happy with them. Quickly he opens it up and throws everything on his bed.

“Man, you don’t really have a lot of colors, do you? I never really thought about it.”

Castiel shrugs. “Jo once said blue’s the only color that really fits me other than black, grey or white.”

Sam hums, though if it’s in agreement or not, Castiel doesn’t know. Castiel starts up a pile with the stuff he throws out, while neatly folding up the good clothes until they’re back into the closet. Eventually, a little bit less than half ends up in a bag on which he writes ‘old clothes’ before throwing it in the hallway.

“Hey, Cas, what’s this?” suddenly comes from where Sam is. The guy had been walking around the room for a while before sitting at Castiel’s desk. When Castiel looks at him, he finds Sam holding up a piece of paper.

The little note.

“Uh, I don’t know, I found it on the floor but I’ll read it later. It’s probably from Ellen or Bobby or something.”

Sam scrunches his eyebrows together before looking back at the note. Then he shakes his head.

“I’m pretty sure this isn’t from your parents.”

Castiel sighs, dropping his current task, which was throwing away the paper. He intends on throwing that note along in the box. Quickly he grabs it from Sam’s hand and starts reading it.

_P.S. I’m sure you have no idea how the world stands still whenever you smile. I love it when you look happy, I love it when our eyes meet. I love every moment we talk, hang out. I love the ocean I see in your eyes, and all I want to do is touch your hair again and again. Don’t you dare think that I don’t think you’re beautiful, because you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, Cas._

_\- W_

Castiel catches his breath. There’s a phone number. There’s an actual number written down underneath the message. This note, it fell out of the shirt. That night when he was drunk. It’s a vague memory but…

Shit, is this really true? Did he have Wind’s phone number the entire time? Did he just never know about it?

“C, I think you should call him,” Sam urges on.

“What? No way!” Castiel counters quickly, though unable to take his eyes off the beautiful handwriting Wind has. He noticed it on the other note as well, but this time there’s so much more written. The word ‘love’ bringing an extremely happy feeling into his stomach.

“Why not? I’m really extra sure that this is the best thing you should do,” Sam continues. Castiel finally puts the note down and marches to the other side of the room, his hands in his hair.

“I can’t, I- we haven’t sent each other anything for weeks! The entire time I had his number, and I never contacted him! He’s probably thinking that I don’t want anything to do with him anymore! He probably moved on”

“C, stop stressing. I promise you that this will not end up badly,” Sam finally concludes, grabbing Castiel’s arms and gently shaking him.

“A-alright,” Castiel says. He pulls out his phone, getting up the notepad to start typing down the number until he hesitates again. “Or…”

“Or?”

“Or I’ll do it my way.”

Castiel puts away the notepad and instead starts up Gmail. There isn’t any mail for him, but he doesn’t care. Furiously, he starts typing something down.

 

FROM: thurdaymorning@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: May 4 at 6:12 PM

SUBJECT: Us.

_Wind,_

_I’m not sure how to write this down. I’m telling myself I’ll write this down in one go without changing anything about it, but I know that’s not going to be the case, because I’m nervous as hell about you reading this and I’ll tweak some stuff anyway._

_First of all, I know it’s been a while. All this time I felt a bit bitter that you never sent me anything, but eventually I realized that this thing goes both ways and I could have taken that first step, too. So I’m not angry, just sad that I never took this step sooner._

_In the past few weeks, all I did in bed was re-read our messages. There’s a lot of stuff we told each other that I would never even dare to mention to my other friends. And there’s a lot of stuff you told me, which makes me say that I know who you are._

_Not in the literal sense. I have no idea who you are in person, but what I do know is who you are AS a person. You’re kind, gentle, caring, and you’re incredibly smart. I know you keep on saying that I outrank you a lot on that subject, but if I’m honest I wouldn’t have the slightest idea about cars or anything else mechanic you deal with. You’re not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. And I know that these past few months might have possibly been horrible to both of us, but I’m not ready to let this go._

_I know that you pretend to hate cake but in fact enjoy it rather well. I know that you used to give away the last of your Lucky Charms because you couldn’t stand the disappointment in your brother’s eyes when he heard there wasn’t a bowl’s worth left. I know that you have such a big heart that deserves to be loved in return._

_I don’t think I have ever been good at expressing how I feel whenever we talked. Not because I’m bad at it, but mostly because never before have I ever felt like this. Like my heart is about to jump out of my chest, like my legs are about to give out. When I’m alone, I whisper out your name just to imagine you’re close. I want to be able to hold your hand, kiss your lips. I want to be the one that can bring you comfort, pleasure, anything you want._

_I love you, not because it was bound to happen. I love you because everything YOU decided to do, write, made me fall. When we flirt, when we suggest doing our "R-rated" things that somehow still make me feel a bit self-conscious sometimes._

_I don’t want to meet you just to meet you. I want to be with you, stay with you, be known as your boyfriend and have you known as MY boyfriend. I want to go on a date, go to concerts with you. I even would love to be your date for senior prom, if you’d have me._

_So, to finish off this message, I’ll remind you that there’s this carnival I’m going to today with some friends. It’s close to the park where you mentioned you got your hot dogs from all the time when you were a kid. It stays open until ten, and I know it’s kind of last-minute, but I’ll be there at six thirty._

_If, by any chance, you feel the same way I feel, don’t hesitate to find me walking around with the group of people you probably know to associate with me. I hope you’ll be there._

_With much love,_

_Castiel_.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but a lot happens! :D :D

Castiel is a bundle of nerves the entire time.

It’s Dorothy who picks them up since Dean passed along to Sam that he isn’t going. Jessica will go there on her own, as well. Jo, Sam and Castiel sit in the back while Charlie and Dorothy argue over the music playing.

It should be a funny moment, but Castiel can’t stop twitching his leg, rubbing his hands together nervously.

“Relax, C, I’m sure he’ll be there,” Sam assures him. Of course, Sam told the others immediately once the e-mail was sent. Told them that they should help him look for this Wind, all of them equally as curious as Castiel to find out who he is.

But Castiel isn’t sure that he’ll come. He isn’t even sure that Wind will read it. For all he knows, he’ll only see the message tomorrow or next week! By then, the carnival will already be gone and the whole stupid thing would have been for nothing. Castiel can’t just call him up after that. He would feel too embarrassed.

“I bet he’ll be a football player,” Charlie says playfully, though there’s this tone in her voice that Castiel just can’t place at all, as if she knows something Castiel doesn’t. It’s really annoying, especially when he’s been noticing that in his friend for a little while now.

“No way, he’s probably a nerd like our Cassie here,” Jo counters teasingly.

“It could be Gavin? Or Samandriel?” Dorothy suggests. Sam stays quiet with a little smile on his lips.

“Mr. Crowley’s son? No way. And neither could it be Samandriel!”

“Why not?”

“Because, young padawan, Gavin McLeod has a girlfriend all the way back in Scotland, and Samandriel has two living parents!”

“Then who else do you suggest?” Jo asks, clearly getting a bit annoyed by Charlie’s method of thinking.

“Oh, I have my suspicions, but I’d rather keep it a secret just so you’ll all be extremely surprised when we find out.”

“Can we just stop talking about my love life for a moment?” Castiel feels the need to beg. He’s about ready to jump out of his skin, it’s not normal anymore. The little note is tucked into his coat, the number close. Just in case something happens and he needs to call him.

“Right,” Jo says before smiling at him. “Loving the shirt, by the way. I didn’t know you had band merch?”

“It’s a gift from his boyfriend,” Charlie sings happily. There’s a soft whisper coming from Dorothy, telling her to stop teasingCastiel this much.

“Oh, then of course you’re wearing it,” Jo returns. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you in a t-shirt.”

Castiel smiles gently before looking back out the window. His hands are around his phone at all time, so he could feel it when he gets a new message. There haven’t been any answers from Wind, but Castiel isn’t losing hope just yet.

“We’re here,” Dorothy eventually says, and Castiel doesn’t think he’s ready for it. He hesitates for a few seconds while the others all step out with ease. When Sam goes to open up the door for him, Castiel almost wants to ask to just get him back home again.

He should never have sent that e-mail.

“C’mon, C, you won’t find him in here,” Sam jokes. Castiel groans but listens as he puts his feet out of the car. There’s a short walk to the carnival, which is filled with many people eating some cotton candy or corn dogs. There’s places where people shoot at ranges, places where kids can fish for ducks, and even a lot of food stalls or ice cream vendors.

Everybody wants to go in everything, though after pointing out that the Ferris Wheel is a no-go, they all avoid it wisely. They’re eventually joined by Inias, Victor and Benny, which makes their number uneven. As if on agreement, Castiel’s the one who gets to go alone in everything, in the slight chance that Wind might show up and suggest sitting together.

But Wind doesn’t show up. And it ends up with Castiel riding a lot of these rides together. Not that he minds the solitude too much, but by the time it’s 9:45 in the evening he feels a little bit embarrassed at being stood up like that.

There could be a lot of reasons; it’s getting too dark to be seen, Wind saw the mail too late, he’s out of town, working… There are also a few more disturbing thoughts that involve Wind not wanting him at all. Castiel tries to ignore those as much as he can.

The group splits apart after a while. Sam and Jess go together to some of the shooting games. Jo drags Inias along to get something to eat. Charlie and Dorothy claim to want to go back to the spinning attraction that had made Castiel feel extremely nauseous.

Benny finds Andrea, while Victor meets up with Julie as well. It goes on until he gets to the point where he stands alone, looking at the last ride he hasn’t gone in since he got here.

Is this a good idea? This is the last place he’ll find Wind?

A short look at his watch. It’s not like he’s going to show up now, anyway. Castiel hands in his ticket and takes place at the free little cabin that is about to bring him up high in the sky.

He doesn’t know what he was thinking. He got that shirt weeks ago. That note came from back then. It’s possible that, in the time that Castiel never bothered to talk to him, Wind gave up on him. He’s probably just wasting his time around here.

“Cas, wait up!”

Castiel looks up, surprised upon being called out. When he finds Dean coming his way, he opens up the little gate to his cabin and allows Dean inside.

“Dean, I didn’t know you were coming to the carnival?” he asks in confusion. Dean shrugs, sitting down. He sounds a bit out of breath, too, as if he’s been running here.

“Wasn’t planning on going,” he gets out. He leans against the back of the cabin, eyes stuck on the ceiling. When he seems to nervously grip the bar as soon as the Ferris Wheel starts to move, Castiel frowns.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. Dean huffs out a nervous breath.

“’m not too fond of heights,” he admits.

“Then why on Earth would you go on this thing?” Castiel almost calls out. He leans to the side, wanting to call the ride operator to tell him to get them back down, but it seems like they’re already quite a bit up.

“Because… I…” Dean can’t finish whatever he wants to say. When he looks away from the ceiling long enough, he notices the t-shirt Castiel is wearing. “You’re wearing it.”

Castiel glances at his upper body shortly before shrugging. “Yes,” he says.

“Imagine Dragons is nice,” Dean huffs out. His eyes never leaving Castiel’s, who just stares right on back. Dean’s acting weird, and Castiel has no clue why? Why would he go on a ride that scares the crap out of him? Why is he breathless? Why is he staring at him like that?

It hits him like a train, unknowing and surprising. It goes back all the way to one mail he got, after it was revealed who he was. It was a name that Wind put down in his text. His notes.

A name only one person ever calls him.

 _Cas_.

“It’s you,” he breathes out, gripping the bars of the edge as well now.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I almost didn’t see the mail.”

Castiel shakes his head, too dumbfounded to really grasp the reality of the situation here. Because there’s no way, no possible way that it’s him, right? Dean’s straight, Castiel saw enough proof of that. He likes girls, he wants girls…

But more and more, he manages to connect things from Wind’s mails to Dean’s. The dead mother, the little brother, being a senior, the music… There are many things that just connect, and Castiel realizes that he made the connection a long while ago, but always believed it to be too good to be true.

“You’re disappointed,” Dean states, sounding sad as well. Castiel breath catches and he almost jumps up. The cabin rocks because of the movement, and Dean closes his eyes in sudden fear while his hands turn white from gripping the bars too tightly.

“I’m not disappointed!” Castiel calls out. “How could I be disappointed? I’ve liked you since I was fourteen!”

Dean looks up, carefully. “You did?” he asks.

Castiel nods, smiling widely at him.

“So you have a half-brother,” he points out. Dean laughs nervously.

“I do,” he says. “His name is Adam. Sam and I met him last month.”

Castiel takes in the name. He wants to know everything about Dean. Everything he doesn’t know, that is.

“I also work at your dad’s place,” he continues. Castiel laughs. Without realizing it, he’s been shuffling closer to where Dean is seated. Dean, too frozen in place, stays where he is. “I’m surprised you didn’t know. I’ve barely been subtle about anything.”

“There were suspicions, but… when I found you at Inias’ party…”

Dean laughs sadly. “Yeah, not my proudest moment. The entire time I was thinking about just pulling you along to the room, but I was afraid.”

“Afraid people would know you’re gay?”

Dean shakes his head. “Afraid you wouldn’t want me.” He sighs. “I’ve known you were Jimmy from the start. There’s the way you talk, it’s identical to the way you write. Or, I thought I knew. I was mostly hoping it, I guess.”

“You’re joking?” Castiel is now sitting right next to Dean, though his eyes sometimes dare to look out of the cabin. Dean’s are never leaving Castiel’s. He looks tense. “Where did ‘Wind’ come from, then?”

Dean laughs. “I thought that was the most obvious part,” he says. “Win D, Winchester Dean. 124 stood for my birthday, January 24th?”

Castiel’s mouth falls open in understanding. Holy shit, now that he thinks of it, it was really _really_ obvious. He almost wants to smack his face against the rails. Instead, he startles when Dean’s hand detaches from the bars and reaches for Castiel’s face. He gently caresses his cheek with his thumb, and Castiel leans into the touch.

“I always thought I would be too scared to do anything about this,” Dean whispers. Castiel lets out a shaky breath, leaning forward even more. Dean’s face is so close to his, now. Just a little bit more. Castiel closes his eyes once their noses touch.

“I don’t want to wait anymore,” Castiel whispers to him. Dean snorts.

“Neither do I,” he returns. Then Castiel feels Dean’s mouth against his own. At last, it’s there; their lips pressed together in a soft, gentle kiss. Dean’s hand is still on his cheek, and Castiel moves up to Dean’s chest. Never, for once in his life, has he imagined this would ever happen. Sure, he dreamt about it, but the expectation of it was never actually _real_.

Yet, here he is, sitting on a Ferris Wheel, kissing the boy he’s been in love with since forever. Castiel lets out a soft chuckle at the realization that this was all probably just meant to happen eventually.

Then, suddenly, he pulls back. “Wait, who was that best friend you tried to kiss?” he asks curiously. Dean’s face turns red.

“Benny,” he answers truthfully. “But he’s cool with it.”

“And you told Sam,” Castiel continues. Dean nods happily.

“Yeah,” Dean continues before leaning forward once more to capture Castiel’s lips again. Castiel just hums against him, unwilling to ever let go of him.

He has no idea how long they stay like this. By the time their cabin comes to a halt, the little gate opens and the man tells them the ride’s over. Castiel leans up against Dean, a bit annoyed that the kiss got interrupted. Dean just lets out a relieved breath and grabs Castiel’s hand.

“C’mon, we still have time for one more thing and I’m going to win you something like a good boyfriend would.”

Castiel smiles at him, allowing to be pulled along through the carnival until they get to the shooting range Castiel saw Sam and Jessica last. Dean hands in a couple of bills and gets handed a gun. Then, he throws a wink Castiel’s way and positions himself.

In any other circumstances, Castiel would be dreaming about how beautiful this boy next to him is. Right now, though, he’s still in shock about the casual use of ‘boyfriend’ that came out of Castiel.

Dean hits every target. When he hands Castiel a small Captain America plushie, Castiel feels his cheeks redden. They walk along the closing carnival, taking in the evening air. There’s a decent amount of space between then, and Castiel hates it. He would rather just lean up against him, maybe put his head on his shoulder. Do something couples do, maybe?

“You went on the Ferris Wheel for me,” Castiel suddenly points out as he looks at the lights dimming on the ride. Dean huffs out a nervous breath.

“Yeah, I did. I must really like you,” he teases. Castiel blinks at him, his right hand holding on to the plushie he got.

“Can I hold your hand?” he asks, then. There’s still a large amount of people walking around here, making their way out of the carnival. Castiel doesn’t want to assume, so he keeps his hands to his own.

“I would be insulted if you didn’t,” Dean jokes. Castiel smiles when he feels fingers glide up over his wrist, until they’re holding on to each other so tightly that it almost feels like they would never let go of each other.

 

To say that their friends are ecstatic when they find out is putting it mildly.

Like a pack of vultures, they’re all waiting at the parking lot. The Impala is parked close to Dorothy’s car, though Castiel doesn’t remember Dorothy parking it there when they arrived. Also, the grin on their faces is indication enough that they’ve been waiting for this.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes! It finally happened! Yeeeeeeess!” Charlie calls out, almost falling on her knees as she cries in relief. Everybody starts laughing, though Castiel can only frown.

“I’m sorry, you knew?” he asks in confusion. A lot of the people nod.

“I saw that shirt lying around in the house for a few weeks before he finally gave it to you,” Sam points out. “He bought it when he took you to meet your dad. If I hadn't told him to check his mail, he probably would have missed it.”

“Sam told me,” Jess says.

“Jess told me,” says Jo. “Though, in our defense, We've only known since today.”

“We’ve known for months,” Benny says, pointing at himself, Victor and Inias. The three grin proudly at their best friend, and Dean only rolls his eyes.

“His e-mail was a big give-away,” Charlie says. “I, in contrary to these noobs, figured it out on my own.”

“Hey, I found out with the shirt!” Sam counters.

Castiel feels ready to slap his forehead. Dean just grunts.

“You’re all idiots,” the older Winchester says before unlocking his car. “I trust you’ll be getting my brother home?”

“What? You’re ditching me?” Sam asks, pretending to be affronted by the comment.

“Don’t pretend like you weren’t going to sleep over at Jess’ place,” Dean counters. Sam grumbles a bit in defeat.

“I mean, yeah, but you shouldn’t assume.” Charlie pats the younger Winchester on his shoulder to comfort him. Castiel just bites his lips.

“But if you knew, why didn’t you ever say anything?” he asks, a bit hurt that they wouldn’t help him with it when it was obvious that it was bothering him.

“And out Dean before he was ready?” Charlie says. “You of all people should know that’s not the way to go.”

And she has a point. Castiel lowers his gaze in embarrassment, though startling when Dean suddenly wraps an arm over his shoulder.

“Now, not that this wasn’t fun, but I have an empty home, and I intend to bring my boyfriend over. So, if nobody has anything interesting to say, we’ll be off.”

“Fuck you, too, Jerk,” Sam laughs. Dean flips him off, though with a smirk on his face.

“Bitch,” he returns. After a short look at Castiel, the younger boy nods and follows Dean into the car. He takes place on the front seat, ignoring the group of friends that is still lingering around them. Benny, Inias and Victor give each other a high five.

Castiel smiles when he hears Imagine Dragons play in the car.

“You bought this one that day as well, didn’t you?” he asks. Dean nods with a blush on his face.

“Yeah, it was weird because I was afraid to tell you so I tried to use the music instead. I didn’t really work out.”

“What were you about to tell me that day?” Castiel tries, remembering that moment in the car when Bobby’s phone call interrupted them. Dean starts up the engine of the car, not looking at Castiel. When his hand seems to rest on his leg, Castiel reaches out for it and links their fingers together.

“I was kind of going to come out to you,” he admits. “If I couldn’t tell you I was Wind, I thought I could at least drop you a hint. I know, I work in strange ways.”

Castiel smiles, waiting for Dean to drive onto the road before pulling his hand to his face and gently kissing his knuckles.

“I love you, anyway,” he admits to him. Dean stiffens only for a short second before a smile creeps up on his face.

“I love you, too,” he says.


	15. Chapter 15

_One year later_

 

“ _Guess who asked Hans to the dance.”_

“I have no idea.”

“ _Rachel Heathsky!”_

“No way, that girl from art class?”

“ _Yeah, apparently, she kind of had a thing for him before his transition, but she never really dared to mention it.”_

Castiel chuckles a bit.

School’s changed in the past year. Not too much, obviously, but enough for it to make a difference.

With the sudden rise of people coming out at their school, Castiel and Charlie are far from being the only gay people walking around there. As a matter of fact, neither of them was even too surprised to find out that Samandriel admitted to be bisexual at the last day of school. The combination of that and the revelation that Dean Winchester is batting for the other team as well seems to have brought in a lot of inspiration in the entire school.

It started with the confessions page on Tumblr, where more and more people started dropping hints that they might like the same gender. Other people, who don’t have sexual identity troubles, put their actual worries about their own personal lives more and more as well. There’s less the gossip of ‘person A fucked person B behind the bleachers’ and more stuff like ‘I want to become a singer but my parents want me to go to medical school like they did’ or the sorts.

As it is, returning to school after summer break made it clear this last year at high school was going to be an interesting one.

“Well, I’m glad for him,” Castiel says to the phone against his ear. Charlie is on the other side of the line, the girl getting herself ready as well. Castiel is far from being dressed, but that’s not too much of a surprise, really. “I felt bad for, you know, not really reciprocating his feelings when he finally admitted them.”

That had been awkward. Hans had approached him the day after the carnival, and Castiel tried his best to be gentle with him. He felt bad, obviously, but he just didn’t feel the same. Not when his heart was already given away to somebody else.

“ _Yeah, well, looks like things are looking up for him now. He’s heading to San Francisco after graduation. Following some sort of art program there.”_

“That’s nice,” Castiel returns. His eyes fall onto the picture hanging next to his bed; it’s taken at the first Comic Con he’s ever been to. Charlie got him back into his Winter Soldier outfit and forced Dean into his Captain America suit. It’s safe to say a lot of pictures were taken of them.

The best part; Castiel actually got to meet Chris Evans. He’d been freaking out the entire day, but the actor seemed to have been delighted to meet him. At least, that’s what it looked like. Surely, the man is just friendly to all of his fans.

“ _So, you ready for the final prom of our lives?”_

Castiel turns his head to the side, seeing Dean lying next to him with his phone in front of him. He’s scrolling down on Facebook, clearly not listening to the conversation Castiel is having. They’re both in an equal state of undress. Maybe in need of a shower, too… Oops.

“Uh, yes, just need to put on my tie,” he lies. He hears Dean snort next to him. So the sneaky bastard _is_ listening in.

“ _Yeah, as if. Don’t let his sex-addicted ass make you late for it,”_ Charlie jokes.

“What if it’s _my_ sex-addicted ass that makes us late?” Castiel counters, and now Dean is laughing in earnest. He puts down his phone and turns to the side to put is hands on Castiel’s side. Castiel leans forward until his face is pressed against Dean’s neck.

“ _TMI, Cas. I don’t need to know who does what!”_

That’s a lie. They often try to find it out. Castiel nor Dean just ever tell them because they figure it’s none of their business. Besides, it’s also kind of funny to hear them guess and speculate.

“Don’t lie, you’re all way too interested in my sex-life,” Castiel counters. Dean’s hand moves from his side to the phone, plucking it out of Castiel’s hand.

“Charlie, hey, hi, nice to hear from you, too. If you don’t mind, Cas and I still have some unfinished business to attend to, you know, before getting ready. You mind us getting back to that?”

Castiel hides his face away against Dean’s chest, laughing at the imagination of Charlie’s face filled with horror.

“Yeah, you’re the best,” Dean answers to whatever Charlie responds. “Yeah, see you soon. Buh-bye.”

After that, Dean ends the call and drops Castiel’s phone next to his on the nightstand.

“Now, how about we continue from where we were so rudely interrupted?” Dean asks playfully. Castiel laughs as Dean leans over him. He puts his hands on his boyfriend’s face and pulls him closer to kiss him again.

“Castiel, Dean, you two better be changing now ‘cause I want to take pictures before I leave!”

Dean groans, lowering his head next to Castiel’s on the pillow.

“Can’t we just catch _one_ break? Goddamnit.” Dean pulls back, getting on his feet while dragging Castiel along with him. “I’ll start up the shower, alright?”

Castiel nods, getting one more kiss before Dean disappears to the bathroom, not even bothering to cover up.

This past year has been crazy. What with Dean staying in Sioux Falls and working full-time at Bobby’s garage, Sam and Jessica admitting that they both want to go to Stanford and Charlie and Dorothy seeing less of each other with Dorothy being in college for the past year.

Castiel, for one, can genuinely say that he’s been happy these past few months. Sure, he’s a bit sad that Dean didn’t grab his chance to go to college, but he understands why he did it. And while he’s not even close to repaying the medical bills that are put upon his family, he’s actually considering giving college a shot anyway now that Castiel’s leaving Sioux Falls as well. It helps that Bobby and Ellen have agreed (more forced Dean to live with the fact) to sponsor them a little. John Winchester’s doing a lot better, and Anna is starting at her last year of college, no trace of her own surgery to be seen other than the scar she proudly shows off whenever she has the chance. Castiel’s never said that Anna wasn’t weird.

It’s been a long while to figure out what he wants to do, but eventually he found some great literature program that he doesn’t want to let go of somewhere near Los Angeles. After he told Dean, he wasn’t too surprised when Dean sent in his application to the same college. After all, they have a pretty awesome engineering program out there as well. And, it’s ‘only’ a five hour drive from Sam, which is always a plus – though Castiel and Dean need to revisit their meaning of the word ‘only’, because there’s quite a big difference between the two.

After sharing a quick shower with Dean, the two help each other with putting on their suits. He’s glad that he doesn’t need to have all the hassle like girls have with make-up or hair. Castiel doesn’t even bother to tame his hair, since Dean likes it like this anyway.

By the time they get downstairs, Ellen looks like she’s about to start pulling them by the fire place.

“Finally!” she says her camera in hand. Then, over their shoulders: “Jo! You ready or what?”

“Yeah, mom!” Jo returns. She’s already at the stairs, not wearing a dress but instead fancy black one-suit with an open back. It’s more her style, Castiel has to admit. Her make-up is also limited, which is great as well.

Her thing with Inias didn’t last too long. Neither of them were too bummed out about it and they remain friends to this day. Instead, her date for the evening appears to be no-one other than Victor, who came back from the police academy to accompany Jo to this prom.

Nobody saw it coming, but nobody mentions it, either. It fits, so that’s what counts.

“Oh, you all look so stunning,” Ellen mutters out, pulling Jo to Victor’s direction and then gesturing for Castiel and Dean to join them. Now, standing at their usual place for every picture, the two couples pose out awkwardly while they wait for Ellen to finish.

She takes the picture of the couples, separately, along with a quick one with only Jo and Castiel, before they’re finally allowed to leave the house.

“No drinking!” Ellen shouts from the porch as they enter the car. “It’s not because Bobby and I aren’t home that you can pull that shit!”

“Don’t worry, Ellen,” Dean assures her. “I’mma get them back to you safely.” He winks at her before driving off.

Castiel remembers last year’s senior prom. He hadn’t been a senior back then, but as Dean’s date he was allowed to be there. He and Jo had to go through the exact same thing once again with Ellen and her camera, and it’s really ridiculous.

But the dance had been good. It was the first outing he and Dean had, and they surprised more than a few people. Nobody came to bother them as they danced together, and it might be possible that both Castiel and Jo got a bit drunk after somebody decided to put something extra into the drinks.

Jo and Victor are having a quiet conversation in the back. Dean just puts up the latest Imagine Dragons’ CD and takes Castiel’s hand into his own.

“Are you excited to see them next week?” he asks. Castiel nods happily.

“Beyond belief!” he calls out. Dean got them concert tickets last month as an early birthday present. Castiel had screamed upon hearing it before slamming his hands against his mouth, surprised by his own reaction. It’s safe to say that Castiel was very, _very_ grateful for it.

This dance isn’t much different from the last, only for the fact that more of Castiel’s friends are actually here. There’s the usually photo-stand where Charlie insists they take a group picture at, and the dance floor is filled with hormonal teenagers who probably want nothing more but to put out at this one special night.

Ah, Castiel remembers his first time very well. Both he and Dean had been so nervous, and it ended up with Castiel accidentally poking Dean in the eye so badly that he actually brought him to the emergency when Dean couldn’t open his eye.

This prom, things will be better. Of course, the fact that there’s experience by now helps a lot with that.

“Care for a dance?” Dean asks after a while. Much to Castiel’s delight, ‘Demons’ is playing.

“Of course, my love,” Castiel answers, taking Dean’s hand. They head onto the dancefloor, swaying to the music while pressed against each other. Castiel’s head is on Dean’s shoulder, his left hand on Dean’s shoulder while Dean’s right one is on his lower back.

They go on for a little while until Dean pulls his head back. Castiel does the same, their eyes meeting each other. There’s a big smile on Dean’s lips.

“I can’t wait to move in to that studio of ours,” he admits. Castiel chuckles. After Dean got accepted at the same college Castiel is going to, they looked after some accommodations, deciding rather quickly that they didn’t want any dorms or anything. It makes for far better privacy, after all!

“Neither can I,” Castiel returns with his cheek against Dean’s. “I can’t wait to live with you.”

“You might regret it, I’m not always sunshine and rainbows,” Dean quickly warns him once again. Castiel shakes his head, kissing Dean’s cheek before resting his head back on Dean’s shoulder.

“I don’t care. I want you in any way I can get.”

He feels the rumble of Dean’s laugh against his face, and the urge to kiss him is a strong one. He doesn’t stop himself, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss, uncaring of all the people around them. Nobody minds anymore.

“Dear Jimmy, I really want to keep on kissing you for ever. Love, Wind,” Dean jokes.

“Dear Wind. Just do it. Love, Jimmy,” Castiel returns before resuming that kiss. Together, they dance on with no further worry on their mind.

 

 

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: samwinchester@gmail.com

DATE: 14 SEP 6:51 PM

SUBJECT: College

_Hey Bitch, how’s it going?_

_We settled well enough here in Los Angeles. The weather’s a lot warmer than what we’re used to, but so far everything’s great. Cas and I just came back from Walmart and we’re about to cook our first meal together, which sounds kind of lame but is in fact awesome so shut up._

_Cas is pretty nervous about his classes, but I know he’s going to rock them. He’s a genius, you know? Of course you know, you’re his best friend._

_So how’s Palo Alto? Seen any hot people walking around there? I hope not too many druggies around there. Say hi to Jess from me, alright? Don’t do stupid things and don’t cheat on your girlfriend. Have at least the decency to break it off first if that idea would ever slip your mind._

_Just teasing you, brother. You’re probably already thinking about how you’re going to propose to her. I’m sure she’ll say yes. Eventually ;-)_

_Anyway, Cas is calling me for dinner so I’ll be finishing this mail off. Stay safe, and expect me to visit soon. I miss you, little brother._

_Say hi to Jess for me. Again. Don’t forget!_

_Bye!_

_Dean_

FROM: samwinchester@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: 14 SEP 7:23 PM

SUBJECT: Re: College

_Dude_

_You’re so whipped._

_Sam ( & Jess who shouts at me in the background to tell you hi back)_

_PS: say hi to Cas from us._

FROM: wind124@gmail.com

TO: samwinchester@gmail.com

DATE: 14 SEP 9:31 PM

SUBJECT: Re: re: College

_Bitch_

FROM: samwinchester@gmail.com

TO: wind124@gmail.com

DATE: 14 SEP 10:02 PM

SUBJECT: WHIPPED I TELL YA

_Jerk_

 

 _They closed the parkway late last night_  
And as I sat with the echoes of lies that I told  
I felt young, never changed by crooked hearts  
So put the shotgun back in the glove  
Come on and wait another year for dreams far away  
To come home, to be brave

 _Well, everything has changed_  
And now it's only you that matters  
I will find any way to your wild heart

 _They boarded up the windows and the doors to my house_  
No one will ever read the letters or the lies that I told  
From the years I was changed  
By crooked hearts  
Why did they have to go and do us like that?  
Why did they have to go and run from the dream far away

_Were we there? Was I brave?_

_To think everything must die_  
For anyone to matter  
Got to find any way to your wild heart

 _Everything has changed and_  
Now I can't tell what matters  
I will find any way to your wild heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics at the end of the story are from the song this story is named after. It's the song playing at the final scene in Love, Simon, and it's quickly become one of my favorite songs for now! 
> 
> I'm a bit glad that the story's over, not because I didn't like writing it (I loved it!), but because I still have some other projects I still need to finish and I started to feel slightly guilty that I wasn't doing that!   
> Fun fact: while I've been toying with the Stucky-ship in the story, I don't really ship Captain America and the Winter Soldier. If my other stories are anything to go by, I'm more of a Stony-girl ;-)
> 
> Now, I'll be heading out. So much to write, so little time.


End file.
